First Christmas with newborn - what would you do?

[Ritchie30]

I can’t believe it’s July and this is already coming up but here we go 🙈😂...

1st child due 8 weeks before Christmas. Hadn’t even given Christmas a second thought until the last couple of weeks when every lot of family that we have nearby have mentioned in passing that they can’t wait to spend Christmas Day with us and the new baby 🙈🙈🙈🙈

Between DH and I there are 3/4 houses that all want us on the day 😳 None are far away (furthest is 20 minutes) so that’s not an issue. Every house has family who’s 1st grandchild/great grandchild it’ll be.

DH would like us to invite everyone here for Christmas Day so that we don’t have to leave the house 🙈🤣 That’s about 22 people in our house and is just a no-go for me 😂 I suggested us going to each house for an hour during the day as we can then leave and move on and end up back in our own house settled for the night rather than trying to get everyone to leave our house! DH says it’s a terrible idea lol.

What would you do? 🙈

My baby is due around the same time 😊👶I would invite everyone round so you don't have to travel around all day, just not all at the same time. One lot could come for dinner, another for evening munchies and some could just pop round in the afternoon.

No way I'd split it between Christmas Eve/ Christmas Day and Boxing Day

DS was born in January so almost 1 on his first Christmas, but we got the same with everyone wanting (expecting) to spend the day with him. In the end we compromised on a visit to see MIL in the morning, had my mum over for Christmas lunch and went to see FIL on Boxing Day and had a second lunch there. Was still a bit more than I'd have liked to be honest, it wasn't relaxing at all. This year we've already made it clear we'll be having Christmas Day at home just the three of us and FIL is going to have a buffet type affair on Boxing Day and anyone/everyone can go there. If people don't like it it's tough; I look forward to Christmas too much every year to enjoy the whole build up but then have the day itself ruined by not getting to do any of the things I actually want. Please yourself OP!

I had a four week old at Xmas 2019 and I spent it in my pjs watching tv specials with DH and sleeping mostly 😁 it was glorious.
We did have a fake Xmas a couple of days beforehand with in laws and DSS as he was with his mum on Xmas day and truthfully it was really hard. I didn't have to do anything except turn up but I found it all very difficult -I was so sleep deprived I just wanted to go to bed with DD and have lots of quiet time. I love my in-laws so nothing to do with not wanting to spend time with them - I just wasn't ready for the outside world.
But each person is different and eight weeks is different to four and only you know really if you will want to be travelling and visiting or having people over.
If you do have them over then ensure that everyone brings a dish so you don't have to do any cooking and it's understood that you can disappear upstairs to sleep if you want to

I have to admit, everyone always says stay at home when you have a tiny baby but I loved going to someone else’s house for Xmas day and Boxing Day. No tidying, cooking or shopping to do. Chucked us in a nice Xmas day outfit, job is done!

My question is... who's going to cook you Christmas dinner? Then go from there! I admit 4 houses in 1 day is a lot! Why not do 2 on Christmas and 2 on Boxing Day? Or 1 on Christmas Eve.
Having Christmas Day on your own my be you thing but for me Christmas Day is for family.
I would say no to the hosting!!
I know it's not the same but when my little one was 8 weeks old it was my sister in laws wedding and I was a bridesmaid! it was fine as all we had to think about was having a nice day and caring for the baby as food was provided etc!

Oh god it's a nightmare isnt it. All these assumptions. Be very wary of setting a precedent with anyone! Also v tricky if you and your DH cant agree. I have similar w mine.
I would rather get divorced than have 22 people in my house at any time, xmas or not!
U cant make 4 visits in a day either...
I'd spread it out over the whole period and stay home on xmas day.
In any case I suspect we may have a 2nd lockdown of some kind around then.

Ahhh it’s tricky isn’t it!

I would spread it over the Xmas period too, some visits to them, vice versa. Will make the whole period special and a lot more relaxed.

On the day I would have a Christmas dinner just me, DH and baby at say, 1pm, and then have grandparents only round at maybe 4ish for some sandwiches & mince pies, for an hour or so, if they wanted to come.

