Help! I'm going to see a divorce lawyer at 3.00 pm and he's hidden all the paperwork!

[ALaughAMinute]

He's hidden everything including my bank statements, what shall I do?

I'm in such a state I can't think straight!

Any documents that belong to you and are addressed to you directly you report as stolen including your passport.

Maybe either fill in an online form to the police to report it too, its not an emergency but needs to be registered, it's unreasonable behaviour and abusive.

If you have online banking you can print off bank statements online, same with utility bills you can access tem online.

Passport I would certainly report it stolen and by whom.

Pick a very good lawyer your stbxh sounds utterly unhinged.

Contact bank, credit card company etc.
Give them a change of address. Change all your passwords..
How fucking dare he hide your stuff..

Thanks for the replies.

I just printed off a bank statement so I think I've got all I need now.

I've got the marriage certificate as I had to take it to the solicitor I saw last week. I didn't like her much so I'm going to see a new solicitor today.

A few of the Mnetters said I need a solicitor with balls so that's what I'm going for!!

Any thoughts on legal aid? I work four days a week and don't earn very much so I'm wondering if I might be entitled to legal aid.

Bloody, how fucking dare he hide my stuff indeed! I'm so angry!

this is why you register it with the police, so you have proof of abuse. Hope you get legal aid and a kickass solicitor.

Can you go back to him again and demand to know what he's done with your bank statements? This time take your phone and record the conversation, sneakily of course.

I would phone the police about the passport.

For legal aid you need to log his abuse with the police and womans aid. You must start keeping a paper trail, so make sure everything is logged, in email format (ie any communication with ex, even if you both live in the same house). You may be able to get him out of your house if he keeps doing things that he has done today, but you need to log it with the police and keep that file up to date.

No more telling him what you are doing, for you atm he is the enemy.

I was reading online about legal aid and apparently you don't get as good a service as you would normally because the solicitor is only allowed to spend £900 on your case or something like that.

Fuzzy, Coco, I might well phone the police if he's doesn't tell me where my paperwork and passport is. I just need to get today out of the way first.

He asked my why I need ID and when I said that I was going to see a solicitor he said "why now, we haven't even got the house on the market" and they he said " this is going to get fucking nasty I can tell."

Too bloody right it is!

Samma, thanks for that. You're right about not telling him what I'm doing. I'm not going to tell him anything anymore.

I don't think you can get legal aid for divorces nowadays unless there has been DV, but I believe some solicitors will agree to wait for the bulk of the payment until the financial settlement has been made, just covering costs as you go along.

Very sensible to see more than one solicitor to start with, to get a feel of who you can work with and who will be 100% on your side. They don't necessarily need to be confrontational though; diplomatic is good, doormat is not. (You couldn't have met a more laid-back sol than mine, but he was dogged and sensible. XH's came with a higher profile at twice the price but was not entirely competent, and of course had the disadvantage of representing an idiot.) Solid experience of divorce law is the most important thing IMO.

Stay safe LAM. This man sounds like he could turn nasty if he doesn't get his own way.

Does he have parents. Have you got anyone in RL for support. You need a wall of steel round you where he is concerned.

Also, seeing a solicitor before you put the house on the market is the right way round. Your ex should be doing the same. How can you sell the main marital asset if you haven't settled how things are going to be divvied up?

Hi, mine did the same - completely removed my whole life without my knowing. The solicitor will just ask you what you know, and then later in the week you can start contacting firms/gov't departments for the essentials. Every single company I rang for help, when I honestly explained the situation, were incredibly accommodating. The only thing I had to pay for was a new marriage certificate.

Later in the process, if you have a court-led divorce (not essential) he has to send all bank statements, credit card statements and assets etc for the last twelve months.

As for passport, inform the police. It's a criminal offence to hold a passport without your consent or without due authority.

I definitely recommend recording any conversations. Now he knows that you are going to go ahead he is likely to get nasty.

And yes. Leading up to my divorce, I saw 3 other solicitors, none of them seemed to understand what I was going through, I could see in their eyes, I was just another case. I needed someone who understood.

My solicitor listened, took it all in, looked me in the eye and said 'lets scare him shitless!' I knew then that she was the one. She then said, that she was best placed to, and would, sort the divorce but if I never needed to off load to ring her assistant as she was good at giving emotional support. But I never needed more than to know I had my solicitor in my corner.

Annie, the solicitor I'm seeing today seems to have a good CV and an excellent reputation so I am hopeful he will be the one for me. Interesting what you say about not needing to be confrontational though, I never thought of it like that before. Diplomatic is good as you say.

I told the receptionist that I wanted a solicitor with balls, so she's given me one...literally! I think I prefer dealing with a man but I'm not sure why.

People are telling you to become a business, be calm etc. this is good advice, so here's my tip for actually living this way.....pretend you are being filmed by the court or judge or police, whoever, as this will make your actions, reactions and thought processes act in the calm and rational way. He will provoke you, know this now and be ready to ignore it. He will lie, don't even bother trying to argue truth with him, just have your evidence and paperwork in order as that's all a court can deal with. His histrionics will be his weakness, not yours.

As Dowser said above, you really don't need them at this stage. What you will need is proof of identity, a recent utility bill and your NI number ( mine did anyway). You can get copies of everything else you need when you start to fill in your financial disclosure. It sounds to me like he has panicked and reacted to that panic. Good luck OP, it's not as bad as you think it is.

Temporarily hire a po box and redirect your mail.

Thanks for the replies.

Dowser, he's mentally and physically abusive so I've got to get the fuck out!

Annie, the main reason I'm seeing a solicitor now is that a) he's an abusive bastard and b) my elderly mother might die soon and I don't want him to claim a stake in my inheritance.

Can't, your post made me laugh! "'lets scare him shitless!' That's what I want to hear!

Like the sound of yours, Cantafford ! Mine had a lovely motherly secretary as a bonus.

Brilliant advice from Twerk, I'm going to remember that one!

LAM, have you at any point reported his violent incidents to the police? If so, you will probably get legal aid, but there has to be some form of record from a third party, e.g. police or GP.

I would call the police and explain that your abusive husband has stolen your passport and stolen and shredded all your paperwork. Do it in front of him. And record it all if possible. Phone on fix line record on mobile. Interesting to hear his reaction.

Oh yes, you're the one with the eventual inheritance, I remember your other thread. Hadn't twigged STBXH is physically abusive too; legal aid may be an option then. Anyway, now is as good a time as any to get legal advice sorted. STBX is just trying to dictate the pace of things as usual. He doesn't get to do that any more.

I also think phoning 101 and asking for advice on the stolen passport would be a very good idea. Focus on that rather than other paperwork.

Of course, you might be reluctant to do this if you're afraid of how he might react.