The CRESH spa and creche: we ALL deserve crap ham

[FannyPriceless]

Enter all ye ESHes. We've been Barren, we've been Pregnant - now at last we are Child-Rearing.

• Come share your questionable tips on raising a real live baybee!
• Compete with Cunty to take control of the bad mummy crown!
• Eat crap ham - after all, you deserve it!

polly The new house sounds lovely and with your MIL's expertise and "freebies" it's going to look gorgeous and different to everyone else's! :) 2 staircases? Um... you do realise you're going to spend the next 5 years chasing the booboos around and around the house Benny Hill style right? It's very "Famous Five" - although there are three (dog incl. obviously) - they'll be flashing torches out of attic windows and bringing down teams of pirates and smugglers before summer's up! How's TG's packing going?

As for AD's - I'd have a chat with the doctor - because they usually take about 10 days to get out of your system... with all the extra emotional stress involved with moving might not be the best time to "crash". :( My lovely friend here who had 3 mc's and finally had her daughter last month has been "told" by HV she's not allowed to drive with her baybee in the car - I think they think she's going to wrap it around a lampost. :(

Woooh for Artie!

I concur with alps re the ADs, it's generally not a good idea to go cold turkey on them.

Phone the doc please pols. They might say it's ok if you've not had them for a week. I missed one day and ended up back with horrible night sweats etc this week. Doesn't help that Squeaks was up half the night screaming - think it's the teeth again.

Sorry EA didn't get the message medee. Glad Artie did, cos.

And yes, alps that all sounds about right! Hope your day improves.

fanny hurray to the house! we're coming south this weekend. no idea what our actual plans are, but if I can escape are you free for a quick drink/chat/grope?

I wanna come and eat pig!

You are right . I will ring the doc.

Alps TG is sat on his arse watching day time tv. grrrr

Casp well if you would prefer to go to some wedding...

"knowledge of ESH"? Naaah polly, it's more because we are life long supporters of Pfeifer industries!

I knew he'd be snarking at you whilst doing something "terribly important" such as writing, surfing, watching TV or making a huge fucking mess in the kitchen.

alps my toddler advice, fwiw, is always pop them in their cot with a few distraction toys or a bottle of juice or some ham for the time it take to do all your important stuff. It's noisy, but successful.

cos isn't it weird how the sleeping just clicks into place. Rastus did it from day 1 of being in his own room a month ago and I am still waiting for it to all go tits up. I'm ignoring the fact that, when I go to work and Hom sorts him out, he sleeps till Hom gets him up, whereas on my day off e.g. today, he's awake at 6

I was just saying to cossie actually that I've stopped setting the alarm clock. Should a miracle happen and Bear sleep through until 9 then I'll take the shtick I get from work. Ha!

Couldn't pop him in the cot as jb in bed. Have found that his destructiveness is limited by popping him in the walker...

pols I luff two staircases. We had this in the Olde House overlooking the Cistercian ruins (soooo Famous Five). When Lady X showed us around* she expressed her great annoyance that the original staircase had to stay in place because of the pesky Grade I listing thingy. So it had cupboard doors at each end and was very truly a 'secret' staircase. We had great fun challenging friends' kids to find it when they visited.

• when I say 'showed us around' it was more like 'ascertain whether we were suitable tenants'. We knew we were in when discussing our jobs and she said to MrP 'Oh so you're a don'.!! In the interests of securing the house we had to hold back our splutters of laughter until later.

ADs: every time I miss a day I end up with headaches and sweats.

[[http://www.marieclaire.co.uk/news/health/527100/hollywood-diet-sees-baby-food-sales-soar.html boak]

oops here

Any woman who follows that is a fucking nob. 14 times a day at 150 calories? Why not just have a tub of Ben & Jerry's and look like an emotionally-stunted modern young woman a la Bridget Jones rather than a Lady Ga Ga following thoughtless clone? That heinz porridge is sweet (to my scottish porridge-loving tastes) - why not just the fuck go out and buy some oats for 30p a packet rather than a jar for 70p. Worra bunch of wankers. Some people just deserve bad ham. :(

Alps I know what you mean. I popped to the loo at the doctors this week only to be told by one of the punters in the waiting room I had a length of toilet paper hanging down my leg. Mortified I was. I am always in such a rush to get ready and I rarely check what the end result is it is only a matter of time until I walk down the street with me baps ooot or summat.

okie A night out with the girls and that's a given surely? How are you anyway? Seems like forevah since you've been here, and I for one have been pining.

