The CRESH spa and creche: we ALL deserve crap ham

[FannyPriceless]

Enter all ye ESHes. We've been Barren, we've been Pregnant - now at last we are Child-Rearing.

• Come share your questionable tips on raising a real live baybee!
• Compete with Cunty to take control of the bad mummy crown!
• Eat crap ham - after all, you deserve it!

Honeymoo I was just thinking last night I must make more effort with baby related activities, although like Box said, more for my sanity than for baby's benefit - it seems like there's a lot more on once the the wee ones become more mobile around here, other than a baby bounce thingie at the library that I sometimes go to. So far I've not made much of an effort to hang out with other mums other than the friends I already have who have kids. I have been contemplating baby signing classes as we're planning on bringing ours up bilingual which I think mean's a late start on speech...would be nice to have some means of communication in the meanwhile. Waste of time? Has anyone tried it?

We are completely rubbish at the self settling thing here - all naps happen in the pushchair during the day, and any time I've ever attempted to leave the Squib to cry it out he just winds himself up into a lather, which means one of us ends up holding him until he conks out. Doing that all wrong, aren't I? Oh well...I figure we won't be doing that by the time he's 16...

What languages will LittleLight speak? I plan to do signing, just as an aid to communication.

EA is sleeping just now, we were playing outside and she started to get cranky and drowsy, so I put brought her in and put her in her Moses basket, and after a few goes of soothing her, she has dropped off. Might be a fluke of course...

His dad's first language is French (he's Belgian), so he speaks to him in that, so English and French (though I expect the French will be the weaker language...as he's growing up here and has me all day) I've heard mixed reviews about the signing thing - whether it means they end up speaking later than they would otherwise, so I dunno.

I tried putting a sleepy baby in his cot once for his afternoon nap when he looked sleepy, but as soon as he saw where he was he was wide awake and protesting...took my self to the other end of the garden to try and resist going in in case that would work, but could still the screaming from there and eventually gave up. PUPD doesn't seem to work round here either.

I've heard from other mothers complaining that they are trapped in the house because their child will only nap in bed, so I figure I'll just stick with what works for us for now - once he's asleep, I can park the pushchair in the hallway and get on with other things...

I figure the signing might mean less frustration as they can communicate earlier. I haven't done much research into it yet though.

I started babling to EA in French yesterday (I am not a native speaker, haven't studied it since school) when introducing her to Sophie la Girafe - might have confused the poor wee toot!

Cossie - only you know but yes I agree, if he's in pain that would be horrible and wouldn't leave him. God, I PRAY the next teeth are as easy as the first two!

We do swimming (about to restart next week) since he was 8 weeks but basically missed a full term due to the bloody work situ. Anyway have decided if we do nothing else we are doing that! I will also try the toddler group round the corner once he is sitting up a bit more reliably. we went before but it was a bit old for him, although he loved watching the other kids. Today he is off with the nanny and 2 other kids and their dog. More interesting than sitting here looking at me and the same toys and books I reckon! He was practically singing when I put him in the car with her!

Cocked up the cooking last night too - I don't know what the matter with me is - I used to be a decent cook and now I seem to either can be arsed or get it wrong. I was doing slow cooked lamb but it wasn't finished by the time we went to bed and then worrie dI might set the house alight. Was a total solidified mass by morning. What a waste.

How lovely to speak 2 languages! I know a friend whose boy is totally fluent in both. No idea bout the signing though.

Yes, it?s not the normal I don?t want to go to bed on my own screaming, it?s proper upset sobbing, and he?s trying so hard to be cheerful :(

hello one and all! :) We've had a lovely day at the zoo - we got very excited when the silverback came within 6' of us and also when the giraffes came within 4'! Lovely, lovely day - but now I know where all the fat Dutch people go for a day out...

lighter Where is your husband from? I lived in Belgium for years and most recently lived in the Les Cantons de L'Est which will make him screw up his nose and go "wtf? nobody lives there". My son will be bilingual, possibly trilingual (4 if you count glaswegian ). He is already in a Dutch creche and will attend the local school, we speak English at home but German is widely spoken here too. I always ask that people speak to him in their mothertongue - no matter what it is. No plans to sign.

Our very own cossie was a bilingual child.

Happy anniversay cossie! I'm sending mind-vibes to Artie to make him sleep and give you a night off.

I was, but not from birth so I don?t know much about it impact on speech development, although I do believe it can delay the start of speech. From that pov, signing is a good idea, I would love to have done it but can?t find any weekend classes and obv can?t do weekdays any more. My friend is bringing her DS up bilingual, she is German ? he?s only 10m though so no speech yet.

