What does 'I love you but I'm not in love with you' actually mean?!

[BigOrange]

Because to me it seems like a massive cop out! I've accepted that having had this said to me, that's that and there is no more hope, but in your experience what does it actually mean?!

When I used to say it, I meant 'I want to shag someone else but I don't want you to think badly of me so i will let you think I'm at the mercy of my emotions and just being honest. Also if it doesn't work out with next shag i can come back and say I always loved you - and it would be true'

sigh. I wasn't v nice.

There's actually a really good book by relate called 'I love you but I'm not in love with you', definitely worth a read if this happens and you think the relationship can be saved (or is worth saving)

I'm sorry so many other people have heard it. It's just pathetic.

its pathetic and so so sad. shame relate didn't tell me about that book. happy to take nearly £100 from me though.

I suspect no one who genuinely meant it would say it.

I've said it sadly!! And I did mean what I said. To me it meant I loved him but was a platonic kind of love. I cared about his well being and I wanted him to find someone who was head over heels for him. That wasn't me unfortunately. This was after 12 years and a DS together. He actually wasn't in love with me in that way either so understood what I meant. We agreed had he still been in love that would have been awful.

We split 3 years ago and we are still best friends now and seeing other people.

Flaming I believe that. I don't know why people don't believe its possible. If you lose the feeling of being 'in love' it doesn't mean you suddenly hate the person or necessarily want to split.

I think I love my husband but not in love with him. I'm sure it's not uncommon, if not ideal.

Do you. .. I might order that book. I don't know in our case if it can be "saved" or just lived as is.

For me, this is how I understand it...

I love my ex, but I'm not in love with him anymore. I know that I am not in love with him because I would no longer do anything for him, whereas there was a time I would.

If it can be saved I guess it takes both people to give 100%. I knew I couldn't do that we'd gone on too long in the bad state we were in so we were best to move on xx

Am about two thirds of the way through that book, its good but I think only useful if both partners want to work to save the relationship which I don't think is the case with my dh unfortunately . Some of the case studies are v annoying - "he agreed to talk about his day when he got home, and she agreed to look at him during sex and the next week they turned up for their counselling session covered in smiles". Sorry but I just don't think things get fixed so easily!

I think it's very crass to ever say this to someone, but surely everyone has felt it?

I want to dump you but Im not sure if my new squeeze is really into me as yet, so I need to dangle you a bit longer.

Me & you are done, but Im letting you down easy.

Im dumping you but Im scared to say it to you directly

I think it means what other posters have said, but either way it means 'you're dumped'. Usually followed by the oh so insulting and patronising line - "you deserve better"

It's just being kind to finish things. But means the person still likes you but not in a romantic sort of way.

depends - but I reckon it's one of those trite phrases wheeled out as a neat and tidy cop out.

It can mean a lot of things.

Whether you think it is a crock of shit, or cowardly, or really the way that things are (he cares deeply but doesn't want to be with you) depends on what else he says, and how he says it, and how he behaves.

It means "I love you like I love my cat."

To me, being "in love" is the initial hearts & flowers and wanting to jump into bed with the other person every 5 minutes.

When that fades (as it surely must cos that high emotion is unsustainable)
you find out whether you have Love, and a good chance of a lifelong relationship, or not.

I think some people think being "in love" is the only one worth having, and may spend their lives going from person to person, moving on when the rush of in love passes.

It's like shoes v slippers - it's great to dress up and wear high heeled sexy shoes, you feel great and get a buzz.

Then when you get home the first thing you do is kick your shoes off and put something comfy on..............

(But I think it is often said to let someone down gently too.....)

Sometimes it means

I want to have my cake and eat it

I love my ex husband as i was with him for 16 years, he is the father of my children. But i am not "in love" with him, i could never envisage being intimate with him nor have any romantic feelings for him. This sounds terribly brutal, but that's what it means to me. Sorry xx

It means you don't want to be with that person anymore

I remember feeling like that about an ex I'd been in a long term relationship with. I cared about him or loved him as a friend but I was no longer in love with him.

Oh sigh

I'm fond of you but I don't want to shag and kiss you.