The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Carry On Past The Christmas Party (part 1)

[TheMousefaceBeforeChristMouse]

Hello.

Welcome to The Brave Babes Bus. I'm Mouseface and I used to abuse alcohol and to be honest, there is always a risk that I'll do it again.

This is a bus journey for those who drink too much, or drink now and then, not at all, or actually aren't quite sure what their drinking means to them.

Come and meet the other Brave Babes, everyone is welcome.

Here is the history so far -

Thread 15

Thread 14

Thread 13

Thread 12

Thread 11

Thread 10

Thread 9

Thread 8

Thread 7

Thread 6

Thread 5

Thread 4

Thread 3

Thread 2

JWN's original thread

Thanks Venus, it's heavy enough going reading it but want to stick with it and hopefully it will rub off on me! Really tired of drinking and regretting drinking!

Hello

We are back and I'm exhausted. I'll catch up and pop back later. Thank you to those who posted well wishes and kind thoughts.

All is well with Nemo. Just 'routine' tests.

Back soon xx

god i'm sorry i'm dumping on here again but I have to let it out.

after saying that DH seemed to realise he had a problem earlier this week and he had been really trying to control himself he's gone out to the final function of the year that could have been tricky and ruined it all.

we're going away next week and he asked me to start getting out the maximum amount of cash each day starting today that I could. So I did. he's out to a lunch which he can pay on his card and then was supposed to be coming home from there. Instead he has had too much to drink, decided to go somewhere else, gone to get cash out for a taxi and can't. Then called me and been abusive down the phone - called me a stupid bitch for embarassing him yet again, and that he's fed up of this and he always does whatever he can so I can live a great life and I can't even make sure that he can get cash out. this is the man who last Friday had me give him cash in the morning when they were going out becuase he was obviously incapable of going to a money machine himself. And didn't even ask me for any money today and when I asked him how he was getting home gave me three options none of which involved getting a cab.

he's drunk and he's taking it out on me. And he's just emailed me saying we need to talk. And won't take my phone calls because he's out with friends.

I am dreading him coming home. I'm sitting here with tears running down my face. I can't take this any more but it's been fine since the end of October I truly through we had turned a corner.

shit shit shit shit shit

and now i have to face our au pair who's just got home from the dvd store.

Hi Mouse:):) Good to have you "home":):)

Oh biancab, what a shit , is there anywhere you can go this evening?

mouse HELLO!!! Lovely to have you back. Glad that Nemo is all right.

bianca so sorry. That sounds horrible. I hope that you're OK. Someone sensible should come along with some advice as I am not great at it. (And don't apologise for venting/ unloading on here, that's what it's here for!)

Am working late in case anyone wondered!

Aw poor Red or are you planning on using overtime money for nice pressie at Christmas:):)

desire Not actually done enough overtime for it to make a difference at the moment!! How are you doing?

Lot going on at minute Red but trying to keep good side out

bianca sorry to hear what is happening. From what you've posted previously it seems as though there are 3 things:

• you sometimes drink too much and you want to get that under control
• your dh drinks too much.
• your dh is verablly abusive (emotionaly abusive??) to you, and more so when drunk.

From what you've been posting it sounds as though you've been managing your own drinking much better recently.

And you must know that your dh's drinking is his choice and there is nothing that you can do to influence whether he chooses to drink. You can hope, you can encourage, you can set a good example, but if he has an alcohol problem (or if he just doesn't see the point of cutting down / stopping) then you can not make him do it.

I recall from your previous posts that his abusive behaviour towards you felt intolerable and that you were thinking of leaving. Is that still the situation? Do you feel as though you are in any danger? Can you take your ds's somewhere tonight and refuse to speak to him until he is sober? Are you going to give him 'one last chance to sort out his drinking and behaviour'?

Hello, lovelies

Hello to all all new ones (and changed name ones) on the bus.

I am going off radar for a bit (still on fizzy stuff, (not champagne JWN!, you socialite, you )).

I have realised that I have some things to sort out with DH, which have become more obvious in my present state of awareness.

I think I should be talking to him, instead of doing the verbal diarrhoea on here!!

I don't see a brilliant ending to it, to be honest.

Speak in a couple of days.

Mouse I hope Nemo is settled after his stay in hospital. I found it always took a while for my DC to get over it.

Much fairy dust (and for me!!)

apologies everyone - I don't feel that I have much of any use to add - especially for those who are still going through rough times. I am continually struggling to stay off the booze for more than 1 day at a time at the moment.

Witchety BIG HUGS!

Hello there to LRD. Dying to ask about yr thesis and stuff I don't want to go off topic.

Hello Rachel. Good to have you here. Don't worry about the occasional bickering; we are all vaguely heading in the same direction, and, (differences aside) I think we all know that. Have you read the old threads? (although I appreciate that there are too many now to bother with. I would recommend M and V and Ms' gobbets way of putting it.

