unusal confession from boyfriend, not sure how i feel about it.

[howdidntithappen]

My boyfriend of 5 months confessed on Monday, that prior to Meeting me he had only had sex 5 times. He was a virgin until the age of 27, he is now 28.
I had no clue and would have guessed from his bedroom skills and confidence that he had been around abit.
He told me he has had offers but isn't interested in sex outside a relationship and that Seeinh as he hasn't had many he's not had much sex.

I dont know how I feel about this. On one hand it really doesn't matter nor make any difference. But on the other hand I just can't see how a man gets to 27 without having sex unless there is something wrong with him.

Does anyone have any views/ insight/ words of wisdom.

[bogeyface]

It wasnt an assumption, it was a suggestion.

[LapsedPacifist]

This is one HELL of a lot more common that many people realise. Both my DH and one of my nicest ex-BFs (I was his first lover!) were 26 when they first had sex, and they are both great in bed. They both felt (for very different reasons) that it was important to be in a loving and commited relationship first unlike me. Both put it around a fair bit later on to make up for it!

I can think of several other male friends who were in their late 20s too (I get confided in a lot - must be my matronly norks and broad shoulders .)

Is it so very strange to view sex as more than a purely sporting or recreational activity? I also find it a bizarre assumption that great in the sack = lots of different partners. You never get to find out what pleases a partner or how to improve your technique if you've just had a string of drunken one-night stands or short term flings. What really matters is putting the other person's enjoyment before your own, and taking the trouble to find out what they like, not notches on the bedpost.

I am ancient of course. Perhaps the rules have changed. It's all about anal sex, piercings and depilation nowadays as far as I can tell.

[LissiesAWenlockLass]

It could be that you just have great sexual chemistry.

[suzikettles]

He's not doing that weirdo bible belt US thing of only counting vaginal penetration as "sex" is he?

You know, girls that still say they're virgins because they've only given blow jobs and had anal sex.

"I did not have sex with that woman" (just jizzed all over her dress which doesn't count).

He could have done everything but the whole piv which would give him plenty of practice (and probably make him a better shag in the long run tbh)...

[motherinferior]

I'd find it a bit odd. But then I am a slapper.

[mercury7]

I think it illustrates the extent to which we stereotype men.

'sowing your wild oats' is often viewed as synonymous with masculinity, it seems likely that men will conform to the stereotype because they have internalised it, rather than because they are truly inclined to want to be promiscuous.

[skyebluesapphire]

My STBXH was a virgin til he was 28. Very shy, socially awkward, bad dress sense, no confidence with women. All the women he did eventually sleep with threw themselves at him (me included) His first relationship lasted 7 years so he picked up a lot of expertise from her. He then had short relationships with two other women then met me . So I was his fourth partner but he certainly knew what he was doing in bed.

[bouncyagain]

I think OP has asked a completely fair q.

My Ex DW had not had sex before we met. I had lived with previous DP for a few years, and had had about 12 partners.

At the time I thought it didn't matter at all.

I was wrong.

It mattered to Ex DW massively. She thought I was some sort of lothario. This was nuts - there were no one night stands in that 12. One or two were not the type of girls to be introduced to Mum, but that is hardly unusual.

Her lack of experience with anyone else was one of the things that ate and ate away at our not very good marriage so now it is all over.

I tend to think that you should not be allowed to get married unless you have had at least a dozen partners, but then that probably reflects my negative attitude towards marriage which I think should be abolished and now I am going to hide so I don't get totally flamed.

[LissiesAWenlockLass]

One or two were not the type of girls to be introduced to Mum, but that is hardly unusual

And what type of girl is that?

[bouncyagain]

One was a witch (so she said) and a vegan. I might introduce a witch to my mother, but a vegan is probably a step too far... [joke]

The other one I can think of was really nice, but she was basically an alcoholic. Still vaguely in touch with her (not an alcoholic any more).

[LRDtheFeministDragon]

I don't think he's impossibly unusual, how. DH hadn't slept with anyone until he was 24. Most people in our generation obviously sleep with more people than that, I think the norm is something between 10 and 20, and so it is unusual, but it's not that unusual.

Some people are just good at sex. I've slept with men who weren't very experienced but were great, and with one bloke who'd slept with (he claims, and I should think it's true from knowing him) upwards of 50 women, and he was still, unfortunately, not my thing at all!

