Raped 8 years ago - Police video statement tomorrow. HELP, please

[SergeantJarhead]

Hello :) I had a boyfriend when I was 18 who raped me on 3 occasions, he was emotionally and physically abusive and I didn't have the courage to tell anyone. I have suffered horrendous mental health issues every day since. A man approached me two nights ago, no sexual interest or anything but he was stood toe to toe with me which triggered something in me. I went home and phoned the police, I'm being video interviewed tomorrow and if anybody could tell me what to roughly expect I would appreciate it. I have been spending the last 24 hours writing down every tiny detail that I can remember, even clothes that were worn etc.
Any advice, please. I don't want my family to know something is amiss. Thanks.

[pocketsaviour]

You are very brave OP and I'm glad it wasn't too traumatising an experience for you.

No matter what happens as a result, you have made your voice heard, and that's a powerful step towards healing.

[SergeantJarhead]

Thank you all :) If I have any news/updates I will share with you. It may be helpful to someone one day if they have to/want to report their attack to the police. I feel quite reassured knowing I am not alone, although it's horrific that it should happen to anybody. I didn't go to the police in the beginning because my mum didn't believe me so I have blamed myself for a long time, I feel very differently now x

[Nolim]

Well done op

[Name7]

So so proud. You've taken control yourself. I hope you sleep really well tonight and all nights from now on x

[PreemptiveSalvageEngineer]

Well done, OP, and I am saddened (but not surprised) that a loved one didn't believe you. That kind of crap is endemic, ffs.

So proud of you! You're doing so well!. Look after yourself, and consider rape-specific counselling.

[SergeantJarhead]

I'm a bit all over the place. The lady interviewer who took my video statement said that she would be back on shift Friday and that she wanted to be the one who was with me all the way through this. I wasn't given her phone number, (or any other phone number incase I remembered anything else relating to the case) and I haven't been told what has been happening since the statement was taken. I feel physically sick, I'm not sleeping and the thought of eating makes me queasy but I'm diabetic. I was told that if it does make it to court there's a chance that my name might end up in the local papers which is one of many reasons why I refrained from reporting it in the first place. I am angry and snappy, I'm confused and worried and anxious. My husband is being wonderfully supportive but he's being plagued by images of the things he knows that took place and he's struggling to keep calm. I just wish the police had taken even 2 minutes to explain the process. I feel like I have just reported somebody stealing a garden gnome and it doesn't matter.

Sorry for the rant. I thought I would cope better than this.

[SergeantJarhead]

There's limited funding in my area and the waiting list for counselling is 8 months to a year but in the long term it may be a good idea :)

[MilesHuntsWig]

Hang in there Jarhead. You are brave and strong and will get through this, you've been amazing already. Please start on the therapy waiting list.

There are a whole host of wise people on here who will help you through the next couple of days of uncertainty.

[SergeantJarhead]

Thank you Miles, genuinely thank you. I have an appointment with my physio at the gym tomorrow and I'm hoping there'll be a punchbag that I can knock ten shits out of, or at least a rowing machine free. Thanks again for the support.

[Mandatorymongoose]

Sergeant can I recommend victim support and / or rape crisis who should be able to point you to some support (specifically an ISVA).

I've found them much more helpful than the police officer in charge of my DD's case, who while lovely is very busy and always on leave or training or something!

Also please be prepared for this being a long process, I know each case is different and this may not be the case for you but we're 20 months on from reporting and it's still ongoing.

It's a very emotional process and I think you'll question at times if you've done the right thing but honestly you have, it's not easy but you have. Please get support though, for you and your DH.

[Mandatorymongoose]

You may be able to access counselling more quickly through one of the charities too if that's something that might help but please be aware that counselling notes can be reviewed and requested to be used in evidence if you have counselling prior to any court case.

[weedinthepool]

I would second an ISVA, mine acts as a middle man between me and the chaotic and hard to understand justice system. I also back up what PP said, the system is v.v.v slow. I have been advised it could take months if not years. Frustrating but we have no control over it so I have just let it go.

