Other parents and children discussing my DDs academic abilities

[critterjitter]

I'm absolutely raging. My daughter has to choose a book at school everyday in line with her reading ability. This morning we went to pick one and a really obnoxious little boy started literally yelling at her that she wasn't to touch the books on this certain stand as they weren't for her, and that her 'baby ones' were straight down the bottom of the room. His mother just stood there smiling sweetly as if she was quite proud of his behaviour. I waited for her to say something to him, but nothing came.

A week ago, another parent made a point of pointing out to my daughter that she shouldn't touch certain books on certain stands as "they weren't for her."

Now a friend has rung me to tell me that this same woman was discussing my daughter's reading abilties with her and why she wasn't on certain levels?????????????

Thing is, I've never discussed my daughter's reading levels with anyone at the school (the teacher hasn't even properly assessed her as yet) - so where is all this coming from and what do I do? I am boiling over about this but haven't said anything to anyone, as I didn't want conversations being held in front of my daughter.

Hi Critterjitter. Any news?

Hi Ispy
Thanks for asking. Yes, lots of news.

I sent in a letter for the teacher and she asked to see me. Seemed very worried by it all, particularly when I pointed out that DD wasn't prepared to choose ANY books as a result of what had happened. She pointed out that she was in anycase just about ready to move DD up the reading scheme anyway as she recognised that she'd been working hard in the past few weeks. Said she felt that perhaps some parent helpers had put 2 and 2 together and made 5, but wouldn't elaborate further.

Cut a long story short, DD briefly mentioned (after giving me her usual "nothing" answer to "what did you do at school today?", that she'd been asked to go to her new reading cart to choose books along with the child who screamed at her (who also gets the books from this cart). I think this may have been her teacher's way of sending a message to this kid, that she decided who read which books, not him (or his parents). She also did an impersonation of her teacher explaining to children that it was rude to shout at people. So I presume, she took this up as a theme in class.

I'm holding my breath..............

How are you?

good news critter...but I want this mother to squirm and cringe with embarrassment,has she said anything,any side ways glances ??

Ggirlsbells
Thanks for asking.
I keep getting these massive coathanger in gob smiles from the mother of the kid who screamed at DD and the other one who told her that she wouldn't be able to read the books her DD did. I also noticed that both came out of school quite late the day after I'd spoken to DD's teacher. I have a feeling that the teacher has said something to them, but what I don't know.

Anyway, revenge is a dish best served cold and all that. I will choose my moment (just got to have a plan!).

Hi Critter. You're very wise and life has a way of outing nasty people/behaviour.

Well done on dealing with it the way you have.

I think situations like this are encouraged by the children being streamed from reception- barely out of nappies they are on red tables or blue tables, they are butterflies or bees- and they all know it's to do with ability.
They pick books from blue or pink shelves- children are naturally competitive - and things like this are bound to happen.

You'd be a detatched parent not to let this bother you.

I know a few teachers- and they have said, that , to be truthful- once a child is in a certain stream, it's tricky and time consuming to change , so on the whole , they don't.

So that means a child is labled at 4- when it's well known educationally that children can plateau and then shoot ahead in a very short time.

Speak to the teacher Critter- and stay on the case.

Hi Critter

This is truely dreadful but some mothers do behave like raising children in a competition sport. I have had one mother telling me my daughter was falling behind when it was not the case - children learn at their own speed. She also started mentioning her work which she could only have known about by going to her tray.

I ignored it as I was so cross that I thought if I started I may say things I would regret. However, had huge pleasure three years later when my dd was a level 4a in reading at the end of year 3.

We did not pressure her but just started at the beginning of the Oxford Learning Tree and gradually she gained confidence and is now a complete book worm.

M

Mahonia7
I can't believe that mother was so rude! How could another parent dare to tell someone else that their child is falling behind and check their work? Aaaaarrrrggghhhh!

Hi Critter

It beggars belief - these mums are poisonous. I'm not sure why they get so competitive about their child's acheivements. It goes into every area of the child's life - academic,sport, music,amount of friends/sleepovers their children have etc etc.

According to her teacher she is very popular with all the children in her class but suprisingly is mostly excluded from activities outside of school and rarely invited to parties. I think it is because I'm not part of the inner sanctum. Luckily she has siblings and is happy to be at home with the family but I do get upset for her...

I cannot wait until she goes to secondary school where parents have virtually no input at the school gates..

M

Hi Mahonia
Tell me about it! I keep having to bite my lip when my DD tells me about the party that so and so had (but she didn't get an invite to). Again, it probably is because I'm not part of the inner sanctum. I do find it odd that any parent can organise a party and choose to exclude children from it (other than for financial reasons) when they are supposedly friends at school. The funniest one was when one of the parents organised a big party, excluded my DD from the invites, then sent a thank you letter to us for coming???!!! (which DD opened and I had to try and gloss over what it was). The look on the mother's face when I politely returned the letter to her was a sight to be seen!

When its DDs turn for her birthday party, I may take great pleasure in inviting them all and smiling sweetly!

Yep, roll on secondary school!

Hi Critter

Your post made me want to cry. It is so aweful that our little girls have to go through this. Mothers have openly discussed in great detail parties that they have not invited my dd to in front of her.

I can honestly say that I really dislike the majority of mothers in this school year. It is so hard to explain to my dd such horrible behaviour (theirs).

Last year my dd had a wonderful teacher that recommended that she was put on the G & T register. However, when the G & T stuff started this year I found out by accident that much less able girls were doing the weekly lesson but my dd had not been included.

I know this was due to these mothers putting pressure on the new teacher to put their daughters first. I wrote to her teacher and she looked really embarrassed when I saw her at parents evening.

I just tell my daughter that this behaviour is an example in how not to behave - ever.

My dd's birthday is soon but the way I feel about this whole thing makes me not want to invite any of them to any kind of celebration.

Maybe we should form a support network for mothers of children that are excluded because their mothers are not in the "in" crowd.

M

Mahonia7

Think I'll be an honorary member of that network!

We had another party invite snub tonight! The mother looked acutely embarrassed when my DD asked her why she hadn't been invited (because her daughter had told my DD that she hadn't been!). She muttered something about needing to "have a talk" with her own daughter.

Yes, I do find it hard trying to explain to DD why people behave like this. She always comes out with comments such as: "But I thought she was my friend?"

I'd keep on at the teacher about the G&T stuff. It sounds like a breakdown in communication between the previous and new teachers ie. the old one didn't tell the new one about her recommendation.

Hi Critter

I hope your dd is ok. These women are bringing up children to be so spiteful. Our dds cannot be the only ones that suffer this. It is totally disgusting.

I'm not sure what is going on at the school. I wrote to my dds teacher last year and this year and they both said she would be included this term but no joy.

I'll make a fuss if dd gets upset again but can't wait for secondary school as things are decided via CATs test scores and not outside influences.

M

Hi Mahonia7
Are you writing to the class teacher or the Head? It sounds like you need to be writing to the Head with copies of previous letters to the class teacher included.

Must admit that I've been mulling over changing my DDs school, as I don't want her surrounded by this behaviour and these attitudes (and to grow up thinking that they are normal).

I have to admit that I am relieved that my son goes to after school club. Some mothers clearly have no life beyond their own children.

I would give anything for there to be an after school club at DDs school!