What does 'I love you but I'm not in love with you' actually mean?!

[BigOrange]

Because to me it seems like a massive cop out! I've accepted that having had this said to me, that's that and there is no more hope, but in your experience what does it actually mean?!

So, next question, what if said person does still want to shag and kiss you?!

I'd be tres pissed off it were me.

if it were me

They're fond of you, they fancy you, but they're not that into you. Their head would be easily turned by someone else. You are not their "one". They'd be disgruntled but not heartbroken if you fucked off.

it would be very difficult and I think I would have to say no.

I just want to be friend's. He prefers you to be in his life but not in the romantic sense. Cut your losses.

Agree with other posters here OP. He sort of loves you in a sort of loving you way, but likes you moreish as a friend, but then he's not too sure. Do I need to go on? very wishy washy and nothing you should ever put up with.

Thanks all. It's already done, I've gathered all my strength and am trying to move on. I guess I'm looking for answers but it's pointless really isn't it? I'll never understand what went on in his head

OP, one thing is certain in this life, no one will ever know what goes on in someone else's head. Don't go down the road of wondering either, that will send you potty. Actions speak louder than words.

It means....I've been shagging someone else whilst I was with you. Can we still be friends

Hope you're ok x

"I love you but I'm not in love with you but I'd still like to shag you" means "I know you love me so I'm hoping I can string you along until I find someone else and I won't have to feel bad because I told you I wasn't really interested." In your case it sounds like you challenged him on a lack of commitment and rather than being honest he thought he could feed you a grain of sugar in order to keep you sweet enough to hang on until he got bored. It also sounds like an excuse to mess with your feelings.

I care about you and what happens to you but you're no longer the first thing I think about in the morning and the last thing I think about at night.

Someone else fulfils that now.

I've never had anyone say it to me and I've never said it to anyone myelf, but i've never heard of a man saying this without there being an affair or some infidelity involved. If they don't leave or end the relationship straight away, it's usually because the other woman isn't free to house him just yet.

I think this has been effectively got across by now, but it was said to someone I know whose DP turned out to be gay - a fairly extreme example but it fits with the general drift here. But she did go on to marry a top bloke and have a family with him so things looked up

Maybe it means that I feel an obligation to you and I love you in a similar way to how I love my other family members and I want to do right by you, but I'm not sexually attracted to you .

A book that was recommended on this site which I bought for my friend who'd been told this, said that some people find it impossible to have intense and sexual feelings for more than one person at a time. Monogamous infidels was the label I think. So when they feel a heart-thumping infatuation for someone else, it kills those feelings for their usual partner stone dead.

I'm not sure people are "in love" all the time anyway in established relationships that have been through the honeymoon phase and out the other side. But it's probably only when people start feeling what they associate with being "in love" again for someone else, that they acknowledge it.

The direct translation is: "I am a huge arsehole."

I've never had it personally, but I know it's what an ex-friend of mine said to her fiance and she was a huge arsehole.

I've never experienced it myself, never used it nor had it said to me.
I interpret it as -
I like you as friend but no longer find you sexually attractive.

Of course, agree with others it could translate to =
I'm a cunt, I'm having an affair, I don't want to be with you but don't have the balls to tell you.

I too felt what Pobble felt about a boyfriend. It was weird: at the beginning of our relationship I had fallen for him hard, and felt he didn't feel the same about me, (He was amazingly handsome, and I felt out of his league). And then somewhere along the line our feelings flipped. I think at base we were so different that I realised we didn't really 'go' together.

I've never been quite sure what it means. I'm pretty sure "well, fuck off then" is an appropriate response.

Along with said person does still want to shag and kiss you?!
That would deserve a FOTTFSOFAFOSM.

Dump him. Unless you are up for being used for sex. Or using him.

I know what this means

this means
i'm not getting that first time excitement, the tingling, the looks, the belly flutters

as apposed to love - which actually means

being there when times are shit, when there is no money, giving things up for your family, helping your sick wife to the toilet

that's love

I don't think it means it when applied in that sentence.
It sounds more like platonic love.

"I don't love you any more but it would be nice if we could still have the occasional shag."

Sorry OP.