Well, I just asked him Alps and he's apparently never heard of it...but then he's not actually lived in Belgium for 15 years or something so his local knowledge is a tad rusty. His family's from the Wavre/Louvain la Neuve area - bit boondocky. We're lucky that there's a French school opening up really close to us here in London to compensate for the somewhat rusty nature of Dad's French...when we visit Belgium the locals think he's Canadian ! You see these kids on the Eurostar flicking between multiple languages and it makes me so jealous...I can get by in a few languages but I'll never be bilingual - let alone trilingual!

God, this teething lark sounds like fun...and we're only at the drooling stage..When does it end? 2?

We are still in the throes of diarrhea for the 3rd day now...up 3 times last night, once for major nappy explosion, and the other 2 times I think it was just stomach cramps, so ended up just cuddling the wee one to sleep for 45 mins. Hope it clears up soon...

Well my team leaders DD is 2 and she is getting her back teeth atm and he says it?s awful. Oh joy.

we're just back from a lovely day out too.

i have done some signing, by buying the Babysign online course. Never stuck to it though. i just add a few signs in where it matters. i use milk and food everyday. And poo!

No bilingualness here, but i will be throwing in French a la Medee and she might be mixing with Spanish children now and then.

Absolutely fabulous day here. Had some nappy free time in the garden, then super hot walk in the sun to bumps & babies. Had to strip her when we got home for fear of overheating.

TT can ask in fluent spanish for chocolate. She can't say anything else though.

Cluck and I went for a ride together today. Twas lovely. We put the babies in a drawer. They were fine.

That's what drawers are for, right?

Just when all things at home are going well and life's good HI goes and makes a dumbass remark. Grrrrr. Apparently MB needs to be crawling and I need to put him on his tummy more. Grrrr. MB hates being bring on his tum when he puts himself there so you can imagine what it's like if I put him on his tum. I said to HI that he will crawl when he's ready and it doesnt matter when that happens, tho pref before he's 18! Let's not forget it's me who will be chasing small child round once he's on the move! Why are men such pricks?

Given the quality of "care" given by our assorted men, a drawer is quite often the safest place!

silv Bear hated being on his tummy. The health visitor used to say to me "you need to put him on his tummy 5 minutes a day so he can practice" - in the end I just nodded and said 'yes, yes, yes". The minute Bear was ready he did it himself and was smiley with it - not furious and upset! I've never forced him to do anything, he will leap at everything when he is ready. HI clearly needs a kick in the man-cunt.

lighter That's not boondocks, that's positively bubbling metropolis compared to where I was! (Malmedy region)

Speaking of "care" - I was in the kitchen last night and heard a massive "thunk" followed by a scream. Returned to find baybee's mouth pouring with blood, JB also covered. Only an accident obviously but ffs, I have never made the baybee bleed!

I have, cutting her nails the other evening - I was not popular.

haha I forgot all about making him bleed by cutting nails. OK, what I meant was "I have yet to drop the baybee and make it bleed" or "I have never made the baybee bleed from its face". There, that should do it.

muser nails definitely get easier to do as fingers & toes get bigger and you get less tired and so your eyes are able to focus!

agree with nails getting easier, Artie is positively co-operative now.

silv Hi is being a tit. he doesn't "need" to be crawling till he's ready. Artie is just a fat lump, he pulls himself up to stand just about, but no crawling, no walking, nothing.

We've all done it Muse - BC was born with extraordinarily long nails so once we were out of the pool & snuggled up on the sofa I got out the clippers and chopped off the end of his thumb

Is a bit alarming the first time you see PFB bleed - s'pect it JB a bit of a shock, non?

Ride was lovely but had planned on schooling so was in the dressage saddle - legs haven't been stretched for that long in a while.

LC never had any tummy time Silv. Hated it. She crawled at 9 months which is about normal I think. Sharer text sounds ominous but don't suppose you'll miss her with all the absences. When you meeting her???

Gave. S'pect it gave. Gah!

Kate It's actually the second time Bear's bled on JB's watch. First time the baybee "allegedly" fell face first on his cookie-jar (of which there are shapes inside) - I suspect this is all an elaborate story.

I was in charge the only time Squeaks bled from her face

HI is being an arse silv. Baby's do what they do when they are ready. My girl is still trying to walk, by letting go and throwing herself fowards, but I don't hold out much hope of her walking this month - might help if she could just stand up without holding on first!

She chewed the side of a goat's pen yesterday

Muse's good name is being slandered here, it's me who made my baby bleed.

Oh medee, very honest of you - you should've let that one slip under the radar and let muser take the blame! Crap ham and Bad Mummy Crown for you today. Muser deserves one solitary slice of Wiltshire ham (Wiltshire used to be good when I was in the UK and worked in a deli a million years ago, these days is probably mechanically-recovered crap ham).