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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Help! I'm going to see a divorce lawyer at 3.00 pm and he's hidden all the paperwork!

101 replies

ALaughAMinute · 03/07/2015 09:31

He's hidden everything including my bank statements, what shall I do?

I'm in such a state I can't think straight!

OP posts:

Original poster

ALaughAMinute · 03/07/2015 09:33

He'll be back in half an hour, I might have to ask him for it. OMG!

OP posts:

Anniegetyourgun · 03/07/2015 09:34

Has the fucker gone out so you can't ask him what the blue blazes he's done with your documents? Does he know where you were going with them today? Could they be in the house somewhere?

I suggest calling the solicitor's office and telling them about the difficulty with the paperwork. It might not be a problem at this stage.

Anniegetyourgun · 03/07/2015 09:36

X-posted, well if he's back soon then yes, you can ask him (extremely casually) why he has moved your stuff and where to. If he doesn't cough up it's time for Plan B (presuming you'll be able to ring the office without him overhearing).

Original poster

ALaughAMinute · 03/07/2015 09:37

Thanks for your reply Annie, I've searched everywhere but can't find anything so I can only assume he's hidden everything in his car.

I had a look in the filing cabinet and it's empty!

I phone the solicitors office now. Oh God!

OP posts:

3littlefrogs · 03/07/2015 09:37

Well - it could be useful for your solicitor to document the fact that this has happened.

Can you get duplicates of any of them - not today obviously, but you may need to start looking into this, and photocopy whatever you manage to find.

WhatWouldGibbsDo · 03/07/2015 09:37

When you say hidden, do you mean deliberately?? I'd make a cup of tea and try and calm down, then try and think of likely places he might have put them. Maybe do a room by room search? Can you access things like bank statements online?

Dowser · 03/07/2015 09:47

You don't need them at this stage. Take a deep breath. Go for a Walk and relax.

That stuff comes later.

Now breathe. Business head on. That just proves why you need him out of your life.

Obviously tell the solicitor. It's unreasonable to take your stuff and you can still get more statements from your own and joint bank accounts later.

I'm sorry LAM...you need to be as wily and crafty as a fox with this guy. You need to literally not let your left hand know what you're right hand is doing..

Go shopping. Go for a walk. Phone a friend but just get out of the house and out of his way.

We are rooting for you ;-)

redexpat · 03/07/2015 09:48

You should be able to get bank statements online. What else do you need?

Anniegetyourgun · 03/07/2015 09:55

Marriage certificate of course, they need to send that off to the court, but again you can send away for a duplicate (I'd get it posted somewhere else, to work, a relative or a friend, so your STBXH can't get his mitts on it.)

Look on the bright side, this is yet more confirmation that this is someone you really should be leaving!

Original poster

ALaughAMinute · 03/07/2015 09:55

3little, yes, he's deliberately hidden everything! He knows I'm going to see a solicitor but he doesn't know I'm going today.

Dowser, you're right, I need to stay calm and put my business head on.

I just phoned the solicitor and I need 2 forms of ID and all I've got is my driving licence. I'm just going to phone my bank to see if they'll print me off a bank statement.

He's back! Just heard his car come into the driveway!

OP posts:

Dowser · 03/07/2015 09:58

Does he know you are seeing a solicitor today?

You need to think of yourself as a business. From this very minute you are working for you. Imagine it's a new and secret project/ invention and you don't want word of it getting out to your competitors/ enemies/ him.

So you keep what you are doing as close to your chest as possible. Be non specific if he asks where you are going. I wouldn't lie. I'd just say ..it's my business. If that arouses too much suspicion ...for a walk, shopping etc.

I would interact with him as little as possible. I would do nothing that sent misleading signals.

CruCru · 03/07/2015 09:58

Jesus. Has he also hidden your passport?

addictedtosugar · 03/07/2015 10:02

Will your bank card class as a form of ID?
Any online bills you can print off as ID?

Can you borrow his car keys, if you think the docs are in the boot? Or do you think he's just taken them somewhere else?

And don't you need to pop to the postoffice to pick up a parcel, requirring ID, and you can't find your passport????

and

Dowser · 03/07/2015 10:03

Oh good . Now you can be calm , practical and unruffled.

You also can begin to keep a diary of all these instances and times when he's horrid to you. It's all evidence to your solicitor.

I don't remember having to show our marriage certificate to my solicitor but imay have forgotten that. Would your birth certificate count as ID.

Original poster

ALaughAMinute · 03/07/2015 10:04

I just told him where I'm going and that I need some ID and he shouted at me. He's hidden everything including my passport.

I asked him where my bank statements are and my credit card bills and he said he pays the credit card bills and then shreds them. It seems he's shredded my bank statements as well.

OP posts:

3littlefrogs · 03/07/2015 10:09

You can report your passport as stolen - get a crime number and you can get a replacement.

He sounds awful.

pocketsaviour · 03/07/2015 10:10

Well that's a prime example you can use for the grounds of unreasonable behaviour.

Pop into your local bank branch, they will print you a statement. I've done it before.

You should also ask the solicitor what action you should take about him hiding/destroying your personal documents.

3littlefrogs · 03/07/2015 10:10

You can get copies of all statements - it may just take a little time.
Now would be a good time to sort out your bank accounts and keep your own, secret password.

Anniegetyourgun · 03/07/2015 10:11

I didn't have to show it to the solicitor iirc, it was needed later down the line for the court.

He's shredded your papers? LTB - oh, you already are. Good decision!

Anniegetyourgun · 03/07/2015 10:11

Sorry, "it" being the marriage certificate.

CantAffordtoLive · 03/07/2015 10:13

Use this to fuel your determination to get out of this awful relationship.

My ex froze our joint account and I ended up thousands of pounds in debt, unable to access my own money

I was virtually suicidal and it was at that point I met my life saver of a SHL!

Nothing he can do can stop you proceeding with your divorce. Oh he can make it an even more difficult and miserable experience, but he cant stop it.

Good luck

3littlefrogs · 03/07/2015 10:13

Actually you should report the credit card bills as stolen too as they are in your name. Inform the credit card company as they will take it seriously.

AutumnDragon · 03/07/2015 10:14

Isn't it illegal to tamper with other people's post? Perhaps point that out to him if the bank statements / credit cards were in your own name.

Also inform him that he is not to open any post addressed to you, whatever arrangements you previously had.

CainInThePunting · 03/07/2015 10:14

That should be " he has stolen my passport". He is treating you as if you and everything you own is his.

He has no right to do that.

Perhaps call 101 and ask what help they can offer you. They may not but at least it will be logged?

The statements etc can be obtained easily but you must get your passport back.

TwerkingSpinster · 03/07/2015 10:16

I'd phone the fucking police! Maybe with a police officer asking him wtf he might at least hand over the passport. Jesus. Maybe his hearing the phone call to 101 will shock him into handing it over.

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