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Primary education

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Original poster

Other parents and children discussing my DDs academic abilities

92 replies

critterjitter · 13/12/2007 21:57

I'm absolutely raging. My daughter has to choose a book at school everyday in line with her reading ability. This morning we went to pick one and a really obnoxious little boy started literally yelling at her that she wasn't to touch the books on this certain stand as they weren't for her, and that her 'baby ones' were straight down the bottom of the room. His mother just stood there smiling sweetly as if she was quite proud of his behaviour. I waited for her to say something to him, but nothing came.

A week ago, another parent made a point of pointing out to my daughter that she shouldn't touch certain books on certain stands as "they weren't for her."

Now a friend has rung me to tell me that this same woman was discussing my daughter's reading abilties with her and why she wasn't on certain levels?????????????

Thing is, I've never discussed my daughter's reading levels with anyone at the school (the teacher hasn't even properly assessed her as yet) - so where is all this coming from and what do I do? I am boiling over about this but haven't said anything to anyone, as I didn't want conversations being held in front of my daughter.

OP posts:
handlemecarefully · 13/12/2007 23:27

Oh good grief! Have a stiff one Judd - you might need it (hope you have a taxi booked for the journey home)

Carnival · 13/12/2007 23:28

I definitely wouldn't have any kind of confrontation with them in front of my DD. From the sounds of it, they are extremely arrogant and extremely rude. The things that they would be willing to say, not to mention the example that they set, in front of their children is just a world away from what I want to say/do in front of mine. So I know I wouldn't 'win' an argument with them. You don't sound like the sort of person who would be willing to sink to their level.

With the benefit of some time to consider, it is easy to say that I would have knelt down beside my daughter and said, that boy is being rude darling, just ignore him (cuddles, breeze away) now let's get you a book for tonight (big smile). In actual fact, I'd probably have been as dumbfounded as you were and be close to tears and as red as Rudolph's nose.

I think you need to rise above it for your daughter's sake. As much as it would be nice to buy a knuckle-duster and give her a jab in the face, you'll probably need to settle for quietly trying to change the set up, so as you don't have to have an interface with the witch-woman.

I really do hope you can get things changed for your daughter and those who follow her.

Original poster
critterjitter · 13/12/2007 23:28

They'd have to sedate me before I could go on a mums night out with that lot. Husband just said quite meekly: "Think it might be best if I took her to school tomorrow, I know what youre like!"

OP posts:
coldtits · 13/12/2007 23:31

I not only have no idea about other children's reading levels, I don't care either [apathetic]. Really. I really don't give a crap.

My brother grasped the basics at 8. I grasped the basics at 3. We both read as well as each other, and have similar taste, now.

ggirlsbells · 13/12/2007 23:32

lol at sedating yourself

Good luck tomorrow critter,whatever you decide to do.Appointment with teacher or head without dd definitely better I think.

AM off to bed ..night all.

handlemecarefully · 13/12/2007 23:35

And yet you share the same parents coldtits who, according to these idiots, didn't practice reading sufficiently with your brother and merely grunted at him, whereas they clearly hothoused you.

Mad 'logic' isn't it!

Carnival · 13/12/2007 23:37

I agree coldtits, reading is supposed to be bloody fun, and these motherbleepers are spoiling it!

[On high horse now] Why are some mothers happy to bring up arrogant little shits?

It would be naughty step, angry face time if my daughter ever said anything so rude/hurtful to another child and apology would have been necessary, too. Where have the manners gone?

wrinklytum · 13/12/2007 23:40

Critter,you sound like a lovely caring mum.Have a quiet word with the teacher.If this gets no joy,write a letter to the head.

Your little girl should be proud to have such a caring mum.

Really,it is no one elses business about your childs reading.You give her lots of choices and read to her and encourage and support her.What more can a loving mum do.I read to both of mine,(though dd has the attention span of a gnat),but she still likes the pictures and when I make funny animal noises to her farm book!!!No child should be made to feel inferior or mocked.

Between the other mum and yourself,I know which child I would rather be in a class with my sn dd,I am sure your child would be much lovelier.Hugs xxx

ItWasOnlyAWintersTellus · 13/12/2007 23:40

You are always going to get some parents who view their children's achievement as a reflection of their own parenting. And so to maintain that position, they need to see slower progress in those areas as a reflection of other parent's poor parenting.

You will find though, that this only applies to things their children do well.Obviously anything their children are less good at is either not open to parental influence or too open to influence by incompetent teachers

They're rude and ignorant. Ignore them.

handlemecarefully · 13/12/2007 23:43

lol, spot on tellusmater (it is tellusmater isn't it)

ItWasOnlyAWintersTellus · 13/12/2007 23:45

It is.

