Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Is this grounds for divorce?

84 replies

Siennasun · 31/05/2015 00:32

I've started a few threads recently about my job/marriage and how it's all a bit crap really.
Tonight DH and I went out together on a very rare night out just the 2 of us. DS staying over at PIL. Had a lovely night. Got train home. It's 20 minute walk from station to our house. Walk involves going through housing that's all very similar looking and I haven't done this walk often so don't know the way and am notorious for having no sense if direction
Anyway about 5 minutes into walk DH took my bag and ran off. So I was left with no phone, no wallet totally alone with no idea where I was. It took me 2 hours (in the rain ) to get home. When I finally did get back we were furious with each other. DH said he'd been looking for be but couldn't find me. Had a huge argument resulting in me giving him back my wedding ring, saying I want a divorce and calling my dad to come and pick me up. I'm at my dad's house now.

Have I over reacted ? Sad

OP posts:
badbaldingballerina123 · 31/05/2015 02:13

I don't think this was funny and I wouldn't consider it a prank. I may have misunderstood but are you saying you got lost for two hours when you were just fifteen minutes away from home ?

franklyidontgiveadamscarlet · 31/05/2015 02:25

Is this the same guy who took of with your child in the pram and left you with nothing and had you walk home or did he end up at his parents home.
Excuse me if I am wrong.

But your husband mugged you and left you to it. You have every right to be at your parents house as I think you are in shock and don't know where you go from here.
You should tell your dad at least. I wouldn't be hiding it as there seems to be more in this.
What else has he done for you to have reached your breaking point.
I am sorry he caused you such stress and if you were my daughter I would have you home in minute and look at some real life support.
What sort of idiot leaves his wife where anything can happen in this day and age.
Hes not a good guy he is a twat of the highest order.

ltk · 31/05/2015 03:08

Wow that's a lot wrong wrong wrong shit in one evening. First he mugged you and abandoned you on an estate at night when you did not know the way. Then he got angry at YOU, the victim of his twattish behaviour. You were wandering alone in the rain for 2 HOURS at night, during which time he did not call for any kind of help. Then he rang your father to remove YOU from your own home, like a naughty child, and you actually went along with that.

God yes you should LTB. That is fucked up.

ltk · 31/05/2015 03:16

Sorry I misread. You called your dad. Call a solicitor next.

however · 31/05/2015 04:10

I am also crap with directions in an area I'm unfamiliar with. I'd be fuming.

ninetynineonehundred · 31/05/2015 06:24

why haven't you told your dad?

The thing that gets me here is that he's annoyed with you because you had the temerity to get lost and not find his hilarious 'joke' funny.
Jokes don't leave someone lost in the rain

Lweji · 31/05/2015 06:28

In fact, you could have reached out for help and called the police on him for stealing your bag. Even if he intended to return it later. It is your personal property.

I agree that you should tell your dad.

Abusers thrive on secrecy.

BitOutOfPractice · 31/05/2015 06:58

What an arsehole. The "prank" , the anger, the abusive texts, the interfering with your personal property (phone). I'm not sure which is the worst bit

Hope your ok op. I think you need to make some serious changes in your life (nOT giving up work though!)

Golfhotelromeofoxtrot · 31/05/2015 07:33

You poor thing.

If this was one blip in a happy relationship, then no, not grounds for divorce. However, given how fragile everything is, doing something like this shows you what he thinks of you.

Shoulder squeeze.

Cancookdontcook · 31/05/2015 07:41

I remember a couple of threads like this where the man has abandoned his partner as a 'joke' and it was very distressing for the victim. Has he done this before op?

I think he was deliberately scaring you and having a laugh at your expense. It's not funny.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 31/05/2015 07:43

Sienna

What he did was shocking and also left you very vulnerable.

This is the latest in a long line of ill treatment at his hands; time to call your marriage a day now. You do not want your son potentially growing up to be the same as his dad; what is he learning about relationships here from the two of you?.

Seek legal advice this week re separation.

I have read about your unhappy work situation but your H has and remained unsupportive of you throughout, its not just that.

Your son and you deserve better than he.