Why does it have to be an issue?

bouncy - women you wouldn't bring home to your mum? Really? Are we in a 1920s garden tea party?

[MadBusLady]

The "something wrong" line is bad choice of words, but yes I sort of see what you mean. It doesn't quite add up. It's not just the sex, it's the relationship part. If he doesn't have two heads, didn't grow up under a rock and is not an obvious late developer in terms of social skills etc, then why has he only had one previous relationship worthy of the name aged 27? That is slightly unusually late not to have been out with one or maybe two people semi-seriously, surely. Or am I just promiscuous odd? And why, given the seriousness he clearly attaches to the relationship bit, was it a relationship that only lasted long enough to have sex five times? What can that be, a couple of days? A week? A fortnight if you were very decorous about it?

[bouncyagain]

LRD Would you introduce everybody you sleep with to your parents? I suppose some people might. I wouldn't. I don't think that there is anything that is 1920s tea party about that, just that the people you might want to go to bed with are not necessarily people who should meet your parents.

[SwedishEdith]

I'm rather curious about what, exactly, he is doing that makes him "very,very,very good in bed"

[LRDtheFeministDragon]

bouncy, I think there's a big difference between not being in a situation to introduce someone to your parents (eg., because you had a one-night stand, as lots of us do, because it's fun), and using the phrase 'not the type of girls'.

That rather implies there is a certain 'type' of girl you wouldn't ever introduce to your mum. Yet presumably this 'type of girl' is only doing what you do ... having sex with you ... so how come you think they're good enough for sex but not for other things?

[FussArse]

He's had sex 5 times with the same woman and is now pulling advanced moves out of the bag including bondage and sex toys - after just 5 times. Jeez I'd be concerned
a) that he's lying - big red flag
b) if he's into that after having sex just 5 times, where's he going next for 'holiday treats'?

TBH I'd worry more about those things than his lack of partners.

[Whenthetoadcamehome]

Howdidntithappen, I have slept with a guy who was very experienced and CRAP in bed and another who only had one partner before me and was hands down the best I have ever had. I think it depends on chemistry, instinct and mutual comparability rather than experience tbh!

DH was a virgin before me, I errrm wasn't. He was 23 and I didn't think it hugely unusual tbh, I rather liked that he'd waited for someone special, and that I was that someone! :o consider it a compliment, he's been saving all that awesomeness for you!

[LissiesAWenlockLass]

What lrd said. It shows a real lack of respect for your sexual partners.

[mercury7]

thinking about it having alot of partners could mean that a person is so sexually inept that no-one wants to give them a second go, so they have to keep finding new partners

[bogeyface]

I think that people are being unfair about "the type of girl".

I have had boyfriends that my parents never knew about because I knew that a) it wouldnt last b) was just about fun, in and out of bed , c) they wouldnt approve. so given all that, why would I put either of us through the whole "this is my new BF...." ?

There are definitely men that you wouldnt introduce to your parents, so why wouldnt there be women that men wouldnt introduce?

[indiegrrl]

I was a virgin til my early twenties. Part shyness, part picky, and then it becomes harder as you get older and realise you'll have to let someone know it is your first time. Haven't had tons of sexual partners since, but the ones who know, incl DP of 10 yrs, have always been amazed because apparently I'm great in bed . Tho, actually, I've come to believe they think you are good in that dept precisely because they have very low expectations of what someone with limited experience would do so you easily surpass them . Talking to girlfriends who had sex at a younger age, I'd say we have the same sexual problems, and joys. I'm in my late 30s btw.

[LissiesAWenlockLass]

Bogeyface, with all due respect, you would.

The op sounds v 50SoG to me.

[LissiesAWenlockLass]

Bogeyface, with all due respect, you would.

The op sounds v 50SoG to me.

[MardyArsedMidlander]

You should watch 'The 40 year old virgin'. It's a very funny touching film. But how sad and depressing that people are seriously going 'IT'S A RED FLAG/ HE'S LYING'.

I mean, can you IMAGINE how embarassing it must be for a male to admit this to the woman he is sleeping with? And so what if he's ahem up for anything? He's obviously had a longer time to think about it! [grin}
And if you don't want him- please pass his number on....