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Original poster

Is this grounds for divorce?

84 replies

Siennasun · 31/05/2015 00:32

I've started a few threads recently about my job/marriage and how it's all a bit crap really.
Tonight DH and I went out together on a very rare night out just the 2 of us. DS staying over at PIL. Had a lovely night. Got train home. It's 20 minute walk from station to our house. Walk involves going through housing that's all very similar looking and I haven't done this walk often so don't know the way and am notorious for having no sense if direction
Anyway about 5 minutes into walk DH took my bag and ran off. So I was left with no phone, no wallet totally alone with no idea where I was. It took me 2 hours (in the rain ) to get home. When I finally did get back we were furious with each other. DH said he'd been looking for be but couldn't find me. Had a huge argument resulting in me giving him back my wedding ring, saying I want a divorce and calling my dad to come and pick me up. I'm at my dad's house now.

Have I over reacted ? Sad

OP posts:
molyholy · 31/05/2015 00:40

Why did he take your bag off you and run off? Drunken prank gone wrong or purposefully mean? Not that it matters. I would be fuming. If its a long line of things that have caused your unhappiness, you have done the right thing. Bit of time out for you and time for him to think.

goddessofsmallthings · 31/05/2015 00:41

What an evil thing to do! Whatever possessed him to take your bag and run off?

However, as grounds for divorce, it's one example of his unreasonable behaviour - how many more can you cite?

trulyagog · 31/05/2015 00:44

He just grabbed your bag? Like a mugger? And ran off?

The way you have described it that's how I visualise it.

I'm not sure about grounds for divorce as don't know anything about either of you. Just sounds like totally weird behaviour to me. Why did he (a) run off and (b) take your bag?

Has your dad not asked you these exact questions straight away?

Hope you are ok .x

bigbumbrunette · 31/05/2015 00:46

Wow! Why would he do that? Is this the icing on the cake? Is there more background?

Original poster
Siennasun · 31/05/2015 00:47

Yes it was a prank gone wrong. Don't think he meant for it to go as it it did because he was angry with me. He'd obviously sent me some nasty texts (forgetting that he had my phone idiot ) because he'd deleted all the texts from my phone when I got home.
Just feel so sad Sad

OP posts:
Lweji · 31/05/2015 00:47

WTAF?
He ran off with your bag?

clam · 31/05/2015 00:48

Well, if it was a one-off, and part of a drunken prank as molyholy suggests, then it's probably salvageable.
However, if, as you imply, there are other problems in the marriage, and you think that his actions tonight were deliberately mean, then it might well be that this is the last straw, in which case it's not an over-reaction.

Lweji · 31/05/2015 00:50

Why on earth was he angry with you?

Is he in the habit of doing such stupid pranks?

clam · 31/05/2015 00:50

Oh, x-posted.
What do you mean by "Don't think he meant for it to go as it it did because he was angry with me." Was he angry before he ran off, or after? And if it was after, why? Why was it your fault that you were lost and couldn't get home?
All other things aside, he sounds like an arse, I have to say.

Original poster
Siennasun · 31/05/2015 00:50

There's lots of background. I've been very unhappy at work recently which had caused loads of problems I our marriage. I had another thread about it bit don't know how to link. Sorry. I've had the worst week ever at work. And a really difficult week coming up and I just can't cope with any more relationship carnage.
Feel guilty for upsetting my dad too Sad

OP posts:
dinoswore · 31/05/2015 00:52

What possible justification can he have for being angry with you? Is he in the habit of sending you nasty texts? I am flabbergasted. And no, you have not over reacted.

Melonfool · 31/05/2015 00:53

I'd feel incredibly vulnerable in that situation. Dp knows I have a poor sense of direction and laughs at me, but he also takes extra care of me because of it.

If this is one in a line of things that have upset you I'd say it's time for a rethink.

The texts could have been worried texts and he deleted because they made him look daft? You might see them in the sent folder on his phone. I'd be really annoyed if someone deleted all my texts!

Original poster
Siennasun · 31/05/2015 00:54

Yes he was angry with me for getting lost. When I got home he was furious. "Where the fuck have you been" etc. me: "where the fuck do you think I've been, you absolute cunt" etc.
sorry for c word if it offends anyone. I'm really upset.

OP posts:
dinoswore · 31/05/2015 00:55

Sounds awfully like you are trying to blame yourself for the relationship problems - but however much your work situation may be impacting on your marriage, that's no excuse for his shitty behaviour tonight.

Lweji · 31/05/2015 00:58

He could have taken off, but he had to take your bag too.

It sounds like he is punishing you for something.

dinoswore · 31/05/2015 00:58

It was his fucking stupid prank that went wrong, which is entirely his fault, not yours. What a prick.

Feel free with the c word.

