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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Raped 8 years ago - Police video statement tomorrow. HELP, please

81 replies

SergeantJarhead · 11/07/2015 22:49

Hello :) I had a boyfriend when I was 18 who raped me on 3 occasions, he was emotionally and physically abusive and I didn't have the courage to tell anyone. I have suffered horrendous mental health issues every day since. A man approached me two nights ago, no sexual interest or anything but he was stood toe to toe with me which triggered something in me. I went home and phoned the police, I'm being video interviewed tomorrow and if anybody could tell me what to roughly expect I would appreciate it. I have been spending the last 24 hours writing down every tiny detail that I can remember, even clothes that were worn etc.
Any advice, please. I don't want my family to know something is amiss. Thanks.

OP posts:

Ohfourfoxache · 11/07/2015 22:55

No advice I'm afraid but you are so brave and strong, you can do this x

CrapBag · 11/07/2015 22:56

I've done a video statement. It was hard.

Basically they show you around and show you the room where people can watch if you want them to (I didn't, I was 15). Then they take you in the room where the interview will happen. It's a bit like a living room, quite comfy and nice. They will be really nice and you can take things at your own pace.

They will ask questions and you will have to go into great detail about it all. I found that the hardest thing. It's likely to be a female officer and she will be gentle and understanding. But be prepared for the level of detail you will have to give.

Good luck.

BotoxBitch · 11/07/2015 23:00

I had to do a video statement last month following some historical child abuse that I suffered. It was awful, I thought I had dealt with what had happened but it made it all very raw again. But you gotta do it, for the sake of your own piece of mind and for that of others safety... Xx

Original poster

SergeantJarhead · 11/07/2015 23:00

Thank you both so much for replying so quickly. I have had my time to cry over the vivid memories and have already had the chance to tell someone what happened to me in detail. I used to be ashamed, not anymore. I think I am as ready as I can be for what will come. I know it won't be easy but I know I can do this. If anybody else who reads this has any advice to offer I'd appreciate it? xx

OP posts:

Beelzebop · 11/07/2015 23:02

Hello. I'm really sorry that you have to do this tomorrow. I went through this last year after reporting historical abuse, maybe I can be some help. If they are meeting you at home two officers will come to yours in an unmarked car. I then got driven to a very non descript building in a housing estate. It was two female officers who were very nice. It was all very bare and anonymous with bits to try and make it feel homely Iyswim. They then showed me where the video equipment was and explained how it worked and the procedure. I did not feel pressurised, but very odd, I was aware of the cameras but not majorly so. What was oddest was just coming out with the whole saga, maybe you may want to practice in front of a mirror? It took ages, and they kept asking me the most detailed questions. Tell them if you don't know, don't worry. You will be exhausted afterwards, so maybe arrange for this in your schedule. I understand your need for but you need to talk to someone. After, I was driven back. They were good. I feel I should prepare you for what may happen if no prosecution goes ahead though, you need to prepare yourself for that. Good luck and well done xxxxxx.

Original poster

SergeantJarhead · 11/07/2015 23:05

Thank you ever so much Beelzebop, I had considered the very realistic possibility that this won't even go to court but If I never try I will never know. I'm so truly sorry that you, and anyone else has ever had to go through something so awful xx

OP posts:

Beelzebop · 11/07/2015 23:06

I should add that even though the prosecution went nowhere it did start off the real healing for me after 30 odd years. I'm not all better by any means but at least I know it wasn't my fault!

camtt · 11/07/2015 23:08

I haven't done a video interview but have done interviews re historical abuse. In my case, they gave me plenty of time, explanation and the interview was conducted by a trained person (a woman) who made me feel as comfortable as was possible in that situation. They want you to give them as much information as you can remember, I told them all the small incidental things that I remembered, such as what I was wearing at the time (which also helped me to date the events), other things that were going on at the time (again this was about dating things and that might not be an issue for you). Afterward they sent me a written up version of the interview and I could comment, suggest changes where I felt they hadn't construed things entirely as I had intended. Good luck.