No way would I be driving around visiting various people in one day. I would have refused to do that even before having a baby!

We have one DD age 3, and usually host Christmas for about 12 of us. I love it, but I find I’m less focussed on DD which I found really sad last year. I’m due DD2 at the end of August, and we are going to follow the plan I mentioned above. Aiming for a much more relaxed Christmas this year.

You are going to be seriously knackered!!!

Accept an invitation to christmas lunch from one of the inlaws, see the other one christmas eve or boxing day for an hour for drinks, and leave the rest for another time.

This year will be a time of simplicity and self care.

Yes or skippers idea, drinks and mince pies at 4pm. You will be tired.

This will be our first Christmas with a newborn, our little one will also be about 8weeks.

My plan is to spend Christmas at home and suggest that grandparents might like to come over for the day and cook for us so we get the comfort of being in our own home but not stress too much about being in charge of the cooking etc. This will be the first grandchild on my side, so hoping it takes some pressure off.

But that may all change once the baby arrives, I think in reality we will wait and see how we feel nearer the time.

My first was 2 weeks old on her first Christmas. We visited my parents, my OH's parents and then had our own Christmas dinner at about 9pm sitting on the couch... It was exhausting and a total whirlwind but my brain was still a bit foggy at that point. Maybe break up the visits over a few days, that's a lot of people to see.

I haven’t read the full thread but I just want to say:

At Christmas you just snuggle up with your newborn and tell everyone else to bugger off.

We have 4 sets of parents (so baby has 8 grandparents) and it was hard to tell them we didn’t want to see them but it was totally worth it! We saw each household on days between Boxing Day and New Year instead. Staggered and much more chilled out.

Relax

I wouldn't try to see everyone on one day. Set up a system where you see them all over the festive period and alternate who you see on Christmas Day itself (we do this). I also wouldn't arrange consecutive days in case you need a rest day! Don't worry about creating drama - I would hope most people can appreciate how draining it is having a newborn baby and that other family members will want to be involved.

Christmas won't be normal Christmas this year. Sorry, but with a baby that young it's not going to be that fun. Make it just the three of you, keep it special. The days before and after your can see them at different times. Think of you but also your poor baby!you never get this time back.

DD is similar age, born last year. We went to family for the entire Christmas period and it’s such a blur to me now. I really regret it, and that’s because of BF -we were still establishing it, I had no space to do it, I was nervous to pull my boobs out in public, every time the baby cried someone snatched her up (rather than me get to know what the cries were), she didn’t get to sleep properly as she was constantly being grabbed, I asked people to wash hands before holding her (and this was pre COVID!) and people were weird about it, I was nervy every time she cried as in my hormonal state I thought it was ruining other people’s Christmas, I didn’t get to eat Christmas dinner as she was attached to the boob. We got home and she had lost 8% of her body weight and I put it all down to not being at home and focusing on her.

The first 12 weeks of a newborn baby are - to put it frankly - a wild blur. I wasn’t prepared for how hard it could be, even with an “easy” baby! Far far better to set expectations right now and use COVID as an excuse “oh, we’re not sure how much socialising newborn babies will be able to medically do by then, assume we’re not with you and if we can pop by for a few hours we will”. And then when you go to people’s houses you say “we’ll be with you from 3-4” or whatever. Yes you might piss some people off but they will forget super quickly and you’re doing the best for your baby, which is protecting it. Let alone protecting yourself - you may still have stitches, lochia, etc - take care of your little unit.

Baby due 6 weeks prior to Christmas, as it’s our first I’m fully prepared for baby to only be 4 weeks old on the day. We thankfully got our round of hosting done the last 2 years so will probably spend this year at my parents and go to his on Boxing Day. Having said that I’m fully expecting more Covid madness and preparing myself that this Christmas will be very different from any other (and not just to do with the new baby!)

