First Christmas with newborn - what would you do?

[Ritchie30]

I can’t believe it’s July and this is already coming up but here we go 🙈😂...

1st child due 8 weeks before Christmas. Hadn’t even given Christmas a second thought until the last couple of weeks when every lot of family that we have nearby have mentioned in passing that they can’t wait to spend Christmas Day with us and the new baby 🙈🙈🙈🙈

Between DH and I there are 3/4 houses that all want us on the day 😳 None are far away (furthest is 20 minutes) so that’s not an issue. Every house has family who’s 1st grandchild/great grandchild it’ll be.

DH would like us to invite everyone here for Christmas Day so that we don’t have to leave the house 🙈🤣 That’s about 22 people in our house and is just a no-go for me 😂 I suggested us going to each house for an hour during the day as we can then leave and move on and end up back in our own house settled for the night rather than trying to get everyone to leave our house! DH says it’s a terrible idea lol.

What would you do? 🙈

That sounds like way too much for me!

I would not be trying to fit 4 visits in one day but rather spread them out a bit over "the Christmas period". Whether that's 2x Xmas eve and 2 boxing day with Xmas day to yourself or something else.

Think of the traditions you want for your small family going forward and build around that. Everyone else is important but secondary.

Hi I have a slightly similar situation... first baby due 3 weeks before Christmas and will be first grandchild on my side but not my partners so not exactly the same. We agreed that Christmas Eve we would say we’re happy to have visitors up until about 7pm but after then we’d like it to be just the three of us. Then Christmas morning the same just the three of us but happy for visitors between around 11-2. For our Christmas dinner we will go to my parents house (about 5 mins away) and stay there probably until the evening. Then Boxing Day we will again have a family morning and go to my partners mums around lunchtime for a Boxing Day dinner with his family.
His family live around 30 mins away so not that far. Originally we toyed with the idea of driving to visit his family for an hour on Christmas morning but decided against it. All of that is also dependent on how I’m feeling after giving birth as well lol.
We don’t want to set a “tradition” and thought this seemed the fairest thing to do. I definitely wouldn’t be visiting multiple houses it’s probably best to just try to pick one and then politely tell people your decision and you can always switch it up next year but I understand it’s tough especially as it’s the first on both sides!

I would start my own tradition.
Stay at home and see everyone over the xmas period. Zero need to do it all on the one day.
22 people visiting someone with a 2 month old baby is insanity. Does your DH have much experience of babies?

This just brought back memories of Christmas just gone, made me shudder at the thought. I had all these visions, Christmas pudding outfit, the whole shebang. It couldn't have turned out worse unfortunately and I've just had to accept that Christmas was a write off. My son was 5 weeks old, it was awful. We had been in hospital for 8 days, my son in NICU and I was so emotional I didn't want to be around anyone. Nothing can prepare you for how difficult it is. We hadn't slept, I remember falling asleep on a chair at my dad's. I didn't enjoy the day at all, it was too overwhelming.
Sorry to sound so negative, but just be prepared it may be very tiring for you, so I wouldn't cram too much in.
Best wishes for your new arrival.

No fucking way!!!

Your DH is totally deluded.

There should be no way on this planet that either of you will be thinking about providing hospitality for 22 people. And nor should you be thinking about leaving your own house.

When you haven't had a baby, it's very difficult to envisage or imagine what it's going to be like, but you really need to give yourselves some slack and stop either thinking that you need to cater for other people, or that you need to be visiting other people.

You need to stay at home, and minimise the number of people that are visiting/that you're catering for.

I'm amazed that your mother or your MIL haven't already said the same to you.

Please, please, please don't let any of this happen - you will be absolutely exhausted and you won't enjoy any of it at all.

@domesticslattern agree. Slightly concerned at how your husband sees it being with a young baby....entertaining 22 people on zero sleep, crying baby...

Dd was due Xmas Eve.
Legs tight closed...
Arrived NYE - glad didn't have to deal with that!!
Older dc was a Nov baby so not as much emphasis on Xmas plans!!
Tell everyone you are staying home. Afternoon tea the 23 /24/26/27 and give them slots to visit you!!
And tell them what to bring!