Original poster
critterjitter · 14/12/2007 14:48

I've decided to talk to the teacher about it after the weekend. If this (confidential) info. is coming through mothers helping out in the classroom, then I want to make sure that they are
majorly embarrassed by being approached about it by the school.

I think I will also ask for her records (if they are being left out) to be put away when these mothers are around and for them not to be involved in her reading. I'm just not going to put up with this crap. I'm still angry (as you can see!).

OP posts:
ggirlsbells · 14/12/2007 16:45

Good plan,they should be suitably mortified if the school approach them.God would love to see them squirm.

Ispy · 14/12/2007 20:57

Your dd sounds gorgeous and she will come out of this as a really well rounded individual thanks to having you as her mum.

I am going through something sort of similar. Although in my case dd's teacher is a very negative, old school, disciplinarian who doesn't take anything other than an excellent standard across the board (dd is 5.5 and in Senior Infants in Ireland, second formal year of school). I've been so concerned about dd based on teacher's feedback of her 'not being where she should be' that I paid for a private Ed Psych assessment. Guess what, she's completely age appropriate. The Ed Psych was enchanted by her and commented on her demeanour and lovely manner/nature.

DD is not (so far) academically inclined but is a sweet, gentle, warm hearted, generous and dare I say it stunningly beautiful little girl, both outwardly and inwardly. I am so proud of her in the face of today's school environment, in our case unlucky teacher allotment and also surrounded by competitive pushy parents.

Keep your chin up and this too shall pass.

kazzyann · 14/12/2007 21:04

even volunteers in the school are governed by formal confidentiality rules and anyone that is known to breach these rules would not be allowed to continue volunteering in the school if the head is informed of this persons behaviour

Original poster
critterjitter · 14/12/2007 21:07

Ispy and ggirlsbells
Thanks for your message. I can really see why parents homeschool their kids now. I really don't want my little one in this sort of environment. I chose for her to go to school and be taught by a teacher, not to be stuck in a classroom with bored mums creeping around trying to work out who's doing what at what level. It really offends me.

Even when I met her from school today, one of the mums came up and tried to start a 'who's child has got most Christmas cards today?' competition. Can you believe it? It really is sickening.

OP posts:
MummyPenguin · 14/12/2007 21:44

Having only read the opening posts - I'd be furious too and I'd have it out with the Mum who's been discussing your DD. She's got no right.

Original poster
critterjitter · 14/12/2007 21:51

MummyPenguin
How would you start off the conversation? I saw her today and was biting my lip so hard I could hardly breathe (because DD was with me and I didn't want her asking me what we were talking about).

OP posts:
fircone · 15/12/2007 13:43

I feel for you. Some of these mothers are absolutely obnoxious. They spend more time at the school supposedly 'helping', but spying is their sole aim.

The latest I have come across is one-upmanship via Christmas card: ie a four-year-old writing in beautiful copperplate handwriting, "Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year, love from Marigold", when your own dc can just about manage two recognisable letters (back to front).

Original poster
critterjitter · 15/12/2007 20:49

Anyone got any good ideas about how to word this in a note to the teacher without giving the impression that I'm baying for blood? (which I am).

OP posts:
handlemecarefully · 15/12/2007 21:14

fircone - that's a bit sour I think! Perhaps the child can just write well? My 5 year old isn't the greatest at handwriting in the universe (she's in the bottom group for reading, writing etc), but when she receives a well written card from one of her more able classmates I don't interpret it as one upmanship

fircone · 16/12/2007 12:51

That's very noble of you, but I think you can generally tell if the card is the work of an eminence grise.

Ispy · 16/12/2007 16:43

Hi Critterjitter. I wouldn't put it in a note personally. Always feel things in writing are not a good idea.
Can you put a note in dd's bag asking for an appointment to see teacher? I would say as little as possible - only the bare facts and wait to see how the teacher responds. It would be a two part conversation on your part
a) this is what happened
b) what will you do to ensure this doesn't happen again?

Ispy · 16/12/2007 16:49

Fircone. Just wondering, do you think the child's mother meant it to appear that the child wrote the card? Is it neat but childish handwriting? I just wonder if people are really capable of something like this....

I ask because my dd received a letter in neat but childish handwriting, yet a lot of the letters are not formed as they are taught to write them, ie a straight t as opposed to one with a little curve and it has left me puzzled to be honest...

differentbutthesame · 16/12/2007 17:59

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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