I am trying to believe in God...but I am failing!

[AlwaysMeanWellOftenWrong]

I have started to go to church with my two children.

I am trying to open my mind and my heart and to let myself believe, but I can't.

I believe in the Christian way of life and I want to learn more about how to live as God wishes. I understand that God makes his feelings known to us through the Bible.

So, I read the first few lines of the Bible. After watching Stephen Hawking's talk about the Big Bang and other science programs that are on the telly at the moment - I am really struggling to accept it as God's word - literally anyway.

How can I get past this and get close to God, feel his love and truly believe?

I feel like such a hypocrite. Luckily, I know that God will forgive me if he does in fact exist, for I am truly sorry that I am so human that I don't believe.

Because I feel that the things I was taught in school and church growing up have helped to mould me into the person I am today. In a good way. And I enjoyed praying, to someone.

I don't think you can go backwards like that really. Maybe try praying and asking for something new.

I went to Catholic school with an entirely un religious background (my Dad reckons he was raised as Methodist but meh!) and I tried so hard to believe what my friends did - went to Mass every Thursday. I never could convince myself and am now glad I didn't.

What is it that you feel you would like to regain from that faith? Surely it is a case of what you felt that gave you rather than the belief system itself? Was it reassurring, guiding, comforting, what? What's happened to make you feel like it is suddenly missing after all this time, apart from the school thing which I suspect isn't the whole picture is it?

Always - I think losing an 'absolute' faith (if I understand correctly what you mean by that) is an important part of the journey of faith. Although I have always believed in God I too have thankfully discarded the rigid absolutism that characterised my younger years of belief. You don't have to (and most likely shouldn't) return to what you had when you were 14. I mean, what other 14-year-old attitudes and beliefs do you still cling on to today? I'm hoping you'll say 'none'!

But you can instead explore a range of ideas and stories about faith and see where that takes you.

To long for absolute faith? I don't get that, sorry.

My DH, who can be more scathing of the religious than SGB , says that only people who are too scared to take responsibility for their own lives would want to live like that, and I would have to agree with him. I won't post any of his more colourful opinions!!

Far more of an adventure when you know that it's all up to you and you have to figure it out yourself IMO!!!

Custy - you'd have to do a semi-conversion, since Judaism goes through the mothers, sorry! You would get a few clubcard points though!

Is there anyone in your church that you can talk this thru' with?

No, I will probably never again believe as my mind is filled with an almost over whelming sense that God does not exist.

I will live as a Christian (ie. the values), and go to Church for guidance. I will know then what my children are being taught at school and will support my children to decide for themselves if they believe and want to be a Christian.

How about you just live as a decent human being, knowing you are being the best person you can, for no other reason than that it's the right thing to do?

Sorry, those of us from other religions (even agnostic ones) get a little testy about phrases like 'live a Christian life', as if Christians have a monopoly on moral fibre!

hobbgoblin - it is the school thing that took me back to church and it is going to church and realising I don't actually believe there is a God that is making me want my old faith back!

I did not expect anyone on here to understand something I do not understand myself! Thanks for talking it through with me though.

I cross posted with you.

So, now you have come to this conclusion that you cannot return to that 'absolute' belief but still feel lacking, what might bridge the gap between your sense of morality and the belief in it?

Given your mn name, would a strong dose of self esteem help d'you reckon? :)

moral fibre

Hi, Custy! How was Saturday?

Annie - like most people, I am only in tune with religion I have been exposed to - I am not saying following another religion is wrong or that being a Christian is better. I don't want to search out another religion that I find easier to believe in. I do just want to live as a decent human being - but I feel that church offers some (well needed) guidance, but I just wish I didn't feel like such a hypocrite going and not actually believing!

You would be more of a hypocrite forcing yourself to believe something which you know not to be true.

hobbgoblin - I like your theory - I am trying to be less self assured and the nick name is actually a double bluff! I do always mean well, but, I actually often think I am right when I am wrong - but I know that I am often wrong when I think I am right! (That even confuses me so forget I tried to explain that!!!!)

No, I don't need faith. I just want it. I want to trust that there is a God, pray to him, worship him and follow his word, have my sins forgiven and try to be as lovely as person as is humanly possible in between all my sinning!

FWIW I think you are being unnecessarily hard on yourself.

Well, I'm always pleased when a Christian can admit that they are only one by default, so kudos to you there!

Not trying to convert you (we Jews don't do that, we make it as hard as possible for newbies to join!), but pointing out your comment might be a little un-PC!

I hope you find some kind of answer, because you're obviously longing for something. But I should think, if you listen to that voice inside yourself that some call conscience, and some call god, that you know the right thing to do 99% of the time. What you might need is more faith in yourself, not in god.

Always - re the hypocrisy thing. As someone once said to me, it's not a question of being 'in or out' of the belief/ church club. It's more about whether you're moving towards God or away from God. So you'll find that some people in your church may believe, but at the same time they're moving away from God. I've heard of a church where about 1/3 of the congregation would call themselves unbelievers, but they like meeting up with the church and are open to exploring ideas, etc. With that in mind, does that make you feel a little less hypocritical?

Does your church do an Alpha course? It's a good way to ask a lot of questions and listen to other peoples questions to work out what you think / want to think etc. If nothing else, you will meet other people who feel like you, and you usually get a free dinner

Always - I have recently returned to church this year (after a significant gap of 10 years)and I have found myself questionning my faith more than I ever did before. I decided to go on the Alpha course - it's only week 3 for me but I'm finding it really refreshing to be able to discuss everything in a safe environment and to re-cap on all the Christian basics. You will find a thread on this topic regarding Alpha if you are interested.

Annie - sorry - can you just explain your comment about un-PC?

Toddlerama - the food is great!

I have never heard of Alpha - I will look it up thanks.

Like I said, some people blithely talk about living a Christian life, meaning a good moral life. And they mean it innocently enough.

But like I said, it can makes those of us from other religions feel the implication is that only Christians have a full set of morals.

Always - here's the current Alpha thread www.mumsnet.com/Talk/philosophy_religion_spirituality/1044611-Alpha-anyone-starting-the-course-this-Autumn. Hope that worked - not v good at pasting links!

I went to a catholic Primary, secondary and Sixth form. I was baptised, but never confirmed. I had an accident around the confirmation time and missed it, by the time it came around again I was sceptical.

Are you sure it's not the pomp and circumstance/ritual aspect of religion that you miss?

My parents had us all baptised etc and my 4 sisters are confirmed. I have 3 children and none of them are baptised, they go to a secular school. I do kind of miss the rich history that goes with a religious upbringing. The hours sat in a mouldy old church being slightly bored. The first confession, the hymns, the incense, the procession etc.

It's a nice tradition, but I simply don't believe. I'm not willing to lie about it and jump through hoops to get my dc into a slightly better school. If you don't believe you won't be stricken as soon as you enter church, just go for as long as you like and see how you feel.

My heathen children have never entered a church in their entire lives. I do kind of regret this and may take them to some christmas services this year against their will .

You can't make yourself believe in anything, you can be brainwashed though.

The ironic thing is neither of my parents' were religious, both were atheists/agnostic. They still chose to send 5 children to a Catholic school .