Yeah that’s a fair point @Oatmilk1 😊 i definitely want our own little family traditions going forward. It’s just so tricky managing everyone else’s expectations without causing family drama 🙄

@Kb28 You’re braver than me 😂 I know if u let people in my house then I’ll never get rid of them regardless of if I put a time limit on it or not lol.

Honestly you won’t want to do any of that- stay at home and relax.

DD was three months last Christmas and slept most of the day and obviously had no idea it was a special occasion honestly the last thing I would have wanted to do is go visiting or even worse entertain people. Our house was a tip and we spent the day grazing on cheese watching movies while DD slept - it was amazing!

I had exactly this - baby born 2 months before Christmas. Bought ready meals and junk food and went nowhere. I was absolutely not prepared to start wars over who saw us when. We saw neither side over New Years either, just so there was no perceived tradition being started. We did one side 21-23th and other 27-29th. At least when MIL kicked off the following year I had had enough sleep by then to cope with it!!

@Ritchie30 actually I hadn’t thought of the potential difficulties of getting rid of visitors lol may need to rethink the plan!!

I also agree with what other people have said about starting whatever traditions you want for your little family too. I know someone who had everyone round for Christmas dinner the first year her baby was born and it has turned into a tradition that she never meant to start... as other people have had kids they also come too so it has kept growing over the last 5 years!

DD was 8 weeks old on Christmas day 2016.

We had family visit briefly on Christmas Eve and again on Boxing Day.

On Christmas day we chose to spend it as just the three of us, so we could all sleep whenever we needed. We bought pre-made (M&S and Cook) Christmas food and took it very, very easy.

I'd had a surprise csection - so we chose to keep it as lo-fi as possible.

I really glad we did.

@Ritchie30

It’s just so tricky managing everyone else’s expectations without causing family drama

It's not tricky at all. You simply state that as you will only just have given birth, this is what is going to happen. You are staying at home. You will be having a quiet (hah!) Christmas with your DH and your newborn.

People may visit - but you should be very strict about who and when and how long.

Oh gosh @Someone1987 - I’m sorry you had such a tough time of it 😓 I hope you have a much happier Christmas this year 🤞🏼

@Sunnydayshereatlast @BIWI @domesticslattern Ohhh don’t worry, the 22 people in the house and us providing the hospitality will NOT be happening 🤣 Obviously us visiting other people would be very dependent on how we were feeling on the day too. Furthest house is 20 only mins away and we pass all the others on the way home so I wasn’t thinking of it as that big a deal but you guys might have just given me the reality check I needed 😂 was hoping to do an early afternoon of visiting and make each house give us a Christmas dinner to takeaway then get home and lock the door, get the Christmas pjs back on and eat all the Christmas dinners and a tin of quality street on the couch and not venture out again until after new year 🤣 Maybe I’ll just space out the visits instead 🤣

Erm... no to hosting. No to running around.
You will still be establishing BF, if you go down that route. Night will be day and vice versas.

Yes to you having a lovely quiet calm day, and yes to relatives preparing food parcels.

The baby won't have a clue what is going on. Plan to host in 2/3 years instead.

I agree with your DH except I’d not have everyone over at same time. I’d have them come in 3/4 family groups each for 2hr windows during the 24-26th.

You don’t want to get in the habit of never spending Christmas in your own home and with your own traditions.

Dd was three weeks old on her first Christmas, I hosted. Not for 22 as we didn’t have the room in our 2 up 2 down but we had 9, so plus us was 12 total including baby. Trust me, that was full! The turkey weighed more than the baby. We went out visiting those we couldn’t fit in the house on Boxing Day.

@Teacaketotty That sounds amazing actually 😂 I think I’ve definitely had the reality check I needed!

I’m always too quick to try and make others happy I think! Too worried about the fact that it’s everyone else’s first Christmas with a grandchild etc. It’ll be our first Christmas as parents so in reality, that’s much more important. Family Christmas pjs, chocolate and naps it is 👍🏻🥰

Our second ds is due a month before Christmas. We'll have everyone here as usual but will accept help with shopping & cooking this time. Only 8 adults and 4 kids though so not 22.