Original poster
Siennasun · 31/05/2015 01:00

I didn't tell my dad what happened. Just said I think we are going to separate for a bit and I didn't want to stay at my house tonight.

OP posts:
Bahh · 31/05/2015 01:08

What on earth? What kind of person abandons any other person while walking in a strange area in the dark and actually STEALS their bag, thus removing any possibility of safely getting home via taxi, or being able to look at Google sodding maps or something? This is absolutely bizarre. How did it go wrong? Did he then get lost and couldn't find you again? In which case why is he pissed that you got lost too? Or did he mean to leave you completely, and expected you to get home sooner? What did he hope to achieve and why is he angry at YOU?! So many questions, I'm genuinely baffled. My OH would be horrified at the idea of me walking home alone in a strange area at night, absolutely wouldn't have it. What a strange man you have there. Anything could have happened to you and it would have been his fault. LTB and cite 'incurable fucking stupidity'.

BrowersBlues · 31/05/2015 01:08

Sienna, you have not over reacted at all. I haven't read your other threads so I don't know anything about the difficulties in your marriage.

I went out with someone for about 5 years and then married him. When my DD was born he became unreasonable and ultimately violent so I left him. Looking back before the children arrived he was always quite self obsessed, it was always all about him. I was young when I met him and enjoying a great social life so I didn't really notice.

That was almost 19 years ago and one thing which is similar to what happened to you always sticks in my mind. One night when we walking home after a night out we had a row, apparently I was talking to some bloke for too long. Alarm bell I know. Anyway we were walking through a rough estate in SE London and he ran off on me. I had never been on that short cut before and I got lost and was utterly terrified. I knew a girl at that time who lived there and she had told me she was broken into twice and had to keep her hand over her baby's mouth so the burgulars wouldn't come into her room.

To this day that incident stands out to me as the single biggest alarm bell that I ignored. I told a friend of mine at the time and he said leave him now. I didn't and I really really wish I had listened to my instinct.

Maybe your experience wasn't so frightening but I would urge you to take a very close look at the things that your DH does. If all those things you are wary about unsettle you listen to your gut instinct.

kickassangel · 31/05/2015 01:08

If he was looking for you, how come he was at home? Do you suspect that he just sat at home sending crappy texts? Could he have felt guilty when he realized you wee lost and then got angry instead of feeling sorry about it?

I wouldn't divorce just because of this, but if it's typical of how he treats you I would consider it. I mean, he could have run to the next street corner then jumped out and gone boo. That would have been mildly amusing if pissed enough but going so far ahead that you had no idea where he'd gone seems a bit excessive/ill judged, maybe even deliberate.

MissBattleaxe · 31/05/2015 01:08

I don't think LTB, but hopefully you bolting to your Dad's will teach him what a stupid and unsafe thing he did.

Lweji · 31/05/2015 01:15

Is there any chance that he wanted to go through you phone or something?

Maybe not divorce, yet, but I suspect it will come soon enough.

What are your boundaries? You let go of this one, then the next, and the next.

Also, and importantly, I noticed an earlier thread where you wanted to become a sahm. Considering his behaviour tonight, DON'T!!! Do you want to become dependent on this man?

CatMilkMan · 31/05/2015 01:20

It seems like you want a divorce, do what you want.

BeyonceRiRiMadonna · 31/05/2015 01:25

Your husband is an inconsiderate A-Hole! I will assume it was late at night as you were returning from a night out, he knows you have no sense of direction and left you in a vulnerable position? Who does that? What if you'd been raped/stabbed/killed/abducted? As if that's not enough he is angry with you??? Is this incident grounds for divorce, in isolation maybe not, but if this is his default behaviour, then divorce him!

I'm just appalled at how someone who's supposed to love and protect you would leave you so vulnerable!?!?!?

Canyouforgiveher · 31/05/2015 01:33

Yes this is grounds for divorce. If my husband did it - at any age - it would be grounds for having him assessed in case he had a brain tumour or other condition tbh.

I sometimes think there should be taught in school (thinking of the marriage thread today) what love is actually like. Because many women (and presumably men) don't seem to understand what it looks and feels and sounds like when someone loves you - it is supportive, warm, knowing someone always has your back, knowing someone likes being with you, knowing someone wants the best for you, knowing someone will sometimes sacrifice something he/she wants for what you want. I read about relationship on here all the time and I think these women have no idea what love could be like and are stuck trying to turn hay into gold - but it is still hay.

My dh can be an ass at times like anyone else but I literally could not conceive of any situation in which he would leave me walk home on my own at night - forgetting about stealing the handbag and knowing you don't have a great sense of direction. He actually wouldn't do that to a dog on the street. Nor would I.

Only you know the whole extent of your relationship but if it is generally difficult and hard and this one night was a respite and then he did this ... why bother?

And for god's sake don't become a SAHM to this man.