[YellowTulips]

No advice but posting my support. It takes a lot of courage and strength

[MilesHuntsWig]

How did the punching go Jarhead? How are you getting on?

[SergeantJarhead]

Thanks everyone for the comments. Wednesday's gym session was a total washout, I only wear jeans but I specifically bought trackies for the physio I have to start and wouldnt you fucking believe it, they're missing. Then a letter turned up today from the council demanding £800 ... I managed to sort that.
I was supposed to be contacted today because the bastard is supposed to be arrested but I have heard nothing, I really will have to prepare myself for a long and arduous process won't I?
Monday was the hardest day (day after interview) for both DH and myself, now we're hearing sirens everywhere and wondering if the police are coming to see us or arrest 'Him' so it's a bit neurotic-inducing. I've got a 2 year old, 2 cats, a tortoise and a new puppy to get on with plus ill health so I at least have a busy schedule to keep my mind occupied.
The only real downside to this is the flashbacks that it took 8 years to forget have come back but it just gives me the anger that I need to get through this.

I can't believe how long the process has taken for some of you guys, I feel a a prat for whinging when mine has only just started.

[cashewnutty]

I do video interviews with children in my job as a child protection SW and i work closely with the police. The whole process takes a very long time. If statement need to be noted from other people then they will be done first. They will gather all evidence before speaking to the perpetrator. It can take a year or so for things to get to court. Please try to put it where it belongs - at the back of your mind and out of sight of the other wonderful things you have in your life.

[SergeantJarhead]

Your advice is obviously sound, it's not quite a week yet so putting it at in the furthermost corner of my mind will take time, especially when the police phone at 8am in the morning to ask me the suspects date of birth.
I think I might give ISVA a ring soon, Thanks guys :)

[SergeantJarhead]

Hello, to anyone who is awake and online. I had to phone the police for an update. They arrested him today and interviewed him. I was promised they would tell me everything, step by step. I had to phone and find out for myself. He is out on police bail until September. My best friend is a key witness, she has refused to give a statement, or even say a word to the police, she just said 'Jarhead, No. I'm not doing that'.
For the entire 8 years that passed I blamed myself and felt that it wasn't rape and that I brought it on myself, or that I was crazy and it really was in my head. That has to be the only possible reason why my friend wouldn't want to help me. I can't put any pressure on my family so I am relying on strangers to be my shoulder to collapse on. I am beginning to wish I could turn back time and undo my report. I don't feel brave or strong. I feel disgusting, dirty and shameful. The man is home with his family who will be told what a lying crazy cunt I am and doubtless it will spread like wildfire through my community. I really really really want to hurt myself, badly. Old habits die hard right? My husband is in work and doesn't know that the man was arrested or my friend wont testify/make a statement. I don't want him to be angry or worried or upset. I feel sick. My MIL is taking me little boy out for the day tomorrow so I have some alone time. Speaking to the detective who interviewed the man, I get this feeling that she believes him and not me. I thought there would be more support. I think I've made a huge mistake.

[slkk]

No you have told the truth and been true to yourself. This is all you can do at this stage. Now you need to focus on the positives in your life and moving on. Let the police deal with him. I'm sorry your friend has let you down. I'm not sure I would be able to forget that.

[SergeantJarhead]

Her grandparents evicted her, they were her parents essentially, so she moved in with me. I can't begin to write a list of things I have done for her. She basically cannot be bothered. Argh.

[Hadron21]

No matter what happens from here - you cannot change the truth. That's yours.
Everyone else is living a lie. Stay strong.

[SergeantJarhead]

Hadron, thank you for your kindness, I might get 'everyone else is living a lie' tattooed as a mantra. My husband is home now and I've told him all that has happened today, he's so understanding it kills me. Thank you for listening

[Janette123]

Just wanted to say you are very brave to do this - good luck.