I am trying to believe in God...but I am failing!

[AlwaysMeanWellOftenWrong]

I have started to go to church with my two children.

I am trying to open my mind and my heart and to let myself believe, but I can't.

I believe in the Christian way of life and I want to learn more about how to live as God wishes. I understand that God makes his feelings known to us through the Bible.

So, I read the first few lines of the Bible. After watching Stephen Hawking's talk about the Big Bang and other science programs that are on the telly at the moment - I am really struggling to accept it as God's word - literally anyway.

How can I get past this and get close to God, feel his love and truly believe?

I feel like such a hypocrite. Luckily, I know that God will forgive me if he does in fact exist, for I am truly sorry that I am so human that I don't believe.

when I read your posts OP, it reminded me of a quote from the Bible: God was in this place, and I, I did not know.

I feel you are already very spiritual and I would imagine very close to God. If you struggle with the concept of God, are you comfortable with Jesus?

I would not read the Bible from Genesis through to Revelation peronsally atm but maybe a Life of Christ. I expect you know well enough the story but perhaps an author who has lived a very spiritual life would give the kind of insight and understanding of Jewish life at that time which would bring it alive for you and make Jesus accessible for you?

This is a nice little book IMO which you can buy second-hand for next to nothing on Ebay/Amazon, anywhere like that.
J. Paterson-Smyth: A People's Life of Christ (originally published 1928, reprinted many times). I like the author, he is humble, very well-read and thoughtful.

In reality it is difficult to understand and make sense of something written so long ago by people you don't necessarily connect with. However, it is fact that Jesus did live. He was crucified. The impact that this man has had on billions of people around the world proves one thing if nothing else - He was special! I believe that his core message of Love & forgiveness are what we are to focus on, making sense of the Old/New Testament right now might not be what you should be focusing your mind on? xx