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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

So that's it.

78 replies

EveryDayTheSame · 27/02/2015 22:51

We're over. I'm devestated. My whole life in shatters. My poor DC with a broken family.

How will I get through this?

He doesn't love me. I love him, my best friend, he's always been there. I can't imagine life with out him.

OP posts:
cozietoesie · 02/03/2015 14:39

Why are you in a pub? Is he occupying the house temporarily?

Original poster
EveryDayTheSame · 02/03/2015 14:44

Just been walking around. Come fore food. Don't want to be at home on my own.

OP posts:
cozietoesie · 02/03/2015 16:17

I hope you're back home now. Get on the net and start looking at benefits and checking out local solicitors.

When is your next day in work?

Original poster
EveryDayTheSame · 02/03/2015 19:05

I've had a look, should be able to afford house on my own. I'm in at the end of the week.

OP posts:
Original poster
EveryDayTheSame · 03/03/2015 06:13

How do I get through the night. I just want him here

OP posts:
cozietoesie · 03/03/2015 08:06

He doesn't want to be there, though, Every. That's it.

You'll get through things despite your current rawness. There are plenty of people on this board who have felt that the sky was falling for one reason or another - and yet it didn't fall in the end.

Where is he staying at the moment by the way? (If you know.)

Original poster
EveryDayTheSame · 03/03/2015 08:50

With his family.

OP posts:
cozietoesie · 03/03/2015 08:59

How is DD doing?

Original poster
EveryDayTheSame · 03/03/2015 09:14

She's fine, still seen him every day, probably doesn't seem any different to her.

OP posts:
Original poster
EveryDayTheSame · 06/03/2015 11:48

This isn't getting any better. My heart is broken. I don't even know what reply I want. I just feel so lost and empty. I'm trying to be angry but I just can't be.

OP posts:
BuzzardBird · 06/03/2015 12:54

You are still in shock Every, don't worry the anger will come. Be kind to yourself and try and eat, your DD needs you.

Sometimes these things are out of our control, like death. The only thing you can do is get through today and worry about tomorrow tomorrow.
Thanks

cozietoesie · 06/03/2015 14:17

Yes, don't worry, it will improve. Just keep on going and get through it. (And as BuzzardBird said, try to eat properly - and if you can't sleep well, at least lie down and get some rest.)

Witchofthenorth · 06/03/2015 18:44

This is still so raw...it's not going to get better overnight lovely.

It's hard, but trust me, you will be ok. I remember, as I'm sure others do, the devastation left. I felt like my world had imploded and had no idea how I was going to get through without him. The first few weeks after, I can't even remember to be honest, I have no idea how I got through everyday, but I did.

BUT...once the shock subsides, you will be practical. Get your tax credits sorted and find yourself a solicitor.

Spending time as a family, as much as you want to, is not a good idea, and I think you know that. I know your hurting, and you want your family back, but as of this moment? It's not going to be the way it was.

We are all here to hold your hand through this time. He has been awful to you, he has left you and your child, your home, your life together. Get angry...it's motivational, will help kick your brain into practical/survival mode.

You are going to be ok....there will be a time when you'll look back and be in awe of how well you did, how much of a better place you are in.

A day at a time, that's all you need to focus on, look after yourself. I lost myself in making sure the kids were ok, and while a marriage breakdown is a great way to kick start a weight loss program...the fast weight loss and dehydration didn't do me any good in the long run. Small things...drinking water, a slice of toast...a mcdonalds with your child.

Huge hugsFlowers

Original poster
EveryDayTheSame · 08/03/2015 08:06

I feel sick . Constantly sick. Lying here alone. Where has my family Sunday morning gone. I really don't know what I'd do without DD. The silence is deafening.

OP posts:
Christinayang1 · 08/03/2015 08:14

Get up, put the radio on, make coffee, get some crappy magazines, plan your day, go out

redballoons · 08/03/2015 08:41

It is such a horrible time. If you google the bereavement cycle, you'll see that feeling the way you do is very natural. You will hopefully also be able to see that you'll be ok in the end. It heals, it really does. It can take a while because it is similar to bereavement.

Your life may look different to what you might have thought it would be six months ago, but it doesn't mean that you won't be happy again. You may find that your life has changed for the better. You just need to get through this very difficult time, so as the other posters have said, take one day at a time, allow yourself to grieve and above all, be kind to yourself and enjoy your times with your daughter.

Wishing you all the best.

cozietoesie · 08/03/2015 08:50

Yes - get up and do things if you can. Feeding/watering and (if the weather is halfway reasonable) getting out for a little are good ideas.

How did work go? Did you get there?

Original poster
EveryDayTheSame · 08/03/2015 09:09

Yes I went to work and it was so hard but I knew I needed to go to keep some normality.

I'm just finding my days/evenings off so hard. I keep going back to crying and thinking about everything. I can't seem to find anything to cling to to make me feel even slightly better.

OP posts:
cozietoesie · 08/03/2015 10:07

Many of the posters here have been through what you're experiencing, Every so we're not mouthing platitudes - we've been there. You just have to look after DD and try to keep on going until you find you don't need to try so hard. That day will come, I promise.

(I think you're improving just a bit, actually. Your posts sound a little stronger.)

Remember that recovery is not some sort of 'disloyalty' to your former relationship - it's more a deeper loyalty to yourself and DD.

Has your ex been in contact at all?

Original poster
EveryDayTheSame · 08/03/2015 13:23

Yes he's contacted every day to check on DD and been most days.

OP posts:
inlectorecumbit · 08/03/2015 13:31

I think you need to go no contact as much as possible. Is there anyone else that can do the handovers for you.
Maybe you need to formalise contact --maybe 2 evenings a week and a weekend day. not in your home obviously.
Also no telephone contact --he can text or email then you don't have to hear his voice.

Original poster
EveryDayTheSame · 17/03/2015 17:36

Well here's an update...

You were all right, there is someone else. Apparently nothing happened while we were still together but they knew they liked each other. They are meeting up now but not officially together. Family know. His family are angry as well but haven't fallen out with him.

We are trying to do what's right by DD, on talking terms for her sake.

OP posts:
Swifey · 17/03/2015 18:42

I am so sorry for you sweetheart, he was shitty not to own up straight away. Have a scream and a cry, away from dd obviously, let it all out. Feel free to tell him that he's a bastard, you don't have to just roll over. It will hurt like hell, but let your friends and family know, don't shield him, they will let you rant if you want and help you I'm sure. Sending you lots of hugs Wine

Swifey · 17/03/2015 19:15

Have you got someone with you? Have you managed to put dd to bed? Xx

worrieddadof2 · 17/03/2015 19:51

thats really awful that he couldnt just put off this other woman for a few months, just until you get used to the idea of being apart. Really makes my blood boil.
I hope things work out for you and your DD.