What does 'I love you but I'm not in love with you' actually mean?!

[BigOrange]

Because to me it seems like a massive cop out! I've accepted that having had this said to me, that's that and there is no more hope, but in your experience what does it actually mean?!

It's means I want to dump you and I'm trying to be kind.

I hear it as 'I care for you but I don't feel romantic about you'. It also means 'it's all over'.

It means "I'm shagging someone else but feel a bit guilty".

Sorry this is happening to you. He/She is obviously a weak individual.

I don't feel how I used to feel about you.

Depends on the context. If he's got his bags packed then it's the 'that's that and there's no more hope'. (I've had that one) If he's planning on sticking around it can mean 'I want to frighten you into pulling out all the stops to win back my affection'. Mean. I'm sure there are others. Either way, it's mealy mouthed.

I don't love you but I'm too cowardly to say it.

Loving someone is very different from being in love with someone.

I think being 'in love' is superficial, feeling in love with someone doesn't require you to know the person or value them or make a positive contribution to their life. People can be in love iwht people who they have never even talked to.

Properly loving someone is much deeperand more meaningful, and benefits both people.

I am guessing BigOrange, that whoever said this to you doesn't love you at all though.

I'm bored and I'm blaming our relationship for it

or

I'm having an affair

It means I'm too spineless to end this relationship with any dignity, so I'm going to gradually wear away at your confidence until you have enough and dump me.

It's just a crock of shit isn't it?! Such a cowardly thing to say. I've thought all of the above options by the way, so glad it's not just me that thinks it's bloody vague!

having an affair?

only able to enjoy the first 'exciting' bit of a relationship not the day to day?

Actually Hermoine the second part of your post is something I'd not considered.

It means I'm a teenager and can only express myself in platitudes.

I don't know. It's happened to me and we've seen all over the people who still live their partners but aren't having sex / no longer romantic attraction.

Not sure how else you'd word it. Not sure if you'd express it either other than in b terms of going to relate.

I agree it can also be an excuse for an affair etc though.

But as a relationship goes on its not in common to lose that spark. That's when you choose to work through it toughed or give up isn't it?

I think the grass is greener somewhere else and I'm off to find out. So sod you and the kids I'm off...

Well it was in my case...

It means 'I'd be upset if you got hit by a bus but I don't want to live with you anymore'

...or maybe that's just how I feel about my 'D'P!

What Twiggy said.

I'm sorry.

heard that in July. I'm afraid its meant to me its over. that 13yrs together just gone. like that.

I do think it depends on what comes next too: and I'm off or I want to work on it or please I'm desperate not to loose you let's see what we can do or I've given up etc etc

I love my family but I'm not "in love" with them.

For me the former is a feeling you can have for good friends and family. You do love them a lot. Have strong feelings for them and really don't want to hurt them. You'd do almost anything for them, but probably hold a little of yourself back.

Being "in love" with somebody is, to me, wanting them in a sexual way, them being the person you want to talk to about your day the most, the person you just can't help touching sometimes when you pass by them, being the person you want to share life's romantic moments with.

I'm very much in love with my husband after 13 years still.

As a line for breaking up with somebody it's very poor, doesn't help them and isn't helpful. I've certainly never used it!

I think it can be used as a cop out but it can also mean exactly what it says, when you still care about someone and like and respect them but you just aren't in love with them anymore and you don't want to be with them

At face value 'I care about you a lot but I don't want a sexual/romantic relationship'. Reading between the lines 'It's over but I'm being nice so you can't get angry.'

But then people should say what they mean- do they mean 'so let's split' or 'its because I'm shagging someone else' or 'so lets book a wkend in Paris' .

It's unclear and terribly egotistical.

I'm shagging other people and doing whatever the hell I like while you juggle work, kids and cooking nice food. Can you dress a bit sexier please and remember to send my mum a birthday card. That's what my loser ex meant by it anyway. Good luck OP...