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Primary education

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Original poster

Other parents and children discussing my DDs academic abilities

92 replies

critterjitter · 13/12/2007 21:57

I'm absolutely raging. My daughter has to choose a book at school everyday in line with her reading ability. This morning we went to pick one and a really obnoxious little boy started literally yelling at her that she wasn't to touch the books on this certain stand as they weren't for her, and that her 'baby ones' were straight down the bottom of the room. His mother just stood there smiling sweetly as if she was quite proud of his behaviour. I waited for her to say something to him, but nothing came.

A week ago, another parent made a point of pointing out to my daughter that she shouldn't touch certain books on certain stands as "they weren't for her."

Now a friend has rung me to tell me that this same woman was discussing my daughter's reading abilties with her and why she wasn't on certain levels?????????????

Thing is, I've never discussed my daughter's reading levels with anyone at the school (the teacher hasn't even properly assessed her as yet) - so where is all this coming from and what do I do? I am boiling over about this but haven't said anything to anyone, as I didn't want conversations being held in front of my daughter.

OP posts:
Original poster
critterjitter · 13/12/2007 22:38

I just don't understand where some parents get off on judging other people's kids (and in this case, totally incorrectly). I have no interest whatsoever in the reading abilities of my daughter's classmates. I couldn't even feign an interest if told.

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CaptainVimes · 13/12/2007 22:43

your poor DD. Not the best thing to encourage her to enjoy reading.

Could you do a trip to the bookshop/library with her so she can choose a book she really likes without any nosy parents about?

Doodledootoo · 13/12/2007 22:45

Message withdrawn

Original poster
critterjitter · 13/12/2007 22:52

Thanks Doodledootoo
Thing is, my DD wouldn't even know which level she is on to tell other children to be honest. She just picks a book that catches her eye every day, regardless of the level. I've never challenged this, because these are not the 'learning to read books' as such that they do with their teacher; they are books for parents to read to their children and for the children to point out words.

I'm also very reluctant to discourage her from reading ANY book. I know that I developed a love of reading by picking up my mum's books that were left around at home, so I've always encouraged and supported her to read anything that interests her.

OP posts:
Doodledootoo · 13/12/2007 22:57

Message withdrawn

Original poster
critterjitter · 13/12/2007 23:01

I'm so tempted to pull her out of school and teach her at home. Just so fed up with it all.

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Carnival · 13/12/2007 23:03

Your poor DD. Do take some consolation in the fact that the other mother is creating a monster that no one else will like - no-one likes a know it all (poor child) and I do think you should take the advice of the mothers who have advised that you express your concerns to the teacher about the negative impact the current set up is having on your daughter's wish to read. We read allsorts to my daughter and I would be furious if someone told me, or her for that matter, that ANY book was off limits - how dare they.

Good luck with it. You could consider putting your concerns in writing. If you are anything like me, it might be difficult to be measured whilst incandescent. Plus it might be difficult to get a word with the teacher privately. Just a thought, my DD is not at school yet, so I've got all of this to look forward to....

handlemecarefully · 13/12/2007 23:07

Critterjitter I am fuming on your behalf.

Original poster
critterjitter · 13/12/2007 23:08

Carnival - what would you say to these mothers? I keep debating confronting them, but am not sure how to word it!

I just keep imagining having the arrogance to tell someone else's child what they should be reading, instructing my child to tell them, and discussing someone else's child's reading abilities with another parent (within earshot of other parents). Just wouldn't happen. Who do these people think they are?

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ggirlsbells · 13/12/2007 23:09

Oh I thought it was the proper reading level books that you were picking out each morning.Thought it was a bit much having a new one each day tbh.
Agree with doodle,doesn't make any difference then what book she picks.
I am actually furious for you.
Where is this school,I'll set off now and meet you outside the heads office.

Judd · 13/12/2007 23:09

Same as Doodledoo, I have a DD in year 1 who is good at reading. Four of the mums from the class (23 in class) go in and listen to the reading, and I have heard reading levels being bandied around on Mums Night Out after a couple of glasses of wine! Then they start shouting about how BRIGHT their child is, and how they have been forced to ask for harder spellings because their child is so BRIGHT. All the BRIGHT children now have a special spellings book, in which the teacher has to write harder spellings for them than the rest of the class. DD is good at spelling, but I just write words out for her and encourage her to learn the proper spellings in the quiet and privacy of her own home. FOr school, she learns the 4 words per week that come home on her sheet.
However, DD has great peaks and troughs and she is in a special OT group twice a week, to practise all manner of stuff. She loves it and talks about the group very happily!
They are all different, she isn't me, and she isn't the same as any other child in the class but it is hard to ignore the silly women.

ggirlsbells · 13/12/2007 23:10

Tell them that if they wanted to undermine your dd's confidence by commenting on her reading abilities then ...farkin well done!

Original poster
critterjitter · 13/12/2007 23:11

ggirlsbells
Are you any good at hair pulling???

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Blueblob · 13/12/2007 23:15

I think it's certainly worth talking to the teacher seeing as it's affecting your child and her enjoyment of reading. Who knows why the child is doing that, either he's stuck on rules at this point or parents often ask questions. A friend of mine has a boy with Aspergers and often does that sort of thing with no ill intention. You can explain away a childs behaviour but the adult telling her? There are all sorts of reasons why a child may be on a younger reading age no business of other parents, it should be left up to the parent or teacher.

It sounds like something isn't good with the choosing book situation or information is being discussed in a way that isn't appropriate. I have no idea what book level the other children in my sons class are on, not even his best friends. As parents we don't discuss it, are we abnormal?

As a parent coming from a family with many dylexics with various talents, I don't see the big deal on reading level anyway. It's hardly one of those things that determines your accademic and professional future.

handlemecarefully · 13/12/2007 23:15

Jesus Judd! - do people really do this?!? (the BRIGHT stuff)? DD is in Year 1 - she is not (yet) one of the academic achievers but I haven't picked up any vibes from others...

Still I probably would come up with something searingly scathing if anything like this was said within my earshot

ggirlsbells · 13/12/2007 23:15

yep and shin kicking

Reallytired · 13/12/2007 23:15

I'm sorry that your daughter has had such a hideous experience. I think that parents who are obsessed by reading levels are pathetic. There is more to reading than just merely barking at print. Reading is one of those things that just clicks, rather like learning to ride a bike.

I think you need to have a word with your daughter's teacher and if you are not satisfied then you need a word with the head teacher.

handlemecarefully · 13/12/2007 23:16

I love ggirl [heart]

handlemecarefully · 13/12/2007 23:16

snigger!

ggirlsbells · 13/12/2007 23:17

I have no idea of other children's reading levels,
ds has no idea what levels are, let alone what one he is on.

These mothers are the abnormal ones.

ggirlsbells · 13/12/2007 23:18

evening HMC

love you too sweetie

Original poster
critterjitter · 13/12/2007 23:19

ggirlsbells
Letting down tyres?

Luckily, dad is going to walk to school with us tomorrow. Hopefully, he'll stop a couple of confrontations.

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handlemecarefully · 13/12/2007 23:21

Ahhh you are so full of earthy, witty good sense ggirl (but am going to stop now as sounding sycophantic)

Critterjitter - really hope you get this sorted. It's unacceptable, especially as it appears to be chipping away at your dd's confidence

Judd · 13/12/2007 23:24

Oh yes, happens here. I shall be choosing my seat VERY carefully at the Mums Night Out tomorrow.

ggirlsbells · 13/12/2007 23:26

can honestly say I have never been on a mum's night out in all the yrs since dd started school.

Is it a private school thing?

Sounds quite painful,I would have to get rat arsed I think.