Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

unusal confession from boyfriend, not sure how i feel about it.

85 replies

howdidntithappen · 01/08/2012 20:16

My boyfriend of 5 months confessed on Monday, that prior to Meeting me he had only had sex 5 times. He was a virgin until the age of 27, he is now 28.
I had no clue and would have guessed from his bedroom skills and confidence that he had been around abit.
He told me he has had offers but isn't interested in sex outside a relationship and that Seeinh as he hasn't had many he's not had much sex.

I dont know how I feel about this. On one hand it really doesn't matter nor make any difference. But on the other hand I just can't see how a man gets to 27 without having sex unless there is something wrong with him.

Does anyone have any views/ insight/ words of wisdom.

OP posts:
lisad123 · 01/08/2012 20:19

I think it's great that he hadn't just gone and slept with anyone on offer and his waited for a relationship. DoeSnt sound anything wrong with him at all!

NickNacks · 01/08/2012 20:19

Yes, you're very shallow if you think there must be something wrong with him.

You should go with your first thought that it doesn't matter.

lisad123 · 01/08/2012 20:20

However, the fact you think there is, leads me to belive there is something wrong with you Grin

jesuswhatnext · 01/08/2012 20:20

he sounds like a nice bloke! whats wrong with a fella wanting to wait for sex within a stable loving relationship? are we so conditioned that we think all men should be shagging anything that moves?

Milkandlotsofwineplease · 01/08/2012 20:21

He's told you how he got to 27 without having sex though. He didn't want it outside of a proper relationship.

Yes it is unusual, especially in this day and age when it's portrayed that we should be leaping into bed together from the moment we turn legal. Personally though It would bother me in the slightest. If you are happy with him and the way things are going between you then I really don't think it should matter.

discrete · 01/08/2012 20:22

I have several male friends who are not interested in sex outside a relationship.

Some are aware that sex can mean babies and are not willing to risk that with someone they would not be in a relationship with.

Some think sex without affection is quite frankly fairly crap.

All are perfectly normal, decent people with absolutely nothing wrong with them at all.

Milkandlotsofwineplease · 01/08/2012 20:22

I mean wouldn't bother me in the slightest clearly!

CherryCheesecake · 01/08/2012 20:23

My dp is 23 and has only had sex with 2 people inc. me Smile

JustFabulous · 01/08/2012 20:24

I think you should maybe let him go and have lots of loving sex with someone else if you "feel there is something wrong with him."

MushroomBurger · 01/08/2012 20:25

My DH was exactly the same - 27 before he slept with a woman, then I met him at 28 and am his only other sexual partner. I am absolutely fine with this. How did it happen? Well, he was a very shy, socially awkward geek for his adolescence and early 20s. He is also a feminist who enjoys the intellectual company of women. I think it probably took until he was in his late 20s for most women to really notice him, as up to then the things that girls and young women tend to look for (outgoing personality, good at sport, life of the party etc.) just weren't there. I am perfectly happy though, as DH is the most sensitive, kind, generous and thoughtful lover and human being I've ever met.
OP: enjoy!

PorkyandBess · 01/08/2012 20:25

It's extremely unusual but there's nothing wrong with it. In fact, it's very sweet.

Olympicnmix · 01/08/2012 20:28

So by what ratio are you going to increase his sexual experience? Wink

Original poster
howdidntithappen · 01/08/2012 20:30

Its not that I think theres something wrong with him, perhaps I worded that wrong. But none the less it is unsusal for a man to get to that age and still be a virgin, yes?

According to him he is offered casual alot but turns it down.

Obviously he's lovely and quite rare to do so. It's refreshing.

And he is very skilled in bed, certainly the best ive had and ive had some good sex

I just find it hard to wrap my head around.

OP posts:
JodieHarsh · 01/08/2012 20:30

If you are peturbed and confused by someone who happens to have a slightly different set of priorities from you, or from what you imagine a 'normal' man to have, I think perhaps you're best leaving him to someone a bit more....well: thoughtful, shall we say.

yellowraincoat · 01/08/2012 20:32

Wow. Doesn't it give you a MASSIVE ego boost that he's saved himself for you? It would me.

JustFabulous · 01/08/2012 20:33

Oh good God.

dondon33 · 01/08/2012 20:37

It doesn't have to mean there's something wrong, simply he didn't want to have sex or didn't feel ready to. Now he's confided in you, maybe he'll enlighten you further.
I think he sounds very sensible and has obviously done some homework or had a very good teacher prior to you regarding sex.

Personally it wouldn't really bother me so long as they were willing to learn :)

Original poster
howdidntithappen · 01/08/2012 20:38

I am thoughful and it makes no difference to me. I just find it hard to understand.
You wouldn't guess at all. His work were discussing number of sexual partners and had him pegged at 25-30!
And I had no idea either, even commenting to a friend about how good it was but that I was worried Because someone doesn't get that good without an awful lot of practice and I didn't want a player.

It's just unusual and I'm finding it hard to understand.

OP posts:
PorkyandBess · 01/08/2012 20:42

As long as he's good at the stuff - who cares.

He could have had 10 partners and be rubbish.

Back2Two · 01/08/2012 20:42

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn due to privacy concerns

squeakytoy · 01/08/2012 20:42

maybe he has watched a lot of porn educational videos.. Wink

HellonHeels · 01/08/2012 20:46

Well a man could have 30 or 50 or more partners and still be a crap shag, isn't a good performance more likely from someone with a decent attitude and thoughtfulness and caring but with only one or two partners than from someone who's just a selfish, notch-counting shagger?

He sounds nice. It might be more common than you'd think, too. I doubt all men just want to cop off whenever they can, just like not all women want to.

JustFabulous · 01/08/2012 20:53

What is it exactly that you are struggling to understand?

JodieHarsh · 01/08/2012 20:55

It is, of course, eminently possible that he is lying to you...

Just a thought. Sorry to throw spanner in works etc. etc.

Chubfuddler · 01/08/2012 20:56

I think most people have had a lot fewer partners than we are all led to believe is the norm. Being a vurgin at 27 may be unusual but it's certainly nothing to be ashamed of.