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Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

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Original poster

Other parents and children discussing my DDs academic abilities

92 replies

critterjitter · 13/12/2007 21:57

I'm absolutely raging. My daughter has to choose a book at school everyday in line with her reading ability. This morning we went to pick one and a really obnoxious little boy started literally yelling at her that she wasn't to touch the books on this certain stand as they weren't for her, and that her 'baby ones' were straight down the bottom of the room. His mother just stood there smiling sweetly as if she was quite proud of his behaviour. I waited for her to say something to him, but nothing came.

A week ago, another parent made a point of pointing out to my daughter that she shouldn't touch certain books on certain stands as "they weren't for her."

Now a friend has rung me to tell me that this same woman was discussing my daughter's reading abilties with her and why she wasn't on certain levels?????????????

Thing is, I've never discussed my daughter's reading levels with anyone at the school (the teacher hasn't even properly assessed her as yet) - so where is all this coming from and what do I do? I am boiling over about this but haven't said anything to anyone, as I didn't want conversations being held in front of my daughter.

OP posts:

FairyMum · 13/12/2007 22:01

The mums in my childrens school all discuss the other childrens reading ability. I am not sure how they all know. I think they make a point of going in to read with the children to assess them. I think you should just ignore it to be honest. My children are dylexic and can't really read very well at all so they are always being told they are on the "baby table" and "special needs" table. I even heard a mum had said that they were dyslexic because I never read with them. Honestly, just leave them be and get on with their sad musings.

wrinklytum · 13/12/2007 22:02

Maybe you should have a quiet word with the teacher?Express your concerns?

I can see how upsetting this must be for you.

My own dd will possibly never be able to read at all/to others' levels and it would break my heart if I heard such comments as the little boy made.

wrinklytum · 13/12/2007 22:06

Maybe Fairymum is right!!Ignore them and their petty ways.dd has sn and I am dreading her going to school .

Original poster

critterjitter · 13/12/2007 22:09

Thanks FairyMum and Wrinklytum. Yes, apparently the mum who was discussing my daughter's reading abilities (not with me but with another mum!) was commenting that it was probably down to me not reading with her!!!??? I'm spitting feathers to be honest. I read with my daughter and she reads to me daily. She's a really bright little girl who is eager to learn and tries really hard. I don't want to fall out with people and cause a scene, but I am really furious about this.

OP posts:

welshdeb · 13/12/2007 22:09

I would have a quiet word with the teacher.

I know there is always an element of
competetiveness amonst parents but its none of their business.

Why were these parents there when she chose her book?

Surely the point is to encourage reading as an enjoyable activity whatever the ability of the child and if your child is interested in books aimed at older children so what... It should be up to the teacher to guide her choices not other children or nosey parents.

if these parents are helpers at the school and hear the children read and they are discussing children outside of school then this is really inappropriate and should be discussed with school.

wrinklytum · 13/12/2007 22:11

Oh,ignore her,she sounds like a horrid woman.

Kids all develop differently at their own pace.I bet your dd is more advanced than hers in other areas.Ignore,ignore, ignore.Silly woman (her,not you)

JacanneAbox · 13/12/2007 22:12

I think I would speak to the teacher about it - particularly about the other child's attitude. If I were your dd's teacher I wouldn't be happy about this.

Original poster

critterjitter · 13/12/2007 22:15

Thanks Welshdeb and Wrinklytum

I'm just flabbergasted that my daughter's reading abilities aren't being discussed with ME - her mother, but amongst other mothers and even their children. And these jumped up twits think they can lecture my daughter infront of me.

Stop me from flying into the school tomorrow and yelling everyone down, because I am raging. (Bet you all want the video!)

OP posts:

FairyMum · 13/12/2007 22:17

You are not going to be able to change the competitiveness of it all. Personally I have chosen to concentrate on giving my children the confidence and tools to deal with it. And would you not much rather have a child who perhaps reads less well than others,butwho is kind and considerate ? I would turn it around and feel sorry for the mum with the boy who might read better than your DD, but who is very rude.

toastedteacake · 13/12/2007 22:17

We have an 'interrogator' at our school.

Her son is in the same class as my daughter and she openly boasts that she knows all the levels that the children are on for reading, maths, etc. "because [son] tells me".