Biancab, I feel sad reading what you wrote because I thought it was bad before and then things seemed like looking up, and then your recent posts. I hate it when people on mn automatically blame the man, but it sounds horrible for you. I have lived in a situation that was not as bad as yours (might have become so, but I hit the ejector) and the stress was overwhelming. That Julia Roberts film.

On the advice front, I can't better Venus. Do you feel it is better or worse that you are not drinking so much, iyswim? If you were using alcohol as a painkiller, I am hoping you are ok. Oh, and feel free to rant here. I think that is part of the point of mn.

Hi all,

I hope you all don't mind, I think I will be a regular poster. I'm totally sober tonight for the first time in probably 3 months. And I'm not quite sure what to do with myself.

Did any of you take up new hobbies / activities when you stopped drinking? I think I need one.

Bianca - sorry to hear that you are having a tough time. I read one of your earlier posts about your mother having alcohol abuse issues and it hitting you when you got to university. I can really empathise with that. I do believe that both of my parents have alcohol abuse issues and both have very warped ideas when it comes to alcohol. I found it hard, from day one, to control what I drank once I'd started drinking. I have only recently come to admit this.

I will spend the night re-reading the thread... Hopefully will have more to contribute soon.

To start with sorry for anyone I have missed.

forthe NT is "neurologically typical" - ie. not diagnosed with any special needs. My DD - as I think I said on that thread - has an isolated gross motor delay. She is ahead though in speech, reading/writing/concepts etc and it is thought to just be that most children balance out - but we wait and see I guess.

bianca I wish I could be more help - venus is so very wise. If you are sober and coping - do you need this kind of person let alone partner in your life? I don't ever think alcohol is an excuse for abuse. Would some time apart help you both - I am thinking of you, as I get some of the torn feelings you have had.

r-mummyy and LRD welcome and welcome back. Harsh truths are often unwelcome but evetually they might prove to have helped. Tough love is tough all round, isn't it?? I hope you will stay. The combination of views and support here have helped me SO much in many ways.

jwn would it be ok to PM you with a few questions about relationships and re-establishing yourself when you've stopped drinking and things - I've been thinking about your post today but not quite ready to put all the thoughts out there and you seem to have experience I would love to draw on.

I want to say more but think I am probably too tired. I left work with 4 out of 4 HALT and have managed to fix 2.5 - so to bed for me I think and 3.5 out of 4 will have to do.

Can't wait to be in our own home and have babysitters booked so I can get to AA - because then I had the all ups feeling that MIFLAW spoke of - without it I am just swimming in jelly.

Love to all, as ever, if I have missed anyone, I will try and catch up. x

Hi rachel I am not in a great position to offer advice just now as I have been struggling to stay off the booze. What I did find a while back when I managed to not drink for 5 weeks was that I got so much more done in the evenings - going to bed with the house tidy and everything ready for the morning was a real joy.....not dead exciting but it made me feel good.
I haven't had a drink today - day 2.

Sleeping with the Enemy.

Thank-you, Noteven, that makes sense now.
I am going to dehalt myself now.

Hi witchety well done. One day at a time, you know how it goes. Is there a particular time when it is tough for you - is it when you pass the booze shop and can't resist buying a couple of bottles 'just in case', or is it later on, when you feel compelled to go out and get something? Don't feel bad about struggling to stay off the booze - that's better than just rolling over, giving in, and finding yourself struggling to satisfy your need/addiction.

R-Mummy I post quite a bit on here to keep me occupied, and I cook (once I got over the difficult bit of wanting a glass of something while I was cooking) and I knit. I'm currently knitting a pair of fingerless gloves for my dd1 for Christmas. I'd better go and get on with that really, or they'll also be cuff-less and palm-less!

Hi Venus - happy knitting!
The danger time for me is in the evening - but that's because I am a complete idiot and keep booze in the house - in fact not just in the house but nicely chilling in the fridge. I tell myself that it is so that I can prove how much will power I have got...actually it's probably so that I can easily slip up and drink.

miflaw can I just say how useful I find your posts - I know I am still messing about at the moment, but whenever I hear myself making pathetic excuses, along the "poor me, I can't help it" or "things just happen" line I can hear you saying what a load of crap I am talking. I am struggling to keep focus, but I am much more aware of stupid excuses and illogical statements.
Hi slighride - were you previously thurso I lose track with all the name changes.

Yup, was thurso.
DH just come in. Here goes !!

Evening

How are things now Bianca I know I can be a bitch different when drunk but he does sound abusive (my XP was very simular). What is he like sober? Hope your OK

Hope you talk goes OK Sleigh

Any news Noteven on when you'll be in your own home. Have to say you sound like a completely diffeent person to a few weeks ago - good on you

I know what you mean RMummy about not knowing what to do with yourself. Hello and keep posting however you do.

Dito whitechy in that miflaw's posts are food for thought

Go steady, Thurso. .