The CRESH spa and creche: we ALL deserve crap ham

[FannyPriceless]

Enter all ye ESHes. We've been Barren, we've been Pregnant - now at last we are Child-Rearing.

• Come share your questionable tips on raising a real live baybee!
• Compete with Cunty to take control of the bad mummy crown!
• Eat crap ham - after all, you deserve it!

K she is calling me today. Hoping she is binning me! Last time she was of I got a text asking to come back.... Instead she is keen to call! Thus leading me to believe she wants to tell me by phone. So fingers xd! If not I'll have to day thx but no thx. Would rather do it myself and half kill myself than have someone around for a few weeks who then goes AWOL for the same amount of time. It would also seem that her riding left a lot to be desired. I knew she was novicey but confident. However some of the things she let him get away with are not on.

I'm with you lot on the "he'll do it when he's ready" theory. Why rush him. Gonna be hell once he does start moving and I can picture it now: crawling hyper child as Daddy announces he's off to work and leaves the house and he doesn't think twice about us til he gets home by which time MB has been wrestled into bed and I'm knackered.

Today is mainly cleaning and tidying. Will get out later to walk dawg. However the house is a shambles and not one room is decent. I started to clean the bathroom yday however MB woke up from an unexpected nap and so I've still got the floor to wash. It is normal that these things should take two days minimum once you have kids?

silv If it's any consolation at all, since Bear has been mobile his sleeping has improved tenfold as he knackers himself up racing around. :)

I do not ever want a sharer - when I get diffed again nag is being shipped off to mother, who is mad and imperfect - but at least I know to which degree.

Cleaning? Once MB is mobile, put him in jersey/fleece trousers and he will clean the floor himself! I don't find any difference with housework because I've never been interested militant about it. Wipes (kitchen/bathroom/glass/whatevah) are your friend. Most things can be sprayed & wiped 20 minutes later. Downstairs hoovering is JB's thing, I do upstairs.

I'm having a very quiet day at "work" so am going to head up the stables in an hour - very envious of your dawn hack yesterday silv - I should've done the same but the thought didn't occur to me.

Yo Craphammers!

Agree with all of above (or below if you have flipped) re baby moving. Clint hated tummy time until one day a lightbulb went on over his head and the possibilities were revealed. Now he is dragging himself forward (fingers, elbows, toes) and rolling fast. Do not wish this upon self, nappy changes are hand to bum hand combat. Clint will occasionally stop for a song, so I have the duration of said song to change, clean, and clear all dirty nappies and wipes edibles away. I am now expert at singing slowly or choosing long songs (There were 20 in the bed and the little one said...etc).

Clint has a tooth! And I have nice hair (today). Sun is shining, hooray!

Hurrah and hello VAG! Fab day to have fab hair AND a toof! Was he grumbly with it?

Alp I went out early Weds too. Was divine. I used to ride before work before MB and as HI was around and there is milk indoors I figured up and at 'em! Doing same tmw and Sunday. I'm home by 8 and the rest of the day is mine. A fellow livery does evening rugs and I take off in the morning. Job done. Tho suspect rugs maybe staying off now. I did try and rough him off eg wise but clearly he's too soft for that. I asked HI what we'd do with hoss with two sprogs and he said same as now. It's gonna be a rough ride laydees! Tho saying that another girl up there has two under two and an old boy and she manages. Tho she lives 5 mins away. I'm screwed in the snow as can't get there.

I've a mountain of clean laundry and dirty laundry. I hate putting it away!

meds cannot have the crown. Gimme! Because I have the worst 'made my baby bleed' story.

It was last week. Clyde had horrendous nappy rash, and I mean horrendous. Despite doing everything possible to make it go away it kept getting worse. So bad in fact that his scrotum started bleeding.

I was so glad MrP didn't have to deal with that one or he probably would have fainted. Good news is the rash has all gone away now. Was horrible teething. He finally has tooth number 8. I hate teething.

So anyway, I think that is definitely worthy of a retrospective crown award.

Clyde's vocabulary is now: Mama, Dada, his approximation of Bonnie, and... tickle. Yes, tickle.

I've beaten you to that one fanny (not that I wanted to) Squeaks kept bleeding every time I cleaned her bum the other week and was developing a fear of nappy changes.. It's still very rashy but much better. We've changed wipes, and always use metanium now. Sudacrem was making it worse. If this weather keeps up I'll be having her nappy-free and in the garden. But plastered in sun cream. (SFF missed a couple of spots on her face yesterday and they got quite red - I felt awful).

at tickle!

We have dada, and mama only comes out at times of distress - never joy

Wow at all the words!! We just have random shouting at cats.

Yesterday when I was getting him ready for bed, he grabbed his Willy and puuuuuuled making it about 4" long. I laughed my head off, Bear laughed and JB came running in with noooooo don't let him do that, he'll break it! Bleeding sacs cannot compare to a torn off Willy!

A month or so ago, artie was really into squealing. at the same time he also got in to the habit of grabbing his crotch. When the two co-incided, we had a lot of michael jackson impressions

The dishwasher is fixed!!!!

We have ga ga which I believe may have as much to do with hom's musical/ladyboy predilections than anything else. He is also doing a lot of willy grabbing, so like father like son there as well.

