What does 'I love you but I'm not in love with you' actually mean?!

[BigOrange]

Because to me it seems like a massive cop out! I've accepted that having had this said to me, that's that and there is no more hope, but in your experience what does it actually mean?!

No matter how it is said, no one likes being dumped. All those who say this is just awful - what would you say instead that was any better?

Lazy in my case the actual truth would be nicer! I have my suspicions about an OW, and to be honest it would be better for me if he just told me that. At least then I'd know there was no going back on my part rather than thinking over and over about what went wrong and my part in it and if we can fix it.

And actually thinking about it, that's why I've got such a problem with it, it's too vague. It allows for overthinking, and analysing and I think it also allows you to have a little hope. Whereas actually telling the truth, even if it is just 'I love you like I love my cat but I never want to have sex with you again so we can't be together' does not.

Sorry I agree with a lot of PP.
It means he's having an affair and this is the beginning of the end.

I've always thought it was a love / lust confusion issue.

As a PP said, it's that first part of a new relationship feeling with all it's lustiness and 'aren't we similar' crap. Once that feeling has left.... "I'm not sure I'm in love anymore".

Not everyone finds love in sharing household chores and responsibilities

Yes, terrible vague cliche.

Equivalent to "it's not you it's me".

I had a bf a few years ago who dumped me on NYE with similar 'kind' platitudes.

It just left me very confused and upset.

Speaking to his brother who was my original friend it was actually that he had decided, although he liked me, he didn't want to take on my kids and as he felt seriously about me this was an issue big enough to mean he needed to finish it sooner rather than later.

If he'd actually explained that then it would have saved me all the overanalysing and heartache I had, as his actual reason was one I'd be totally behind. I wouldn't have wanted my kids involved with someone who didn't want to be involved anymore than he wanted to string me along!

I agree with others that it can mean a lot of things and covers up emotional immaturity.

It means:
'I got bored and am shagging someone else, but I don't want to tell you because that would make me feel bad, and I would much rather make you feel bad as I have the emotional maturity of a 2-yr-old.'

In my case it was "I'm fond of you but I'm not in love with you, but I think we should keep seeing each other and see how it goes". What I then did was dance to his tune for the next 18 months until I realised quite what an arsehole he was and finished with him.

What I should have done was tell him to go fuck himself, but at the time I was desperate for the relationship to work.

It's an incredibly shabby thing to say to someone and smacks of massive cowardice in my book. Do the decent thing and finish the relationship, don't string them along.

All you have to say is, thank you for letting me know, in that case it's better if we part, goodbye.

I think if you know it wasn't you who gave in and it wasn't you that stopped trying to make it work that's all you can do. do we ever get all the truth anyway?

I know I may have felt like that at times in my marriage but I worked at it and saw the other things a marriage brings. I would never have said that to my ex. to give him some credit I think it broke him saying it to me. whatever his motives were or are whether truthful or not I saw what it did to him. I think it is all dependant on what comes next and the motives behind it but for some I think it is a hard thing to say as much as it is hard to hear. and its hard to admit to myself I think it can be tough on the person saying it.

anyway I've waffled enough...