Well I certainly wasn't expecting that....

[Psmith83]

So it turns out that there's a whole load of weird things that happen to you during pregnancy.
Today I experience a heady cocktail of nausea, heartburn and ravenous hunger. SIMULTANEOUSLY. I didn't know if I was coming or going.
Other highlights have included spurious, uncontrollable farts, shooting pains in my lady bits and an overwhelming contentedness to sit down and do NOTHING. Not even think. Seriously, my head feels like Dido or some sort of light jazz has taken the place of actual thinking.
I also did not anticipate feeling like my own gravitational field when sitting in the sofa.
I'm 26 weeks today.

Anything else to add?

One of my vaginal lips is swollen and tender and hurts. It hurts all the time and I have to take Paracetemol to dull the pain! The pain in my mini For fucks sake.
I don't even know how to start that conversation with the midwife and I'm not even shy.

I had to get a mirror out to check what it was and my lady bits look different. Old and wrung out, like they've had a hard life. And this is my first baby, and it hasn't even come out yet!

Oh yeah am 28 weeks. Third tri SUCKs. DH said in wonder the other night "your nipples are like... MALTEASERS!" This is after I made him promise not to leave me for a young woman with neat pink fresh vaginal lips

I'm actually glad to find out the excess saliva is normal with pregnancy, I thought I was just being gross. I wake up with wet pillow.

So I put nearby hanky on pillow. Husband looks shocked when he finds me drooling onto a bloodstained hanky:
' what's wrong are you ok?!'
'Yeah, it's just to soak up the dribble'
'What about the blood!?'
'Oh yeah my nose bleeds all the time too'

Sexy bedtime arrangements!

Oh my god I'd not even put two and two together with the excess saliva. I am night time drool queen, so gross.

I'm struggling at 34+4 to find anything to laugh about (other than my ability to clear a room with one small trump) so thanks for this thread.
Worse PG symptom of the last trimester has to be the unending tiredness which pervades my every waking moment. Except when I go to bed. That's guranteed to wake me up.

lol this has cheered me up tonight :) 31 weeks and can't decide which has been my weirdest/worst symptom

nursey that's exactly how I feel! I need matchsticks during the day, but as soon as it's bedtime I'm wide awake

Does anyone else have a really dry, cracked mouth as well? I can't decide whether it's because of pregnancy or if it's just the cold but I'm sure I've never had it this bad before. Really painful splits in my lips!

Yep avocado I have the dry lips, I'm putting it down to be so outta breath all the time, I've been using loads of blistex lip stuff and it's been much better

Ive suffered with dry mouth and cracked lips all this pregnancy, even my homemade lip balm isn't enough. Also the tiredness till bedtime then I cant sleep and fidget all night! The breathlessness isn't nice, I had it early on and was so relieved when it got better but its back even worse this last fortnight, im now 29 +4 weeks

phlegm anyone? I wake in the morning with a horrid spaggy old mans smoking cough?

YY to the lips! I had to pick and roll chunks of really tough and sharp skin flakes of this morning then made them bleed.

I sent DH to get me some Lansinoh cream (not even breastfeeding yet ffs) and in a desperate moment earlier used some as lip balm. It's really good! My mouth actually feels normal again.

im the same with dry lips. lansinoh is a no for me as im aĺlergic. found that out after ds waa born and my neck and chin swelled up and had a awful rash from my chin all down my chest then down my right side all the way across my c section stitches and down both thighs lesson learnt no lanolin this time. still boots own os only one i found without it. it works and only about £3 so cant complain

And the mad sex dreams. Far too wrong to reveal here....

I'm 35 weeks and have had most of the above (which was very comical to read!) At the beginning along with morning sickness I had a continuous waterfall of phlegm pouring from my mouth which would be stringy and foul. Now its wild hormones and a complete lack of sense of humour along with crying like a child over near enough nothing! Last night crying because of the lack of satisfactory empathy from the other half. I've never been like this before. Keep telling myself to get a grip... roll on due date!

Lol Catmous, 'weird sex dreams!' I forgot to add those- and sleep orgasms! Ha. If I'd known about those I probably wouldn't have been quite so terrified of pregnancy...

Oh the weird sex dreams I actually wake up ashamed of myself some mornings!

Lol, have all of this except (so far) piles. Am on pregnancy no 2 and am decided that this is very definitely the last one!

I think they should send heavily pregnant grumpy, tired, hairy, veiny, stretch marked, windy, snotty women into school sex ed classes, along with new mums with their piles, tears, purple stretch marks, jelly bellies, leaky boobs and poo stained tops. We could all over share. Much more effective than what they do now!

I reckon the farting and hairiness works in my favour, tbh. It keeps DH from getting ideas about hanky panky. No one is getting near my sore boobs and bits!

The exhaustion made worse by the twice nightly trips to the bathroom, and the sore boobs that mean I am only comfortable in my sports bra. These are my least favourite things so far, though I'm only newly pregnant.
P.s. my neighbour has added to my sleep woes by buying a Cockerel and putting it's home a few metres from my bedroom window! I get woken up every morning :-(

Hahaahaah oh viking you are amazing!! Yes to everything you said!!

I had proctalgia. Google it - just like someone stabbing you in the arsehole.

I am 19 weeks and have grown an all over body pelt. If I could be arsed to bend down I could plait the hair on my legs, and my pubic hair is migrating south for the winter. Taking off tights has become a process of tortute. I also have a line of hair on the inside of my forearms that is about 2 inches long and hard to cover up all the time. Have considered torching it.

So it turns out my phlegm is a post nasal drip. Very common in pregnancy... I wish it not on you ladies.

This thread has brought be out of lurking! It is so wonderful to feel NORMAL and not a freak of non-glowing pregnancy.
I can tick off perky nipples, waking with the driest mouth ever (complete with sticky rubbery dried saliva-grim), constant snuffles, a whole orchestra range of farts but the worst has to be the constipation. Why does nobody tell you about that??? I too have thought this must be preparing me for birth as my pushing muscles are now exemplary! Extra fibre, prune juice, extra fluid-nothing helps and then all of a sudden I get the reverse and have a mad dash to the loo.
Thank you all for making my pregnancy

Oh i had post nasal drip pre pregnancy katoso it is an utter waterfall now haha