I just had to phone the health visitor because I read a bit of a book about toddlers which made me start fretting I was overfeeding him. He's like a house side although I'm on a diet and I'm always a bit judgey about chubsters when I'm on a diet...

Afternoon ladies! What a wonderful day today. Have copied Medee's idea and enjoyed a bit ofgarden nudity on a blanket - the baby's not mine, I hasten to add...we do live in a terraced house and the neighbours have scaffolding up at the mo...only bit of exposure I'm up for goes into baby's gob as fast as possible.

On which subject, my child seems to have decided my mammaries make marvelous teething rings. Once in awhile instead of sucking he decides to have a good old chomp. Thank goodness there aren't any teeth there yet. Dread to think what that'll feel like when he does.

That's great news on dishwasher Cosmo - and that it was fixable and not a replacement job.

I fed my child crap ham today (well, it was the C-op's nicer version but I suspect not quite up to the FP household's requirements). Popular move both with him and the cat hovering underneath for any droppings. In future, I may have to only feed the baby things the cat likes...reduce the cleaning, save on cat food. It's a win win way I look at it.

Why does the phone call you have been sat next to the phone for always come when you have nipped to the loo???!

A headhunter rang me yesterday and said he?d ring back this lunchtime?.

light artie does the teething ring thing too.

TT's first word was big horse's name. Howsat for a Pony Club mum hole in one? Saved us the inevitable 'she said mama/dada first' arguments.

No bleeding babies here, although TT is sporting a nice bruise over her eye due to overenthusiastic use of her father's swivel chair.

LG isn't crawling yet, and I am so looking forward to him crawling. He's in that clingy don't-leave-the-room-mummy stage, and I remember with TT everyone was much happier once she was mobile. Except for the days she fell down a step, of course. LG is very lazy compared to TT at the same age. She crawled at just over 7 months, and LG is 9 months now and not putting much effort into it yet.

Bloody bastard council man strimming outside MBs window and woke him up. Fucker.

As you were.

Are you going to point out his obvious mistake to him?

I was glaring at some 4 year olds playing in the park this afternoon as they insisted on shouting right next to the sleeping Squib's pushchair whilst I relaxed in the sun. Don't these people know to keep the noise down during during our children's naptime?

Hello, I would like to reassure Medee that I too have made the baby bleed when trimming fingernails, so I have not been unfairly maligned. But I treated myself to some excellent prosciutto at Borough Market anyway.

No point CU as the idiot had on ear defenders.

muse how dare you buy quality ham? You realise you are playing a dangerous game here!

Quality ham does not counteract making a baybee bleed.

Snuck off work for a hack, she's like Pegasus right now!

hello ladies of the processed cold meat club (how the fuck did this all start pleeze?). I too have made a small being bleed from the finger whilst attempting to cut nails asleep. He woke screaming! This is now quite a long time ago and he thinks its quite interesting when I do it nowadays.

Today he went to the city zoo with our nanny. came back with a slightly burnt cheek as well. Hmmm. He will live no doubt, says the woman who used to have sunbeds thrice weekly as a twenty something old. Bit gutted I missed that first, but very happy he had such a nice time whilst I toiled. He absolutely LOVED the bunnies bless him. I have to leave him for 3 days whilst I go off for work next week to get next one finished. First time I have ever left him overnight and feel weepy just thinking about it. Mr Moo is shitting himself...

Crawling is def going to happen soon I reckon in this hoose. He does this very frustrated grunt and does the plank and then pulls forward or back. He hasn't quite worked out that putting his knees down and exerting the same force will result in success.

Anyhoo bon Friday night. I am home alone and on the wine AGAIN.

Howdy from the norf. I am on me holidays at the 'rents and it is nice having 2 more pairs of hands for a few days. Fairly hideous 7 hour journey up here due to having to stop at every single service station (I kid you not) as "wee wee coming mummy". I am not doing that journey again - we will stay here until mini oke can go longer than 30 minutes without wanting a piss. We have been to the seaside today and yesterday which was very successful - mini oke happy as a pig in shit (not literally) and Peppa enjoyed her first chips from the chippy (is that as bad as feeding a 6 month old a Big Mac?!)

We had blood today too, mini oke fell out the back door and smashed his nose on the step - blood everywhere. Was slightly pissed off that he bled all over his one remaining short sleved t shirt and I had to pop to shop en route to beach to get more but I managed to whip off my white shorts before he made me look like something from a horror film on them

Cos sorry you are having a shite time. I do blame the teef. Once he is a bit more settled things will begin to look up. I totally hear you on the work thing and getting home and having no time. I found my one day off a week was like Christmas day every week. Hope things are looking a bit better for you now.

honey I am also home and on the Friday night wine. Plus a very stinky brie that came home with me from work today as a customer had noticed a small hole in the plastic wrap.

okes Clyde has had chip shop chips for months. Practically his first finger food.

honey You have to read this thread to see the origin of the crap ham insult. (See post 7 May at 17:22). I was stupid enough to expose myself to the Mumsnet judgeypants brigade.

Fanny that is bloody hilarious. Dare I say I actually like crap ham? We used to get that luncheon meat when I was a kid which was bright pink and had barely even sniffed a pig. Cjd anyone?

I also like fish paste from those little jars.