Well I certainly wasn't expecting that....

[Psmith83]

So it turns out that there's a whole load of weird things that happen to you during pregnancy.
Today I experience a heady cocktail of nausea, heartburn and ravenous hunger. SIMULTANEOUSLY. I didn't know if I was coming or going.
Other highlights have included spurious, uncontrollable farts, shooting pains in my lady bits and an overwhelming contentedness to sit down and do NOTHING. Not even think. Seriously, my head feels like Dido or some sort of light jazz has taken the place of actual thinking.
I also did not anticipate feeling like my own gravitational field when sitting in the sofa.
I'm 26 weeks today.

Anything else to add?

did anyone else get a furry tummy??!! literally i sprouted all this downy hair all over my bump! DH eventually stopped being too polite to mention it and i had no answer for his questions! i am normal?

Caked colostrum.

This is all so true!
3rd pregnancy, 37 weeks. Feel so much more 'pregnant' this time round!
Anyway, I see your blocked nose, restless legs and constipation, and raise you....
Horrid uncomfortable swollen vulva.
The joy!

20 weeks ago I was at spin class, Kettlercise and insantity.

Now the thought of walking to the kitchen destroys me!!

Swollen vulva !!! Yes and not for any good reason either......seriously crap veins that bulge out of it

Boak

I've just been up to the studio, and have checked my nipples against the Farrow and Ball paint chart.

A mixture of Book Room Red and Porphyry Pink, with a hint of Dead Salmon .

Standing up out of bed and feeling like my entire fanjo will drop out onto the floor.

Huge, veiny boobs with comedy nipples

Working up the courage to ask DH to prune my seventies porno bush because I can no longer reach

Yes yes yes to the constantly erect nipples, and add if I get cold it feels like 50,000 volts passing through them, which is everything I go outside in flipping January!
I see your hairy belly and raise you hairy toes, who the hell ordered those!

Ohfourfoxache and any other tricklers.
Someone passed this little gem of advice to me when I was last upduffed.
Make sure you're comfy while sitting on the loo
I found legs apart abit was better.
When the first trickles of wee start coming - rock backwards and forwards so that you're kind of squishing your bump downwards a little. Keep rocking and you'll get more wee to come out if it's still in there.
It may not be a totally satisfying huge big wee but it works, have a go.

Choking due to swallowing the wrong way a lot
Sternum pain (just between ribs and bump)
Constipation, every poo feels like a cause for celebration
Dry eyes

And I'm only 28 weeks...

The weirdest one for me was sinus problems. In the weeks running up to my daughters birth I was in sheer agony. The pain would radiate down into my two front teeth and would keep me awake every night. Can't remember if I had it with my son. Thankfully it disappeared after she was born....

Just a big disco -glad I am not alone with the simultaneously vomiting and wetting myself!

I seem to have had a lot of coughs and colds recently, which is awkward as every cough and sneeze carries a high risk of:
A) wetting myself
B) farting
C) pulling a muscle in my stomach and
D) in the case of coughing, vomiting.
Some weird ones I remember from last time which I am hoping don't reappear are leg cramps in the night and really bad hairy sideburns!

Yup sneeze and wee situation here recently

Farts and either rush to the loo runs or constipation.
Sneezing all the time!

I had the Vomit & Wee situation for 3 weeks while I had pneumonia , I didn't always make it to the bathroom on time thanks to SPD

It's safe to say if Dp didn't love me after the vomiting/weeing he would of run a mile cos I bloody would of

I had horrendous ear problems...hospital every week for 2nd and most of third trimester to get them cleaned out
The SNORING. Thought I might have ended up with a divorce! And the snotty/crusty nose! Yum :-)

Loving this thread! 24.5wks and all of the above! Nobody tells you about the burger nipples, waking with a mouth like the Sahara, bogeys galore & absolutely no control over your bodily functions

Pain and cramps in the wrists, like carpal tunnel. Top tip: those metal (copper?) bracelets don't cute anything, they're pants.

Re the piles, apparently they can be shoved back in on the NHS but only after one is certain one will never give birth again.

Funny story about the piles--we for that whole 'do you want to look in the mirror' thing during childbirth and whatever, sure, go for it. My husband caught a glimpse and only admitted weeks later that he thought my piles were the baby's head.

Oh, and all that great head of hair everyone has? Post-birth it comes out in droves. I could have knitted the Aids quilt with the amount of hair I shed.

Stubborn
*The nipples! I'm 28 weeks and you can hang a suit of armour off them!!! They're constantly erect and the colour on the dulux paint chart is "aubergine"

Madame Swish, please! Do try to remember you're on Mumsnet. What does that translate to in Farrow & Ball? *

What was I thinking? Must be the sleep deprivation sending me into the world of Homebase.
Farrow & Ball colour chart, is "organic heritage aubergine"

Whatever, my tits are now a source of (non sexual) fascination to the DH.

22 weeks. Constipation (I'm kind of convinced you can't shit in pregnancy to prepare you for pushing for birth), hairy belly, wooziness walking to work (why do I keep forgetting I can't walk fast enough?), oh and boobs so itchy I think I might start wearing scratch mitts for bed.

Oh and you know that new Compare the Market ad, where baby meerkat decides to stay in Africa? Cried at that the other night. Yep, full on crazy.

Oh! And so much snot. Jesus Christ.

Livy you forgot to mention enormous haemorroids! DS has this fruit basket from Ikea. I can no longer look at the grapes without seeing my postnatal arse.

17 weeks and really sore itchy boobs 24.7 driving me crazy!