Bear in mind as well, a baby that small will spend a lot of time sleeping (and may need lots of assistance from you to get to sleep), a lot of time eating (and if you're planning to breastfeed you may not yet be feeling comfortable with getting your boobs out in front of assorted relatives), and relatively little time awake and being interesting. And while I wouldn't necessarily expect an 8 week old to have a routine as such, you'll be into a pattern of wake-feed-play-sleep that should be somewhat recognisable by then - which means you'd be somewhat working around (or against) that as you do your visits.

I know I'm probably less practiced then other people in getting out and about with my baby due to lockdown, but I have to say that any sort of mad dash to see four sets of people in one day would be logistically challenging even to the most gung-ho of parents. And you don't know what your approach will be yet because you haven't had to do any of this stuff yet. But I think you need to recognise that people who want to 'see the baby' don't just want to clap eyes on the baby but to see the baby awake and interact a bit. So it's not like you'd be doing this on an adult schedule of dropping in for half an hour, having a mince pie and moving on.

I'd suggest doing one household per day over the festive period - whether it's that you go to them, or they come to you. And you can use the 'a chance to really see the baby properly' angle to help get people on board with it not all being on Christmas Day itself.

Definitely commit to nothing and say you’ll just have to see ho you’re getting on. It will be so difficult and you’ll be so exhausted as so many have said. Nice to do your own thing for part of the day and then maybe just see one family for a couple of h.

Probably being a negative Nellie, but I do think Corona will play a big part again this Autumn Winter so that may play in your favour if social distancing/lockdown is ramped you again.

So this will be largely dependant on how perceptive your family are, BUT-
First Christmas with our baby (he was a few months) everyone came to our house in the proviso they did all the lifting. So they did all the cooking, cleaning up etc and gave the baby cuddles when needed. I was able to retire to bedroom as and when I needed to to feed, nap etc. it was actually lovely! But it would completely depend on your family respecting boundaries and just being generally helpful.

First Christmas with our early December baby we set a precedence. We would be staying at home for the day as a family and people were welcome to visit on the morning or for tea.
Boxing Day we visit both sets of family - one for lunch and one for tea.
I absolutely love Christmas and would always make anyone welcome but for us now Christmas Day is all about DS, opening his toys, spending time together and relaxing. Next year we'll have 2 to enjoy the day with us and can't wait xx

This came up for us months ago and the baby isnt due till september 🙈🙈
last christmas we spent the days leading up to xmas with my family and then xmas day and a few days after with his, and the plan was to rotate.

His mum still expected to spend xmas day with us this year and I oit my foot down and said no, this is what was agreed.

There will always be someone unhappy but just put your foot down early.

i deffo wouldnt be visiting 4 houses in one day.

Hi op, it's a tricky time, just have a think about what would work best for you and go from there. Hopefully family will be understanding, but I know from experience people can get carried away with their own excitement and not think!

Last year I had a 2 week old, my first baby... Who had arrived 4 weeks earlier than expected! We had the morning to ourselves, Christmas lunch at my parents and left early evening, then saw dhs family boxing day evening after having all day at home. Quite low key under normal circumstances, but I was still overwhelmed and to be honest it feels like a blur when I think back on it. But it was nice to see everyone and have food cooked etc, so there were good points too 🙂

You have time to think it over and plans may change depending on when your baby arrives and how you're feeling, so just try to make people understand you'll be doing what is right for your new little family unit. Xx

My DP family always expects us to make the effort to see them and they live far away and it’s always so annoying, last year we blew them out completely for xmas day and just saw them Christmas Eve for a little bit each and spent Xmas day with my family where we are most comfortable but I’m worried about how they’ll be this year, my baby boy will only be 8 weeks too! DP family never bothers to come up this way to see us so I want to just spend it with my family but I’m dreading the snide remarks

I wouldn’t plan to see anyone; see two lots on Christmas Eve and two lots on Boxing Day but for short periods of time and go to theirs. It sounds like it would be tricky to decide on just 1 or 2 people to see on Christmas Day.
We hosted when DD was 8 months old and with the sleep deprivation it was tiring enough so add in lots and lots of feeding and even more sleep deprivation to go to 4 houses or have them all to you would just be too much and you won’t get to enjoy the day.