LoveLetters · 31/05/2015 07:47

My hubby would never leave me anywhere like that on my own. Anything could have happened

BeaufortBelle · 31/05/2015 07:51

I agree with Atilla

This wasn't a prank. I also think it went beyond "stealing/mugging". My handbag. My handbag is part of my soul - it has in it my identity, my phone, my money, my credit cards, my keys to home and car, and numerous other bits of nonsense.

My children have always known my handbag is out of bounds as well as my husband. They know they do not go there. If they want a fiver or a tenner they bring me my handbag they do not open it and take out my purse. If you see what I mean.

Yes, this is grounds for abuse. It was extraordinarily disrespectful on all sorts of levels. DH and I have been together more than 25 years. I do not check his pockets, he would not go through my bag. Neither of us have a password on our phones - neither of us would interfere with each other's phone.

Go

Hassled · 31/05/2015 07:57

I could sort of maybe, eventually probably not get my head around the back-nicking prank, but I cannot begin to get my head around the fact he had the audacity to be cross with you for a situation he had created. What a wanker.

winkywinkola · 31/05/2015 08:04

He's a total prat for doing that.

paxtecum · 31/05/2015 08:08

Catmilkman: are you the DH?

AnyFucker · 31/05/2015 08:08

what ?

I would never sleep with hi again...of course it is grounds for divorce. Your husband being a cunt to you definitely is. Are you the same person mentioned above who has had a similar thing done to you efore ?

AnyFucker · 31/05/2015 08:09

*before

tumbletumble · 31/05/2015 08:10

I'm like you OP - I have a poor sense of direction and can imagine getting lost like this. My DH has a good sense of direction and would find it hard to believe this could happen to anyone - I assume yours is the same. I haven't read your other thread but IMO this isn't a LTB situation in itself, as long as he takes responsibility for being in the wrong and apologises to you. You must have been so scared!

Nolim · 31/05/2015 08:11

Your husband was an arse. You may want to have a long convrrsation about how carrying your stuff in your person and female fashion are incompatible. Men just dont get it, they carry the wallet in the back pocket, keys an phone in the front pockets. They think that purses are ornamental not a necessity.

My dh has left me without phone keys or money in a store while he wanders off not as a prank but because he is abscent minded. When i finally find it he did not understand why i was upset. Then he said it was my fault for not carrying my phone in the pockets in my trousers. Said trousers were a gift from him and had no pockets.

But it was a store not a street when it was rainning. I would be fumming op. But would not start divorce proceedings either if this is a one off moment of insanity/arseholeness

mix56 · 31/05/2015 08:13

Not funny, deliberately scaring, knowing you are tired, & having a crap time at work, knowing you might get lost, in the dark, in the rain.
Where is the love & support you need ?

Aussiemum78 · 31/05/2015 08:21

Why would it matter if you were lost if he knew the way? Wouldn't he just lead the way?

What he did was leave you vulnerable, for no good reason. Then sent you angry texts about it.

My Dp pulls a prank like this. The difference is he hides behind a tree and jumps out laughing like an idiot and doesn't take my bag. He is within ear shot and I trust him not to leave completely. He is actually mucking around.

BrynjalPickleDog · 31/05/2015 08:54

This is diminishing behaviour from him OP. Would he do it to another man? No. Would he do if he you were not married to him? Doubtful. He does it because he feels he has the right to and that is scary.

If you are as unhappy as you sound. Separate and know that this sort of thing will never happen again to you and celebrate with wine A lot of people would kick him in the balls if he pulled a stunt like that on them and it would be well deserved too. It's the post prank anger as much as the 'prank' in my view. It is telling you about him as a person and I would not want to shag stay married to someone like that.

HoldYerWhist · 31/05/2015 09:03

How did it 'go wrong'?

It didn't. He left you on purpose. I can't even say what I would do in that situation because it would never happen. Dh would never, ever do something like this because he loves and respects me.

Your dh is more interested in grabbing your phone and deleting texts while you're stranded...

sakura · 31/05/2015 09:31

I just can't... I can't even..
WTF??

A fun fact of the day: A woman is more likely to be raped by the helpful male friend who offers to walk her home at night than by some random guy. She is more likely to be raped by her husband than anyone else.

What's my point? I guess I'm trying to say your husband put you in a lot of danger. You could have become cold and disoriented. You might have been faint and fallen if you had become hungry. You quite easily could have ended up in hospital after his "prank".

He has harmed you.
And blamed you.

He sounds totally unhinged.