DC parents ignored my note – WWYD?

[LondonSuperTrooper]

My DC is friendly with a little boy (let?s call him X) in his reception class. At the open evening his teacher tells me that they play beautifully together & my DS is always coming home talking about X. X attends after school club everyday and to date I don?t know who his parents are.

Just before half term I put a note in his bag asking his parents to get in touch if they are interested in getting the two boys together for a play date over the holidays. They didn?t get in touch and haven?t even acknowledged my note. I think that is extremely rude and I am annoyed about it.

As a treat, I have bought theatre tickets for my DS and some of his friends. I asked him who he wanted to invite from school and straight away he mentioned X. Also, DS keeps asking me to invite this X over for tea (we haven?t started play dates yet).

My DS is a late summer born & is an only child. I?d love him to have friends over for tea & increase his social skills as he?s really shy.

But, what should I do? I?d loathe writing another note and having it ignored again. Or should I write another note regardless? After all, my feeling aside, it seems my DS really enjoys playing with X.

Looking forward to all your thoughts!

so did you buy the tickets and promise this day out with friends to your son before anyone had agreed to come?

a lot of people want family time over holidays, others still work over the holidays so its more of a juggling act than ever.

the wording of your note didn't really require a RSVP like an invite to a specific event would (but I would still reply just to say thank you anyway)

why on earth is it bossy to want to invite a friend round to tea? Is this going to turn into one of those "Our lives are far too interesting/busy/private to even think of letting our child start to have a social life of his own" threads?

Seeker - I meant the tone of the language sounded bossy

yes the OPs tone does sound bossy, and I think "I think that is extremely rude and I am annoyed about it" is a massive overreaction, most people would in the first instance think they just didin't get it, did intent to reply but things got in the way/forgot, couldn't, put reply in OPs DS's bag which the OP never got and didn't reply to...... before declaring them rude and annoying!

god knows how many notes for the OP she never got so didn't reply to either, would she want to be ticked off the list forever more?

BleughCowWonders hmmm not sure that I was bossy. But I must confess that I was put out by not recieving a response to my note, be it yay or nay.

grumplestilskin I bought three extra child tickets for my DS to invite his friends. If I am to be honest, I'd rather invite other friends than X but my DS seems to be besotted with him. And no, I didn't promise him a day out with friends. I bought tickets for my family (me, DH, Granny & cousin) & then I thought it would be nice if some of his friends from school came along too. I'm trying to help him form friendships - is this wrong?
I've already invited 2 children from his class but the the 3rd ticket is still spare as he keeps changing his mind as to who he wants to invite IFYSWIM.

QuintessentialShadow I take your opinions on board & when you put it like that I agree with you. It's still a shame though
I work practically full time but would love to spend an hour or two every now & then for DS to meet up with his friends from school.

I think that maybe I am trying extra hard? We are new to the area & I would like to help my DS settle.

But like I said earlier, I will nopt write another note for X and just wait to see whether he will be at the birthday party next week..... and just take it from there.

And ladies, many thanks for all your feedback.

I will nopt write another note for X and

That should read that i will not write another note!

FFS - parents are busy people and just because you want them to do something doesnt mean they are rude if they can't do it to your timetable. You have no idea what's going on in their lives - maybe they are ill for example or dealing with a life problem or maybe just plain busy. If you want to make friends in a new area you've got to start with a positive warm attitude not your self-righteous easily offended stance. Cut people some slack!

Talk to the parents at the party, it will be much easier when you have met face to face. Unless they drop off and leave. But you can still try and catch them!

grumplestilskin honestly! I didn't mean to sound bossy! But doesn't manners dictate that one should respond to a note/request w=call it what you like. Isn't ignoring the note a little rude?
Granted I haven't factored in the note getting lost.
As for my DS losing notes etc, I think it's very unlikely as I seem to get all of the school letters & papers.

cupoftea No. All paperworks are usually in the book bag.

Ha sit ever occured to you that the note didn't get to them?

As for my DS losing notes etc, I think it's very unlikely as I seem to get all of the school letters & papers"

sniggers, well done for raising the only primary school kid who'll never lose something they are handed to pass on to mummy!

I wouldn't worry about it - notes in reception book bags are often lost, or left out in the 'to do' pile and then get forgotten about. I'm sure it wasn't intentional - it's very easy to get caught up in the mayhem of work/housework/ferrying multiple offspring around/etc

I can guarantee the not got lost or overlooked. It will turn up, draggled and forlorn, towards the end of term in a pocket on at the bottom of his school bag.

Write another note, or best of all, wait until you see the boys parents at the end of the day.

IME quint is right, an invite for tea at your house is likely to be better received than suggesting a get together with a mum you don't know v well. sympathies, as I would also prefer to be on coffee terms with my ds's school friend's parents, but meh.

I would write another note (unless you have an opportunity for face to face) and if you don't get a response from this take it that a playdate or wotnot isn't going to happen. I agree that its rude not to repsond and all this were bust buiness doesn't really cut it with me how long does a text take.

QuintessentialShadow thanks, that's what I was intending to do.

WorkingItOutAsIGo How am I being self-righteous? I have been friendly to the mums that I've met & have been out with them after school with the children and so on. But be it what may, my DS likes X and can't stop talking about him & hence the note that started this discussion :)

I guess the fundemental point is that I had high expectation of recieving an acknowledgment or a text to say thanks but we are not interested. Now that my expectations have been knocked back & I now know that it is OK to NOT respond to other people's notes/letters/invitation etc I will be a happier bunny as I shant be expecting a reply!

Another idea - ask the nursery staff to pass on a note to the parents when they are doing the end of day handover?

grumplestilskin Thanks! It wouldn't bother me if he starts losing some of the large volume of paperwork that he come home with. All I'm keep getting is requests for bake sale, donations etc.... shame that these papers do not seem to get lost!

All, thank you! I didn't factor in the note getting lost. Message is recieved loud & clear

tbh I would feel horribly compromised to get a note like that; I would just not want to spend my precious free time with another woman I didn't know. I would find it very difficult to say no without sounding unfriendly (which I suppose I am) and would put it on my ever-growing pile of THINGS TO DEAL WITH.

There it would sit until the other mum got fed up and posted on mumsnet.

zookeeperI don't get it.

I'm all for precious family time but don't full time working mum (of which i am one) want their children to have friends from school?

ZOOKEEPER Its not about you its for you DC.

I have moved to a new area and spend lots of time with my DC's friends parents, I have no intention of befriending them (thats another thread) but I do it for my DCs and to make the school run a nicer experience.

cat64 In an ideal world what you described would happen at a playdate. However, I was reluctant to invite X over to my house not having met his parents. Am I being weird? I'm not thinking of myself but thinking of X coming to my house not having met me. Plus, I just assumed that his parents would not want to send their son to my house having not met me.

Is it me just me struggling with this concept?!

jackiejones you've hot the nail on the head! I'm doing all of this for my DS!