Beelzebop · 11/07/2015 23:09

Ah thanks sergeant, to be honest it will be grim, but you will do it! If you don't, you probably won't forgive yourself tbh xxxx

Original poster

SergeantJarhead · 11/07/2015 23:18

Thank you Beelz, that brings me comfort tbh. Camtt, I am writing down every tiny minor detail that I can remember right now. I have tranquilisers to help me sleep so I hope I'll be well rested and clear headed for tomorrow. Thank you all again x

OP posts:

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 11/07/2015 23:27

I have no advice but would like to give you my support and tell you how brave courageous and inspirational you are.

GammonAndEgg · 11/07/2015 23:31

No experience, but I wanted to say thank you. People like you, dealing with things like this, make the world a safer place for my daughters.

Original poster

SergeantJarhead · 11/07/2015 23:46

I appreciate your words, genuinely, but I don't believe myself to be inspirational or courageous but I know that I am most certainly strong. I hope I manage to get my case heard in court and also a conviction. If he has hurt anybody else between then and now I will be furious with myself x

OP posts:

Name7 · 11/07/2015 23:56

I hope more people answer you, but just want to reiterate how courageous and strong you are. Realise that you have an invisible cheerleading team behind you. Good luck, deep breaths and one step at a time x

weedinthepool · 12/07/2015 10:20

I hope today goes well. I did a video interview a couple of months ago, I was raped by my cousin when I was 11. I vomited repeatedly throughout the interview, I had to run to the toilet. I was interviewed by a detective inspector, so he was a man but he was great. I'm one of 3 (that we know about) victims and I just kept thinking about the others and how they were doing the same thing.

I went and got ridiculously drunk on gin after. Don't recommend that. Do some self care, a bath, candles, nice food. Don't self medicate like me! You will be fine. It's just a few hours our of your life and you are doing the right thing. I kept thinking just going to tell the police my experience. Then it's up to them what they do with it. The facts are theirs now.

Let us know how you get on OP.

RattleAndRoll · 12/07/2015 10:25

Sorry I have no advice but wanted to say good luck today. You're very brave and more people need to be like you to make this world a safer place.

GammonAndEgg · 12/07/2015 23:25

How did it go? I've been thinking about you today.

MummyPiggy87 · 12/07/2015 23:45

As pp's have said. Extremely brave of you. Well done, people like you get the scum put away where they belong. Hope it went okay x

bideyinn · 13/07/2015 00:21

Well done! You are amazing. I was raped by a very serious longstanding boyfriend and wish I was able to report him. Hope it went okay for you x

BiscuitMillionaire · 13/07/2015 00:25

Hope you're OK, Sergeant

Original poster

SergeantJarhead · 13/07/2015 01:31

Hello again guys, thank you for ALL of your comments and support. I have done the interview. It started at approx 12:45, ended at about 3:30pm. The beginning was easier, I felt like a robot repeating what I had already spent time thinking about but by the time I got to the third incident I broke down and asked to stop. I had a short break, the lady interviewer was lovely and we carried on afterwards. It was tough, I broke down more than once but now, after all these years I suddenly feel clean. I've discussed the video with my husband as he wasn't allowed in the room and told him what happened, in the very small, tiny chance that this makes it to court and he has to see the video. I'm 26, I have a son and I am determined to go on with life as normal. The police wanted to arrest the 'accused' today, but the lady who did the video statement thing wants to be with me all the way through this, she has 4 days leave and comes back Friday which hopefully will be the day they arrest him and keep him in custody pending the results of medical/counselling reports.

I cannot thank any of you enough for sharing your experiences and giving me the support that you have. For strangers to help in this way is truly amazing.

OP posts:

Original poster

SergeantJarhead · 13/07/2015 01:36

I hope that any of you who have experienced the same ordeal have seen justice prevail. I am not holding any hope at all that this will go to court but I now at least feel that I am not hiding a dark and shameful secret, I don't feel responsible for something that was not my fault. If the police take this no further then at least I can hold on to the hope that if the bastard ever has the balls to hurt someone else they will have previous complaints about him. X

OP posts:

mrstweefromtweesville · 13/07/2015 12:20

You are very brave. Well done!

thenumberseven · 13/07/2015 17:27

You have nothing to be ashamed of, he does.

Well done!!

BleachEverything · 13/07/2015 17:29

Well done for doing it.

I did it when I was 17 and it was traumatising. It was like they were trying to catch me out.

Lots of love to you x

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