DC parents ignored my note – WWYD?

[LondonSuperTrooper]

My DC is friendly with a little boy (let?s call him X) in his reception class. At the open evening his teacher tells me that they play beautifully together & my DS is always coming home talking about X. X attends after school club everyday and to date I don?t know who his parents are.

Just before half term I put a note in his bag asking his parents to get in touch if they are interested in getting the two boys together for a play date over the holidays. They didn?t get in touch and haven?t even acknowledged my note. I think that is extremely rude and I am annoyed about it.

As a treat, I have bought theatre tickets for my DS and some of his friends. I asked him who he wanted to invite from school and straight away he mentioned X. Also, DS keeps asking me to invite this X over for tea (we haven?t started play dates yet).

My DS is a late summer born & is an only child. I?d love him to have friends over for tea & increase his social skills as he?s really shy.

But, what should I do? I?d loathe writing another note and having it ignored again. Or should I write another note regardless? After all, my feeling aside, it seems my DS really enjoys playing with X.

Looking forward to all your thoughts!

Maybe the parents' didn't get the note
Do you do the pick up? Maybe you could hang around and introduce yourself.

Notes in school bags go missing more often than not. Would not assume you have been ignored.

I would suggest that notes and reception children dont mix all that well. I had to go and apologize, with a red face that I had put a party invitation in the recycling box with a whole stash of pictures and little notes dd had written as I hadnt realised what it was when dd was in reception.

Also if this boy goes to afterschool club, I would assume his parents work/are busy so may not be too keen on playdates or trips out.

It's very likely they didn;t even get the note. These things get lost/scruched/covered in banana really easily. Could you ask the teacher to pass them another note? Or the after school club?

crazynanna I do school pick up three days a week but X goes to an afterschool club five days a week.

littleducks I understand that his parents are busy but I was expecting them to at least acknowledge my note!

shakey I think that I will write another note & ask the afterschool supervisor to pass it onto his parents at pick up time.

Notes are a bore but I see that you needed to use one in this instance...

Perhaps they did write you a note back that you didn't get??

Since you have the theatre tickets that's a good avenue to write again. Give you phone number so they can speak to you about it and as you've already said go via the after school supervisor.

the note probably got lost or they've been busy and not got around to replying. Is there no cahnce of catching a parent in the morning before school?

Doesn't your school provide a contact list? My DCs does, and although you can opt out if you wish. Its invaluable for playdates etc. Another technique is to discover when roughly X gets picked up from after school club, and try to bump into his parents there and get contact details.

SenoritaViva In my note I wrote out my e-mail address and mobile number.

Hopstheduck My DS attends breakfast club in the morning and X does not.

mummytime After school clubs runs till 5.30pm and I pick up my DS at 3pm. I don't really want to loiter around the school for 2.5hrs.

The school does provide a contact list but his details are not there. It was the school that suggested writing the note.

I think you might need to take a hint if their details aren't on a contact list and they don't reply to notes. Sorry. They could either be very busy or not interested.

dont you know any of the other parents at pick up? couldn't you ask them if they know X's parents or have their number?

BTW you said in your note " to get in touch if they are interested in getting the two boys together for a play date over the holidays."

maybe they aren't interested so no need to get in touch.

My only DS is in reception.

I think in this instance you have sent a note asking parents to get in touch. whether they do or not is up to them. I like playdates and am happy to host because it means my DS has someone to play with. It suits me to do this but not everyone likes them or want to join in 9which is fine). There are many reasons as to why they may not respond to your note.

In the past I have been annoyed when parents don't respond to invitations to my DS's birthday parties. I now just let it go.

littleducks I fear that you are right!

HeresTheThingBooyhoo I guess you are right, but I guess I still expected to get a thanks but no thanks!

I think that I will hold off writing another note. There is a birthday party next weekend and hopefully I will bump into them and gauge their reaction for playdates etc.

Thanks for all of your replies & suggestions.

would have been nice. i would have acknowldeged your invite even if it wasn't something i wanted to do.

i think waiting til the party is the best plan. tehy could just be a bit wary of you never having actually met you but chatting to you at the party might relax them a bit as the will get an idea of who you are and what you are like.

BTW, i'm really forgetful and i could have every intention of ringing you to reply but then i would forget and when i would remember again i would be too embarrassed to ring after so long.

oops, missed off the first part of my post. it should have said "yes an acknowledgement would have been nice"

Hi,
I'd definitely assume they didn't get the note. Some parents (not me obviously! ) often forget to look inside their child's school bag from one week to the next. Scrunched up bits of paper can easily get forgotten. They may just be busy and disorganised. They may also be unsure of their son going to play at a house of someone they've never met, and are not likely to meet since they work. or may think they can't reciprocate, since they work, so don't want an unfair social scene to be set up.

But I'd give them a second chance or more. A good friendship for your shy son is worth pursuing. My son befriended a boy in his class and asked for him to come home frequently. But it was impossible to pin his mum down to a date. She literally crossed the road when she saw me coming. This boy was never allowed to parties or school trips. It seemed like she actively isolated him. But I persisted and persisted. Eventually she was cornered when we bumped into them as a family and I asked the dad, who said yes. Now they are round at each other's houses all the time, go for parties together and the mum and I get on very well. She even stops by for a glass of wine occasionally. I'm one of the few people she speaks to. We still have no idea why she was so against him socialising for over a year but it's in the past now.

Could you look for the parents at pick up time? Or ask the teacher if she would mind passing on a note?

Oh and you said "Also, DS keeps asking me to invite this X over for tea (we haven?t started play dates yet)." That IS a playdate!

Thanks for all of your replies :)

My note did not ask for X to come over for a play date at my house but about getting the two boys together with both us (the mums) being there. Be it at a park, soft play etc. I wouldn't expect X to be comfortable in my house as I've only met him once and vice versa.

I am not goingt to ask X for a playdate until I've met his parents. Afterall, I would not allow my DS to go to someone's house if I haven't met them or know them etc. I guess what I am trying to say is that it is a shame that X's mum is so busy.

What I will do, is that I will probably invite some of his other friends whose mums I do know to come over for a play date.

seeker he attends afterschool club & is not picked up at normal school pick up time. I did ask the teacher to pass the note & she suggested putting the note in his drawer & that the TA will put it in his book bag.

Hmmm.

From your writing here, the impression I'm getting is rather bossy.

People don't HAVE to reply...

If the child is in after school club every afternoon, maybe they just don't have time to meet up.

Perhaps you could encourage your dc to ask someone else to come round and play.

would the after school club pass on an enveloped note for you?

If the child is in afterschool club every afternoon they probably see the weekends as 'family time' and are probably not keen on the idea of a including parents playdate. I know I avoid all birthday parties where I am expected to stay or it is too far away to be worth coming home and only do the dump and run variety as I really end up resentful of it eating up my time, and dd is always ambivalent about the whole thing so its not worth it!

I would leave the notes for now and look out for them at the party, then if you have had a chat and got to know each other thenou can decide how to proceed.

If both parents are working, which I assume they are seeing that the boy is at afterschool club every day, then you must assume that they did not get time off over half term, and used half term childcare. If they did get the note, they might not have felt it applied to them. And if they are both working, and took some time off over half term, I bet they wanted to spend some quality time with their child, or go away somewhere, rather than hang around in a park with a stranger and her son. I am sorry if that sounds harsh, but I fear to many this is the reality. Combining work and children, and spare time activities can be quite challenging. Especially if they have older children too.

The playdates my sons have are usually planned weeks in advance, and we can usually just squeeze in one per week, per child, if any!