Friend tried to ditch helping me with sister's shower party?

[Livinthedream11]

I apologize, I made a confusing post because I was super emotional.
I am friends with two sisters A and B. A is my best friend, but I am also close with B.
B is getting married and I am only a wedding guest (this is already confirmed). I vented to my grandma and she was shocked I was not in the bridal party. She watched all of us grow up together and saw how close we were.
A is having a baby shower hosted at my parents place. The idea was for us to work together and get everything ready.
B is having her bach party the day before and she was asking what she could contribute and pay for. Asking if I would be in charge of the menu and stuff. She would come help 2 hours before the party. I was not invited to the party the day before the shower. I would have been working alone doing everything with B strolling in right before the party.
I love A and I am contributing quite a bit with decor and a dessert she likes. A even told me that her sister and SIL were in charge of planning everything.

But your entire tantrum about organising the baby shower is in fact all about your resentment at not being made a bridesmaid by B! You've rearranged the whole thing in your head as not being about you organising a small party for someone who you say is your closest friend in the world, A, but being an expression of your anger towards B!

Are you in the Uk OP? If you are, many supermarkets do sandwich platters, finger food and trays of desserts etc. then get a big cake, and you’re sorted.

I never threw a tantrum. Just told the sister she can bring everything....as originally agreed.

So why the endless internet posts and venting to your grandmother?

As A is your best friend, I assume you're fairly close to/ friends with most of the people attending the babyshower, is there any chance you can text a few that you are particularly close to and ask them to help?

In my opinion, you are wrong to be stressing so much. If the sister doesn’t turn up with food, order some. I think you’re making it so much more complicated than it needs to be. She said she’s coming two hours before so surely that’s plenty of time to arrange food if needed.

no problem at all x (sorry for not knowing ha)

I am not close with the people attending her baby shower.

You're in the wrong simply because as far as you know nobody is sorting out the food.

And rather than either order some, or tell A and let her arrange it, you are going to do nothing and let your apparent "best friend" have a shit baby shower.

Just because you're pissed off with her sister.

It's beyond ridiculous.

I would love to be a fly on the wall when this shitshow goes down

Cause its the way I cope....

I did tell A that she needed to bring the food

What did she say??

You said getting panda express would be normal, is that not takeaway? This is a UK website so your predicament seems completely bizarre to us. Here hardly anyone even has a baby shower and it’s not a big deal at all.

But what you’re ‘coping’ with is a non-event!

... and you're not coping

🤣🤣🤣

I think people are being tough on you here, OP.
These people (and B most of all) have landed you right in it and I don’t blame you for being pissed off about it.
So, you can hand it back to them and wash your hands of it OR, accept the situation as it now appears to be and step in to rescue it so your dear friend has a good shower.
Are you willing to do the latter? I think you said earlier that wanted to organise it properly. At the moment, people’s roles are confused and the danger is that it will be a shit show.
I think I would make my position clear - that the arrangement was for x, y and z but that B is now unable to offer enough help and that you are therefore prepared to do (whatever you are prepared to offer) but that you will need contributions (money??) for food and decorations from whoever.
Hope it works out. (Are you in the US?)

But you do know, she has told you and it’s not for another 2 weeks so plenty of time for A or B to make other plans for food. Or you to arrange a delivery, for your ‘best friend in the world’.

How do you cope with the curveballs of parenthood when something like this has got you in such a state? If you’re this salty over not being asked to be a bridesmaid (which seems to be the root of this), wait til you’re parent of a teen!

When did you tell her that?

Is the problem not solved then?

I will definitely be there for my friend and her baby shower. Im struggling so much with the decision beyond the baby shower.
On the one hand I would wash my hands completely of the bride, but she is super close to my best friend and I want to fight to keep our friendship.
On the other hand my bf will always take sides with her sister, that's just facts....Plus idk if bf was complicit in keeping the party secret and keeping me out of the bridal party. Now I do not even know if I can trust bf or will hurt me too.

To add I cannot even talk to A as this can cause a major blow up.

Does A know about the shower or is it a surprise?
Does A know about B’s party? Presumably yes.
B has still said they will sort food.

So, you say to A ‘really looking forward to the shower; just so you know I’m doing this this and this; B is sorting food if there is anything in particular you want there, is there anything else you want me to do?’

Then A knows that the expectation is on B for food. And if it doesn’t happen it’s on B.

As an aside, you are upset about the bridal party thing. It’s ok to be, but don’t pretend you are not. If you are honest with yourself it will help you deal with it and move forward.

Plus idk if bf was complicit in keeping the party secret and keeping me out of the bridal party. Now I do not even know if I can trust bf or will hurt me too.

(Italics my own)

Look at what you've written, @Livinthedream11 . You are absolutely 100% rock solid that you "should" have been in the bridal party. You talk like there's a conspiracy to exclude you from your rightful place at the top table, and that your best friend was complicit in keeping the hen party a secret.
This simply isn't true.

No one is "due" a place in the bridal party other than the bride. NO ONE. The bride can go solo. She can have 15 bridesmaids. She can arrive like The Virgin Mary on a donkey, but with jugglers and fire eaters if she wants. It's 100% down to what she feels like.

She certainly doesn't owe her sister's best friend a place.

Given how unbelievably over the top your reaction has been to not being a bridesmaid and not being invited to the hen party, I completely understand why they didn't tell you about it. You're the wannabe bridesmaid equivalent of a Bridezilla.

"I don't know if I can trust bf"

Listen to yourself. Your pregnant friend has done nothing wrong. She doesn't choose her sister's bridesmaids. If she even suggested you, she'd be overstepping because it isn't her wedding. It isn't your either.

Check in with A confirming you're looking forward to hosting the party at your mum's house, that you are on decorations and dessert, and you haven't heard from B and the SIL about the food but you trust they've got it all in hand.

That way, as @Nocameltoeleggingsplease and others have repeatedly said, A knows what's being done by you and what's not your responsibility.

Then get over all of B's wedding stuff and focus on celebrating your friend and her plans for her new baby.

I said I was hurt....I dont deny that.

How am I equivalent of a bridezilla? I have not interfered with any bridal plans nor have I said anything to anyone about how hurt I feel? Venting to family and posting online is not the bridesmaid equivalent of a bridezilla.