Do you think an affair can be harmless if it's never discovered?

[Dietxokebreak]

And if its mainly physical, neither party had any intention of leaving their partner and it's conducted at times they would be away from their families anyway?

[LeBeauReve]

I had an affair once, and no matter how much you try and convince yourself it is harmless it definitely does change how you behave and treat your DP/DH.
Also, no matter how much you think you can, very very few women can have any kind if sexual relationship without becoming emotionally involved or attached.

[Chibbs]

i dont have to defend my decisions! - if i was still single now and found someone that i wanted to have a physical relationship with, regardless if married or not then i still would. I am quite capable of having a sexual relationship without becoming emotionally involved - as are quiet a few men, so not all men doing that would have an impact on their family life.

[Leavenheath]

Thing is, the OW/OM know fuck all about whether their affairs are 'harmless'. The OW and OM never get to see their lovers disparaging their spouses, shouting at the kids or being shitbags at home or in company. You'd have to think someone was a 'good husband' and sweetness and light at home to carry on without your conscience pricking you, if you're even halfway decent.

While I'm sure there are OW and OM who get off on the idea their lovers are horrible to their spouses, I don't think everyone's that twisted. All you can speak of as an OW is the harm it's doing to you. The rest is an unknown quantity, but going by the posts on here, the compartmentaliser who's a doting husband doing his share of the housework who looks after his kids while his wife goes out for her social life, appears to be rarer than hens' teeth.

Most people on here report on here that their husbands underwent a personality transplant from a good bloke to a nasty, abusive and entitled twat.

[ScaryFucker]

Are you in a monogamous relationship now, chibbs ?

[lottieandmia]

Of course it's never harmless. You are lying to the other person in your relationship and the relationship is therefore a lie.

[Chibbs]

no i am not SF.

[ScaryFucker]

You said if you were "still single". You are in an open relationship then ?

[ALittleStranger]

Chibbs but you haven't experienced it, you weren't in the relationship where the cheating occured and have no idea what was going on.

[LeBeauReve]

The whole notion of "girl code/woman code" is so false. In my experience.

[yeghoulsandlittledevils]

Dietxokebreak tell his wife to her face and give her the chance to tell you exactly what she thinks. Do you really think she would say,

'Yes Die, of course it's alright! Go ahead and have it away with my DH, the father of my children any time you please. After all, when he isn't with me I can'[t be having him, so you might as well be making good use of him.'

Go on, try it. Give her your real name and your contact details and see what she has to say for you.

[Chibbs]

we are not in an open relationship per say, but we do enjoy others joining.

[ScaryFucker]

So, chibbs, if your partner shagged someone else without you "joining in" and without your knowledge, how would that go down ?

[MissStrawberry]

.

[Leavenheath]

Oh FFS are you really that stupid and naive Chibbs?

Of course men and women can have sex without emotional involvement, but those aren't the only emotions involved are they?

What about the stress and worry of living a double life, or the feelings associated with knowing you're deceiving loved ones and lying all the time? Or the constant fear that any day someone's going to find you out?

There are very few people if any who don't feel those emotions when they are screwing around behind a partner's back. It requires a split in oneself to carry it off and the only ones who can do that successfully have sociopathic tendencies.

What a crock of shite that this is just about emotions for a sex partner.

[RadagastTheBrown]

Chibbs - you appear to have no morality when it comes to affairs so I wonder what you would consider 'off limits' in your strangely drawn map of the world?

[Leavenheath]

arf at 'per say'

[ALittleStranger]

I think Chibbs may be my sister in law, or else all people with boringly "alternative" sex lives feel the need to divert attention to themselves.

[Chibbs]

i dont think that would happen sf, why have one when you can have 2?

[ScaryFucker]

Of course it can happen, chibbs. It's "wild" and exciting to get one over on someone, isn't it ? It's just too boring to always have what you know is allowed, even if that is two at once.

When you have a certain mindset, everything gets boring after a while. I would watch out if I were you.

[ScaryFucker]

Perhaps that repressed, uptight school mum who has only slept with one bloke in her life starts to look like a challenge to a proppa swordsman like your Nigel. I can picture it now

[Chibbs]

well yes of course there is always the chance it could happen, but that is life isnt it. fortunatly we are very open and honest with each other, as well as very trusting - it does help that he works at home and we live in middle of no where.

[Nagoo]

It's different in an open relationship. No one is getting fucked over and lied to.

The betrayal will be there whether the other party can prove anything or not. The deceit makes a mockery of the marriage more than the shagging about IMO.

[Chibbs]

i dont think my "nigel" would consider himself a "swordsman" considering our lifestyle he does not have many notches on his bed post.

[ScaryFucker]

But chibbs, where there's a will, there's a way. Those long days out in the countryside can get tedious looking at the same pair(s) of tits over the cornflakes.

How strange you are so "trusting" when you have seen first hand how some cheaters will lie like fuck to get a grip of a different pair of tits.

[Chibbs]

you have to have trust, how on earth would our relationship work if we didnt have trust?