My 1st born was born 8 weeks before Christmas. We went to my in laws (we do alternate years). Then Boxing Day drove 4 hours to my family.
It was lovely, I was happy to travel and not have to entertain. It was a very different Christmas. In the early day’s all days just roll in to one.
I’d say, do whatever makes you happiest but in someone else’s house. You can still hideaway in different rooms if need be.
This year my next little one is due 7 weeks before Christmas and we will be doing the exact same thing x

Do they all get along? You could say it will be a bit much for all being together this year in one go but suggest that they can visit between 11-3 or something, the baby wont care about noise and will still be too young for a routine but you may well be knackered so I'd try to keep it low profile this year, next year will be more fun, baby may be walking and will have their own little personality, or perhaps suggest that you all go for a carvery/Indian whatever you like on Christmas eve and stay home just you 3 on the day.

Wow, Christmas and new babies always seem to cause family arguments don't they, and this is both at once!

I also think hosting 22 or going to four different houses would be equally awful. I would be considering a few options:

1. Tell everyone you're having a quiet Christmas day with just DH and baby, but tell your family they can come on Christmas eve and DH's family they can come on boxing day. Give them times and suggest a potluck type thing where everyone brings food. Use paper plates.

1. Same as above for the day itself but you go and visit them on Christmas eve/boxing day. Depends how you feel about hosting.

1. Tell everyone you're going out for Christmas dinner at a (baby friendly) restaurant or pub chain. You are booking on X date and they are welcome to join you or not. So you can potentially see everybody but you get to choose when to leave (no awkward kicking out etc). But obviously depends how comfortable you are with baby in public.

I’ll tell you what we did last year (baby born end November last year). We had 1 family over to our house (his mum and brother) who cooked Christmas lunch (had way earlier than dinner), we made it clear to them that we wanted the evening to ourselves so that meant they left at like 5. His parents are divorced and his dad, stepmum and stepsister agreed we could visit them on Boxing Day for dinner after dropping in for a cup of tea at my aunts and her 4 children and my other aunts and uncles were to meet us there . However my parents and brother, uncle and gran wanted us on Christmas Day. I said to mum to collect my gran and tell my uncle to come to our house about 6pm but again made it clear the baby still had day night confusion and so they could only stay til 8 unless we decided to extend. So you don’t need 22 there all at once and I would suggest you keep to parents/grandparents/siblings on Christmas Day itself , my uncle was only let in on the fun as my mum always spends Christmas with him since both their parents have passed (the gran I mention is dads mum) , he has no other family and he would be on his own otherwise. I estimate that over the two days we met over your number of people but the bonus was we did no cooking and we had people just fuss over us and only had to actually go to two places on Boxing Day and no where on Christmas Day.

My first was a feb baby so not like he was a newborn but everyone was still keen to see him over the Christmas period for his first Christmas we don't like anywhere near family (closest 3 hours away) so any visitors would need to stay over we literally said no, not having anyone round we want his first Christmas to ourselves. My mum step dad and his brother stayed the 27th but it was on the way back from my step dads elderly parents in Devon and we were 'on the way home' if you like but even that I wasn't massively keen on but hey ho. I'm sure they assumed his second Christmas would be difference however this year I'm due twins NYE (would be my actual due date) but as they are identical I've been told to expect them if not naturally by 36 weeks then I'll be induced or C sectioned.. so if anyone thinks they're visiting this year they got another thing coming.. I'm sure I'll get the 'your going to need all the hands you can get to help' yep that's great i have a partner and some loverly local friends, but if I need family I'll be sure to ask so 👍🏻 I've not even had the conversation and I'm dreading it. I only told them to expect to be grandparents etc again this Monday just gone lol. Good luck with whatever you decide! Family are literally great but also the worst!! Sometimes you gotta upset people to be fair to yourself and being fair to yourself and your own physical and mental health is absolutely the most important thing and if your family can't understand that then they will have to learn quickly! Xx

Do what YOU want.

I find it important to see family at Christmas but doing it all on one day is ridiculous. For a long time, we went to my parents' for late lunch on Christmas Day and stayed until early evening and then went on to the ILs' where we stayed and had a second Christmas on Boxing Day. We then had a meal/drinks/day out with other grandparents/siblings/whatever around the festive period. Now that we have the room, I host my family (13 of them) on the 25th and MIL hosts on the 26th.

I check with the dc every year and their number one priority is seeing their grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins. It's not popular on MN (cries of dragging the dc out and away from presents) but they are horrified at the notion we have anything other than a big family Christmas. I love it.

You should love Christmas too. Decide what you want and speak up.