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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

So that's it.

78 replies

EveryDayTheSame · 27/02/2015 22:51

We're over. I'm devestated. My whole life in shatters. My poor DC with a broken family.

How will I get through this?

He doesn't love me. I love him, my best friend, he's always been there. I can't imagine life with out him.

OP posts:
Original poster
EveryDayTheSame · 27/02/2015 22:54

I have no one to speak to. Please help me.

OP posts:
theendoftheendoftheend · 27/02/2015 22:57

I'm sorry it's a horrible position to be in. What's happened?

Charlie97 · 27/02/2015 22:58

I'm sorry, tell us more, how long have you been together, what happened.

Can you call anyone in RL, you sound distraught.

I will hold your hand.

X

Original poster
EveryDayTheSame · 27/02/2015 22:59

Please see my last thread. He just doesn't love me. I feel sick.

OP posts:
Fallandfly · 27/02/2015 23:03

So sorry. It's a cliche but it does get easier. You need to talk to someone in RL, someone who can take care of you now when you need it. Be as strong as you can for your childrenFlowers

Brandnewstart · 27/02/2015 23:04

So sorry for you. It happened to me in November and it does feel like your heart has been wrenched out... But it will get better. I am by no means over it but I am able to cope on a daily basis now. I found speaking to people helped and everyone has been so sympathetic, it especially helps to speak to people who have been through it.

Redorwhitejusthaveboth · 27/02/2015 23:05

What can you do this evening to find a bit of comfort? Do any of your family or friends know?

Ouchbloodyouch · 27/02/2015 23:07

Ohh this bit is so bad. You need tissues. Lots of. I'd say wine too but at this stage it doesn't help. These next few hours/days are not going to be easy. At all. Keep talking. We are here. X

Charlie97 · 27/02/2015 23:10

Read others it, so what happened tonight? Do you want to talk about it?

X

Ouchbloodyouch · 27/02/2015 23:11

Its far too early for you to see that your life isn't shattered. Sadly it won't get better tomorrow or next week. But it gets better. Deal with 'better' later. Just get through today.

cozietoesie · 27/02/2015 23:11

This one?

You'll be OK. At the moment it will feel as if the sky is falling but that passes.

Is he to move out? Because I think you need to be on your own with your daughter as soon as possible.

Original poster
EveryDayTheSame · 28/02/2015 05:20

Yes he's gone. He just told me how he felt and that was it,

OP posts:
CogitoErgoSometimes · 28/02/2015 06:07

I'm sorry if it's over and that you're so upset. I hope you have friends to lean on and that someone is looking our for you. You don't have a broken family, incidentally. Just a smaller family. Only now everyone in that family genuinely wants to be there and genuinely loves each other. Good luck

Alchemist · 28/02/2015 06:29

Darling, I remember the horror of this and it is vile.

You will get through it and you will be alright in the end. All the usual: please try to at least eat a small amount; keep hydrated and feed the DC Happy Meals/very easy stuff. I remember having scalding hot showers and covering myself in body cream. It felt as though I was looking after myself iyswim. Just be as kind to yourself as possible.

Also, what Cognito said. It takes a while but you will find strength and happiness with your new family.

Best wishes and keep posting. It helps. xxx

Alchemist · 28/02/2015 06:33

I also, after about 30 years, finally met my Darling.

My Darling Dog has been the greatest healer to both me and the DC.

You have support and kindness here, hope to hear from you today Every.

Original poster
EveryDayTheSame · 28/02/2015 08:10

I just want my family together. I can't imagine either of us moving on with other people, my baby having a stepmum!!!!! She deserves her family. What did I ever do to deserve this????

OP posts:
cozietoesie · 28/02/2015 09:13

Don't reflect it back on yourself. You're fine and your daughter's fine - just because he's not doesn't mean you've done anything wrong.

How are you this morning? Did you manage to make some breakfast?

Original poster
EveryDayTheSame · 28/02/2015 09:51

Not yet. Just got my DD up and ready. Trying to be normal for her.

OP posts:
cozietoesie · 28/02/2015 13:33

Sorry - I've been out so a bit behind. How are things now?

Original poster
EveryDayTheSame · 28/02/2015 14:12

I can't cope. I've spoken to a friend who's helped me. But I just so desperately want to turn back the clock and change how we've ended up.

OP posts:
Brandnewstart · 28/02/2015 14:20

It takes two to do that and if he isn't willing, all you can do is face the future and make new memories. You CAN do it. Keep speaking to people and be kind to yourself. Honestly things will get better.

Ouchbloodyouch · 28/02/2015 14:21

You will cope. I wish I had a magic formula. Its only time that will help. A cliché but a true one.

Jennyjenjenjen · 28/02/2015 14:26

Focus on getting through each hour, then each day. Don't look further than a day. One day is a success. It will get better. I promise x

LaBette001 · 28/02/2015 14:42

When I was 10 my dad left my mum for a (younger) friend. My mum had been with my dad since she was 15 years old, she was 40 the year he left her. I vividly remember that she was decimated by the experience, blown to pieces and broken. I remember her holding on to him as he tried to leave one day. She cried desperately non stop, she must have thought her life as over. I remember waking in the night to the sound of an animal (we lived in the country) and after getting up discovering that it was her sobbing in her bedroom. She had no real friends the I remember except mutual ones. Two years later she met someone. At first she wasn't interested because she still loved my dad but in the end, she and this man got together. Fast forward 20 - odd years and my mum and this man are still together, still madly in love. My mum has a career and loads of friends and - honestly - a better, happier life than she ever would have had with my dad who is a bizarre and bitter old man.

I don't mean to hijack your thread. But your pain sounds so raw and I just want you to know that this will get better.

For now, look after yourself. Cry when you need to and hold your daughter.

Flowers
cozietoesie · 28/02/2015 15:39

The first day or two will be .......not so good. (Even down to something going wrong - eg the heating malfunctioning - when you think to yourself 'It's all too much' - not because you can't cope (because you do) but because you haven't got someone there to share the problem with and talk about things.)

You'll be better by tomorrow but maybe try and start some new habits? Changing the layout of things in the kitchen and buying/ordering some new sheets for the bed for example? It sounds petty and daft but it's surprising how easy it is to jab yourself mentally when 'His Mug' is still hanging there - or you remember 'His Arm' stretching out to pick something from a particular cupboard.

There will be plenty of issues for you to address in due course so the above is just a suggestion about getting you through the immediate future.

You'll manage.

How is DD doing?