Anyway, given the way the "big boss" tore in to me this morning it was a total waste of time putting the make-up on, I'd have ended up with the same deathly palour anyway.

Alps I read that as 'the big toss'. More appropriate perhaps?

God I am exhausted. I always used to love moving house, but maybe that was because I only ever moved my own stuff before. So far I have done three quarters of the lounge, maybe a third of the kitchen, and the airing cupboard. TG has done half of the utility room. Admittedly that room also doubles as office and library (i.e. shit pit) but even so... I got back from my chiro appt at lunchtime to find him sat on his arse watching Dr Fucking Who. I was not impressed and told him so and then he whined about how he'd only just sat down for lunch and blah blah blah.

And now he has gone out for the night! FFS. I know it was arranged before we knew we were moving but I thought he might have postponed.... I should really do some more packing tonight but he has left the kitchen in a tip. I can't be arsed to cook so will mainly be eating kettle chips and creme eggs tonight, washed down with some cider I think. My bed is calling already.

So what is everyone doing this bank holiday? I are mostly packing. Ho hum.

I've just seen an Aldi advert that made me chuckle.... some old woman going on about buying tea for her husband. Eventually she says 'I don't like tea...... I like gin'. Bet she likes crap ham too.

poor pol
we are off to the Ils for one night, but as he is working Monday, I shall mostly be at home alone. Well, with Squeaks. hope TG is more helpful over the weekend.

I'm fine really curls. We have the keys for next door so we are just moving stuff bit by bit. My parents are coming down tomorrow to help out and I am getting rid of TG and the girls on Sunday. I fully expect to have the entire house packed by the time he gets back on Sunday night.

Has Squeaks done any more walking? BB is practising rolling over onto her tum all the time - today she even tried mid feed. Wriggly madam. She has found her voice too and is Very Loud. I love it!

And will you be getting drunk and attempting the sechs again at the ILs Curls?

Is it time for bed yet?

Christ you've got a good memory. I had managed to block out the sechs experience! (not that I remember much of it)

Squeaks, AFAIC, has not been walking at all. I have yet to see evidence. However there has been a fair bit of standing up for a few seconds at a time, unaided, then falling flat on her nappy-cushioned arse! Go rolly BB!

Yes, it is bedtime. However, SFF has just called up the King's Speech, so I must watch.

Happy packing Pols - the new place sounds fabuloso. Am ver jealous of the Rayburn.....I once shared a house with an Aga, amongst other people, and luffed it.

This Bank Holiday we will mostly be with the in-laws - oh joy . SIL has yet to meet the boy and won't travel up the motorway with her two kids (1 & 3) just in case something happens so we have to travel to her. You can probably guess my opinion on this . So, the olds are treating us to a carvery tomorrow....anyone here like carveries??....thought not.

Am hoping to ride the hoss (for the first time in 3 weeks) and am off to view a trailer tomorrow.

Sounds like Squeaks is doing an Andy from Little Britain Curls - check for wear in her socks.

Remember how I moaned that I couldn't use the Xbox to watch DVD's as I couldnt' work out how to use the control pad? Bear has worked out to turn it on and delete daddy's saved games.

Hope you get a lovely ride Kate - I'm going out with a couple of friends this afternoon which will be my first hack in a fortnight and first with the bitless bridle - although I did take her out bitless about 5 years ago and it was fine.

Your SIL sounds like she needs a kick in the cunt (ask polls).

So this is where you've all been hiding. I have nothing to report, except finally last night I got a 6 hour stretch of sleep. Hooray for electric vaporisers and babies who can breathe.

Well done that Bear! Are you sure it wasn't you Alps? Oh yes, I am always up for a bit of SIl cunt kicking. Having said that, I spent 3 whole days sharing a cottage with her last weekend at a family wedding, and actually it was fine! TG balled her out for her inability to control her own child, I just opened another bottle of wine. Worked a treat.

Yay for sleep Muse! We too have been suffering with baybee that can't can't breathe. Lovely nephew infected us all with the most hideous cold last weekend. Joyous.