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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Rude Mother At The Park - Tight Over Banana

156 replies

Oneday · 30/08/2005 19:21

I was asking about mother and toddler groups. I don't know her, but we've spoken a couple of times and I've always found her weird with me. So on this occasion her little girl had run off, having presumeably eaten most of the banana. My little girl reached out at the banana in the woman's hand (only a tiny piece left). She hid it behind her back, said "Oh, you like banana too, do you?" with a "Tough S**t" expression on her face and a ridiculous smile to me. What sort of cow would begrudge a baby reaching out for a piece of wretched banana? What is wrong with her?

She has not taken to me from the outset, this woman, and I've tried to be overly pleasant so that I am the 'bigger' person in this, not lowering myself to being rude etc and possibly trying to prick her conscience because she is always off with me.

I know it's not that big a deal, and I'm hardly crying into my pillow about it, but this is not on. Is it?

OP posts:

moondog · 30/08/2005 19:25

F*ing nutter.
They're everywhere unfortunately.Just completely ignore her next time.

Janh · 30/08/2005 19:25

Maybe her daughter has an embarrassing highly contagious hereditary condition she didn't want to tell you about...?

If not, I agree - cow!

Original poster

Oneday · 30/08/2005 19:43

Thanks, yes. They are everywhere, aren't they?
One morning I was really upset - about DD's father being a wotsit, mobile phone masts installed metres from our beds and I was on overdrive re childhood cancer and would I ever find a lovely new boyfriend, afford a decent life for me and DD one day, etc etc, and because I hadn't really spoken to anyone for days I told her more than I should have. It may sound like military tactics, but it was admitting weakness rather than just ignoring her or being polite and wafting past calmly. So when she was there with her husband the other day (regrettable confessional weeks ago) she said "Oh, how are you feeling today? Is everything alright" in, clearly, the most condescending tone she could muster. Proabably having said to her husband (Single mother over there, not PLU etc etc.) I smiled and introduced myself to her little husband and said to her Sorry forgot your name, yes DD and I are having a wonderful bank holiday weekend, thanks, that was just a bad day. Usually everything's great. Well, enjoy a wonderful Monday together. Cheerio. I think I sounded genuine.

OP posts:

Original poster

Oneday · 30/08/2005 19:45

Janh. Yes, her daughter does have an embarrassing hereditary condition, I fear. Her genetic heritage.

OP posts:

giraffeski · 30/08/2005 19:45

Message withdrawn

Original poster

Oneday · 30/08/2005 19:48

I must get better at keeping my own counsel, I guess

OP posts:

giraffeski · 30/08/2005 19:49

Message withdrawn

Mud · 30/08/2005 19:49

you say you don't know this woman very well but you expect her to give the last of her child's banana to your child when her daugher may well run back and want to finish it. think youre out of order

moondog · 30/08/2005 19:49

You've nothing to feel bad about,nothing at all!
(Hey,maybe be quickly and appallingly rude to her. It might make you feel better. Next time you see her,mutter audibly 'Oh God,you again!'and walk by quickly.
She will wonder whether you really did say it or if she is going nuts.

Original poster

Oneday · 30/08/2005 19:53

or at least choose carefully the people I let my guard down with. Yes, lack of adult conversation, support network, whatever, and I bottle things up proudly and then when the pressure in the bottle gets too much it all gushes out at some completely inappropriate person. Then I am exposed and vulnerable and feel stupid. Must learn from my mistakes, must learn from my mistakes. Or I'll just keep repeating them. Or is it learn from the lessons of history? You know what I mean.

OP posts:

starlover · 30/08/2005 19:54

i agree with mud on this one.
why on earth would you be upset that some woman wouldn't give your baby a bit of half eaten banana?????

starlover · 30/08/2005 19:55

tbh i would have done the same thing.
she has no idea if you let your little girl eat banana... if she has an allergy etc... some people hate other people handing food to their kids without permission
plus, she may actually have wanted it for her own child!

Original poster

Oneday · 30/08/2005 19:56

Mud, it was an inch long piece of banana. The child had finsihed it and had run off to the other end of the playground. Thanks for your support.

OP posts:

hunkermunker · 30/08/2005 19:56

Sounds to me like your history with this woman (who doesn't sound v friendly - patronising though!) has coloured the banana episode. I'd have been quite relieved that she didn't offer her half-eaten banana to DS!

misdee · 30/08/2005 19:56

i wouldnt want my dd to eat someone elses leftovers!

Mud · 30/08/2005 19:57

dont get snippy, am quite happy to offer support on feeling lonely or spilling the beans but calling another parent rude because they didn't give your child their child's food is really off

philippat · 30/08/2005 19:57

got to be honest and say i think you're reading too much into all the 'bad' things this other woman has done. She's listened to your woes, asked how you were, introduced you to her husband... she really can't be that nasty.

Janh · 30/08/2005 19:57

Yes, but there's a nice way of not sharing, and this one's way.

Original poster

Oneday · 30/08/2005 19:57

Maybe I'm wrong, sorry everyone. God must work harder.

OP posts:

Original poster

Oneday · 30/08/2005 19:59

there'a manner, though, isn't there. It's not about not giving the banana. It's about how you do it. And no, I introduced myself to the husband and her properly to try to be normal and forget it. It's not about the food.

OP posts:

Mud · 30/08/2005 20:01

i think you're lonely and confused. i think you're trying to make yourself like someone you don't. i think the fact she dosent like you in return is confusing you because eveyrone likes you. i know what its liek to reach out to someone you don't partuculary care about and then feel uncomfortable. cut your losses but don't have a chip on yoru shoulder over a bnana because she didnt' do anytign wrong

Roobie · 30/08/2005 20:02

Given your other tales about this woman she does sound like a right old cow - but I can't see the issue with the banana though....sorry! Not suggesting there was no reason for it not to get right up your nose but I guess you had to be there!

moondog · 30/08/2005 20:02

Oneday,I know exactly what you are saying and can completely read between the lines of this little tale.
I agree with you completely.Please don't let other people make you feel even worse,you sound like you've had a rough time and need to be treated more thoughtfully than this.
I would feel fragile too.

XXXX

Original poster

Oneday · 30/08/2005 20:02

possibly I am oversensitive. Very probably. I'm really not talking about the banana but the way it was done and her manner. She didn't particularly 'listen to my woes' either. It's not the bloody banana, it's her manner. No she was unkind to me. Of course I couldn't give a toss if my daughter doesn't have the wretched banana. That is not my point. Perhaps I am not being very articulate. Sorry everyone.

OP posts:

morningpaper · 30/08/2005 20:03

I think there are deeper ISSUES here!

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