The Archers - What’s your poison? Alice is legless, the fish are lifeless and Pip is clueless (Discussion #85)

[DadDadDad]

Even if you don't have a leg(?), a life or a clue, Welcome to the first ever 85th Archers thread!

Wild speculation and sensible questions always welcome - especially any newcomers.

A little game for the weekend, inspired by Timetogetup0630 and Gruach on the last thread:

Invent an explanation for how your username was the inspiration for an Archers storyline, character, etc - be creative!

My username is telling the story of Toby, Adam and Ian, although it probably needs some punctuation: Dad! Dad/Dad?

dairyfarmerswife - bit too easy for you, but as professional country folk maybe you could judge the winner?

Credit to MrsGrindah for the clever thread title

I like Will because he has a distinctive voice and comes out with lines like "Gerroff moi lahnd!"

Nic was awful last night. She has totally taken Will's line that Emma is jealous of her. I worry that Nic is one of life's victims and if she loses her job and her only friend (Emma) she will be dreadfully isolated.

Personally I prefer when Nic is bring positive and taking her own control. (The latest isolation of her is another misogynistic switch by the latest SWs.)

Nic was awful last night. She has totally taken Will's line that Emma is jealous of her.

Emma is jealous of her. And hated her at the beginning. Considered her nothing more than a gold-digger if I remember correctly. Nic has done more to build bridges in that family than anyone else involved. And for what? Emma treats her with contempt, happy to turn her friendship on and off as it suits her. Emma said ‘no’ to the babysitting request for the simple reason that she hates Will and isn’t going to do anything that might result in him being happy. She couldn’t care less about how Nic is affected.

Nic has always tried to see both sides of their argument. I don’t know why she bothers. I’m at a loss to understand how anyone can like Emma. Truly mystified.

I’m only a new listener so I haven’t heard Emma do much wrong other than be annoying since becoming councillor, which isn’t surprising given what her mother is like.

I’m not sure there’s any excuse to gloat about how better off you are in public or at your work place.

Definitely not an excuse to not hand over the pork scratching... if someone withheld my scratchings... well they may get a poor trip advisor review.

If Emma came on MN and said “my ex/BIL is being a GF saying I can’t ask his boss about why he polluted the river when I’m a councillor and now his dw has asked me to babysit on his birthday but even though I like her, I don’t want to plus I work 85 jobs” then I think MN would tell her to tell them to sod off and ask someone else to babysit (although they’d probably dig into the ex/BIL bit and tell her she’s awful and it’s all toxic and she must move and go nc). I mean, they know an entire village of people.

What are Emma’s “3 jobs”? Chicken factory, tea room and ?

Cleaning at Peggy Wooley’s and Brookfield?

Helping Fallon with her catering jobs outside the cafe? Distressing junk furniture?

Website says cleaner and upcycler as other jobs

Right, it's the moment none of you have all been waiting for. The votes have been counted and verified and the results of the Mumsnet Username Archers Threads Spurious Link Competition are in.

Drum roll....

In first place: 'sound Joe makes when they insist he cleans the bath after sitting in it all afternoon' Gruach wins a lifetime supply of Tumble Tussock

Second: 'I am the night that Pip conceived' Buckingfrolicks2 wins a meal for two at The Bull

Third 'My name inspired Adam's normal mode of delivery.' meredintofpandiculation wins one of Jill's Lemon Drizzle Cakes.

Booby prize of lifetime supply of goats milk kefir goes to Vango for mentioning HWMNBN

Please note the judge's decision is final

@Vango her other job is having 'issues' constantly which takes up a lot of time

Good stuff, DFW - thanks for taking your appointed role seriously!

Gruach's entry made me laugh so I'm pleased to see her on the podium.

Still think "Dad! Dad/Dad?" should have won

Emma is awful - surprised she can stand upright with all the chips on her shoulder.............but.........Nic was working & Emma was a paying customer. Regardless of any back story, provocation, or how helpful & friendly Nic has been to her in the past - Nic was inappropriate, rude & unprofessional in the work place & should be sacked if Jolene has any sense. That will be a shame for Nic as she enjoys her work & Will was very obstructive & controlling about her working or socialising without him in the past, but it will be of her own making.

Anyone in a public facing role has to learn to deal with the public politely & professionally. Abuse should not be tolerated, but Emma was hardly squaring up for a fist fight, just being snippy, as usual, and Nic should have just served her & moved on.

Congratulations to all the winners!

Yes DFW bloody good judging (and prize awarding) , careful, you'll be roped in to do the thread title next!!

I have never won anything before! Thank you to the distinguished judging panel.

I would also like to thank my parents for early indoctrination; my housemistress for not confiscating my radio, my university peers for having lives and consequently leaving me in peace to develop a closer relationship with Radio 4, the boyfriend who broke up with me the week Mark died - thereby tying personal emotional trauma inextricably, in my mind, and forever, to Caroline's cold heartedness from her hospital bed; the wifi in Wyoming without which - oh, am I out of time ...?

I love you all. We are all winners.

Thanks for that wonderful spiel and inspired, relevant speech, Gruach I needed a laugh! (blows kisses to all concerned

Give it a rest, Gruach, you only came third...

Although I'm still chuckling at Joe's voice going "gru - ach".

Whoops, I thought DFW did it in reverse order - thought Gruach was third. Just read it back, and realise I've made a right tit of myself.

I take it all back, and can see DFW has excellent taste.

Excellent judging dfw. I hope the winners get rosettes.

Excellent judging dfw. I hope the winners get rosettes.

Of course, and embossed place cards left over from the Flower and Produce Show

Wahey! Third place! I really didn't expect that, there were so many brilliant entries, all of them I thought better than mine. I am really ridiculously pleased!

Gruach is a worthy winner - I shall read her posts from a different perspective from now on.

Well done to prize winners! I am the pear tree in which sits the partridge that will provide the cover story for Will shooting Ed dead. Or I might be the pear tree which provides the pear that produces the cider (perry?) that makes the Grundy fortune. I hope the latter rather than the former.

Clarrie also harboured suspicions about Nic's gold-digging ("Oi thought she wuz after yer munnay,' she said to Will) and, IIRC, the writing was ambiguous about Nic's motivations for quite a while. I think the writers kept that option open before deciding to make her a good 'un and give Will some happiness.

I have to say that Will really doesn't credit his good luck, ever, does he? He's like those people (sadly, many of my generation) who think they've done something clever in buying a house before prices rocketed, and now pretend they're a Bill Gates-stylee clever business person because, independently of their own efforts, the market has risen and gifted them equity. He seems to have conveniently forgotten, in his rush to condemn Emma and Ed for parental support, his aunt's bequest and Caroline's help. I hope Nic does lose her job - Jolene would be absolutely right to sack her.

I am completely Team Emma at the moment. Nic is jealous of Emma because she has a position in the community and several brain cells to rub together. And also a bit of oomph, instead of being a simpering little wifey. Emma and Ed have to put up with Nic and Will constantly rubbing their noses in it that they have slightly more money. I hope Nic and Will end up on their uppers and have to come cap in hand to Emma and Ed for help.

I am Team Emma too. Will is just utterly outrageous.

I was astonished at the SW's decision to turn Nic, who has been a pleasant person into a rival for the thoroughly chippoi, Emma. And lose her job.