What she really means is that he is questioned from the moment he leaves on the way home from school, and if he doesn't come up with the info she's after she gets really cross with him.

Lovely lady

Her son also 'monitors' others at the bookcase. Parents insecurity can do horrible things to 'little people'.

coldtits · 13/12/2007 22:17

bet your daughter has better social skills.

UniversallyChallenged · 13/12/2007 22:18

That is awful!! Really feel for you.

Go STRAIGHT to the top. The head. Totally unacceptable and Ive usually found it better to go to the head asap

yurt1 · 13/12/2007 22:18

Oh don't worry when ds1 was younger I was told that he wasn;t talking because a) "you obviously don;t talk to him enough' AND b) 'you obviously talk over him'. Now he's still not talking at 8 those delightful people have buggered off into the shadows.

Really people are always quick to say 'if that child was mine I would ..... ' - I always see that sort of comment as the mark of an idiot.

The boy may just have been 'rule following'- his mother should have picked him up on it but maybe ((being charitable) she said something later.

As for the other gossips- let them whitter. The only important thing is that your dd makes progress, she should measured against herself, not others.....

ggirlsbells · 13/12/2007 22:18

I think this woman's behaviour is appalling and should not be ignored.
She is being nosey,judgmental,gossipy,ignorant and rude.

If she is a helper in the classroom she should be ashamed of herself and the teacher should be told.
I help out in ds's class and never discuss anything that I do with the other parents.I never would have, but the teacher did discuss with me the importance of confidentiality when I started.

Speak to the teacher .

coldtits · 13/12/2007 22:19

Look down your nose at them and point out "I don't really think this is an appropriate topic of conversation for five year olds. I'm surprised you allow your children to behave in such a rude manner now they are in primary school - this isn't preschool, you know!"

coldtits · 13/12/2007 22:21

Oh Yurt1, I had both of those.

"Do you talk to him?" No, love, I lock him in a cupboard with a sugar dummy and a bottle of coke. And "Har har har, I'm not surprised he's quiet, I bet he can't get a word in edgeways!" ---- no snappy answer.

Original poster

critterjitter · 13/12/2007 22:22

So is this information (my daughter's reading level) confidential?

OP posts:

ggirlsbells · 13/12/2007 22:24

yes it is

she has no right discussing it

yurt1 · 13/12/2007 22:25

coldtits I had to fill in a form for a dreadful nursery he was at when concerns were raised "what sort of activities do you do at the weekend'. I wanted to write "we go to the pub and leave him outside with a bottle of coke and pack of crisps'. Funnily enough he left that nursery and the witch that ran it shortly after.

ggirlsbells · 13/12/2007 22:26

scroll down to confidentiality bit

it's not our school but we were given similar

Original poster

critterjitter · 13/12/2007 22:27

Still fuming

OP posts:

welshdeb · 13/12/2007 22:27

I would definately see teacher. These parents should not be discussing you or your child its totally inappropriate.

My older ds was a very keen reader but my younger is not and I encourage him to read by chosing things I know will interest him like the sports pages of the paper. He loses interest vey quickly and will only read things that appeal to him.

Personally I think a book a night is OTT and is more likley to put children off reading if its a chore.

perhaps they should rethink their going home book choosing system. In my children's school the teacher chooses new books for the infants once a week and puts them in their bags for going home. They also get a choice from the library and this can be whatever they like.

As a result the competetive parents dont know what books the other children get to take home.

Junior children have more choice but are guided by colour coded stickers on the books, unless they are very able readers and have a free choice.

ggirlsbells · 13/12/2007 22:30

yes we do the same welshdeb

the ORT is done by the teachers only.

I as a helper have nothing to do with it.
No one knows anything about other kids levels.

Original poster

critterjitter · 13/12/2007 22:34

Thanks ggirlsbells and welshdeb. The confidentiality agreeement was interesting to read. This information must be coming from somewhere and I suspect it is a parent helping out at the school. The upshot of this morning (when the little boy yelled at her) was that my daughter flung back the book, burst into tears and said: "I don't want any books."

OP posts:

Smamfa · 13/12/2007 22:35

When I was on the Kindie committee we had to sign a confidentiality agreement. I think the school has something similar and all parents who go in to do reading have to go through training, sign a load of papers AND have a CRB check. But if it were happening to me I'd be camped outside the heads office until I'd had my say.

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