unusal confession from boyfriend, not sure how i feel about it.

[howdidntithappen]

My boyfriend of 5 months confessed on Monday, that prior to Meeting me he had only had sex 5 times. He was a virgin until the age of 27, he is now 28.
I had no clue and would have guessed from his bedroom skills and confidence that he had been around abit.
He told me he has had offers but isn't interested in sex outside a relationship and that Seeinh as he hasn't had many he's not had much sex.

I dont know how I feel about this. On one hand it really doesn't matter nor make any difference. But on the other hand I just can't see how a man gets to 27 without having sex unless there is something wrong with him.

Does anyone have any views/ insight/ words of wisdom.

[bogeyface]

That thought had crossed my mind Jodie

Has he only had sex 5 times or with 5 women, that would make a big difference to his abilities. Otherwise I would be wondering if he was being less than 100% truthful.

[howdidntithappen]

Oh its possible its a lie. He is very, very, very good in bed, no amount of reading about it porn watching can teach you the hands on skills.

[MrsHelsBels74]

Unusual -yes
Wrong-no

My husband won't tell me how many people he's slept with & whilst I'm mildly curious it's no big deal.

[emmieging]

Yes, I'm struggling to understand what the problem is. Maybe he's so hot in the sack precisely because he hasn't just spent the last decade sticking his cock in anything and everything.

I'm going to throw a spanner in the works too... Are you sure you're not a tad worried that you've had loads more sexual partners than he has, and he might find that a bit off putting?? You certainly sound as though you have quite different values and find it hard to get your head around his.

[Chubfuddler]

Is he by any chance a musician? They tend to be very good regardless of previous lack of experience.

[howdidntithappen]

He said only 5 times, with the same woman. I said I wasn't sure I believed him and he said he thought that might be the case and if I wanted I could speak to her as they are still friends.
I'm not going to do that!

[JodieHarsh]

He might really really like you, and have picked up - ironically enough! - on some vibe which made him worry you'd think he was a bit of a player. In fact didn't you say upthread that you wouldn't like a player (i want to say 'playa' )

Maybe he's a bit ashamed of himself and is trying to impress you by his romantickal and restrained nature

Either way lucky you I have not had a really good shag in jeffing ages

[howdidntithappen]

Ive not had that many!!! In the reigon of 12. He knows, it's not a problem. Doesn't mean I have bad values. Lol

[Yogii]

oh good God indeed. How utterly depressing to think that this is how a woman reacts to such news.

[Groovee]

My dh met me at 27 and he'd only had sex a couple of times too. He's very shy and he wanted sex with someone he had feelings for rather than a load of one night stands.

[emmieging]

I didn't say bad values- I said different. And as he clearly felt that he wasn't interested in sex outside a meaningful relationship, it's not outside the realms of possibility that this could be worrying you. Clearly something is- or why post?

[JodieHarsh]

I think this says more about our society and the weird skewed sexual values we all have than about you, OP.

People are being conditioned into viewing sexual experience as some kind of yardstick for worth and desirability.

For eg., in the current thread on how many sexual partners people have had, those with 1 or 2 have namechanged out of shame, or made the face (except me).

Those with larger numbers are calling it 'a good score'.

The only 'good score' is the one that makes you feel happy, gives you self-esteem and contenment and self worth. Whether that's 0, 1, 34 or 121.

I can't help feeling that something has gone wrong somewhere. It's fantastic that we have removed ourselves from seeing sex as wrong and shameful. It's not fantastic if this value gets entirely reversed so that people who for one reason or another have had fewer sexual partners feel ashamed of themselves.

[bogeyface]

5 times with the same woman?

Then I am erring on the side of BS, simply because after 5 times they are still finding out what is where, it takes alot longer to qualify as Dr Lurve :o

My first husband was a virgin when we met and I was fine with that, but it took him longer than 5 shags to hone any sort of skills!

[emmieging]

Inclined to agree yogi- quite depressing that anyone can think theres something wrong when a fit, healthy and obviously very sexually capable guy hasn't been shagging anything that moves

[howdidntithappen]

It's not really ' oh good god' though is it. It is unusual.
Most people lose their virginity in their teens, certainly by the end of uni, it just happens.

It is unusual for a man not to have had a girlfriend until the age of 27 and to have had no sexual contact until that time.

Of course I have told him it makes no difference, because it doesn't. I just find it almost unfathomable, and I can't help that.

[bogeyface]

Of course there is one other possibility... but I will get put to death Wickerman stylee for suggesting it!

[howdidntithappen]

Bogey. Quite. Hes pulled some very sexually advanced moves out the bag. It has not for a second Been fumbled or clumsy. We have also messed about with some bondage, dressing up, sex toys etc, which is not, again, Indicatuve of someone who, prior to meeting me had only had sex 5 Times.


Jodie, I agree wholeheartly. He said he was embarassed, I told him there was no need to be.

[howdidntithappen]

Go on bogey....

[bogeyface]

Maybe he only had sex 5 times. Have you seen his birth certificate?

[JustFabulous]

The oh good God comment was about how you should be feeling flattered that he "had saved himself for you."

[bogeyface]

Or he is bisexual and has mainly had male sexual encounters before now.

These days there are so many options that he could be being 100% truthful without being 100% honest iykwim.

[howdidntithappen]

Eh?

Oh God! No, friend of a friend. Always been a he.

Justfab, I.see. yes, I doubt he was waiting just for me.

[bogeyface]

Just a thought!

In that case I think he is exaggerating his lack of encounters to make himself appear less of a player.

[bogeyface]

In all seriousness, I have to say that it would bother me if I thought he wasnt telling the truth. The lack of experience wouldnt be a problem, but if his actions showed otherwise and I would be wondering why he wasnt being honest, and that isnt a good start to a relationship.

[JustFabulous]

You can not seriously make that assumption on what has been written here.