Friend tried to ditch helping me with sister's shower party?

[Livinthedream11]

I apologize, I made a confusing post because I was super emotional.
I am friends with two sisters A and B. A is my best friend, but I am also close with B.
B is getting married and I am only a wedding guest (this is already confirmed). I vented to my grandma and she was shocked I was not in the bridal party. She watched all of us grow up together and saw how close we were.
A is having a baby shower hosted at my parents place. The idea was for us to work together and get everything ready.
B is having her bach party the day before and she was asking what she could contribute and pay for. Asking if I would be in charge of the menu and stuff. She would come help 2 hours before the party. I was not invited to the party the day before the shower. I would have been working alone doing everything with B strolling in right before the party.
I love A and I am contributing quite a bit with decor and a dessert she likes. A even told me that her sister and SIL were in charge of planning everything.

We originally planned to set up the event together. I did not volunteer to be the sole planner for party. I am 5 months pp, working and taking care of my baby.
I may be jaded by the bridesmaid issue, but that gave clarity to the situation and I would have otherwise been in the dark about planning the shower by myself. I kept in regular contact with B about the shower and there was no mention about me doing everything or that I had to plan the food.

Ok so you need to phone her or message her and say "hey, we initially agreed you'd sort food. I do not have time to do it so please can you make sure it's ordered to arrive on time. Thanks"

The shower is not a surprise and they plan on going to church that next morning.

Yep I did that, I told her my other bf (separate from this group) wants to meet my baby and I dont have time.

So what did she say to that?
If she's basically refusing then I'd talk to A and explain what's happened and ask what she wants.
It's absolutely fine to let her know that you simply don't have the time to take on the extra work. But you need to let her know because she's going to end up with a shit party otherwise!

I keep shuffling that thought in my head. B mentioned a possible bach party to my mom. I happened to ask the same day (not knowing what she told my mom) and she pretended like she had no idea or plans. A was the one who told me about the bach after I suggested we should hang out the day before the shower and she told. B never said anything...if they weren't sisters and A wasnt a recent godparent to my baby, I would just burn that bridge between B and I.

My mom told me that's not my problem. Her sister put only her name on the invitation. I love A and so badly want to take over, but I am super hurt over the entire situation
I had family, friends and co workers throw me such amazing baby showers that I wanted to do that for A. One co worker stayed over late to.decorate for my shower. I also want to keep my dignity and not be treated like crap on someone's shoe. Im terrified about the outcome of this because B has not communicated anything up to this point other then saying cute when sent pics of decorations.

I did tell her I was busy, she has enough time to plan.

She was supposed to help plan the bulk of the party. A even said her sister and SIL were the ones behind planning the bulk of the shower.
A did not plan any of my baby showers nor was she able to attend (I had 3 and no Idid not ask for them) . My aunt planned one, a close family friend and my amazing co workers.

I still think you need to talk to A.

Otherwise the shower comes and there's no food or anything and she knows you knew and did nothing about it.

I'm not saying you should take over organising it, but I do think you need to let A know that there's a risk nothing is being done.

I am absolutely terrified and scared that her sister will do the bare minimum and I'll be held responsible. I dont want to ruin B bach party by saying something to A because then I look spiteful. This whole situation has been such a emotionally draining crap fest. I want to take over soooo bad because I see the outcome not being good, but my mom told me to let that be sisters problem.

Yeah i wouldn't even mention anything about the bach party or the wedding.

Just say that you had originally agreed this but B is now saying she can't do x,y and z. You are not going to be able to do it and you wanted to give her a heads up.

I am not saying anything about B's wedding. I even suggested the reception hall we got married for decent prices and amazing food. We dont gain anything from referring people. Idk if someone found me a great hall, I dont think I would have the heart to leave them especially if they are close.
I was thinking of a special gift for them, but now ill find some random home good

I am not saying anything about B's wedding. I even suggested the reception hall we got married for decent prices and amazing food. We dont gain anything from referring people. Idk if someone found me a great hall, I dont think I would have the heart to leave them especially if they are close.
My opinion and feelings have definitely been permanently tainted about this "friend" and will not be extending an invitation to use my parents house for any parties.

Can you tell A that “unfortunately B said she cannot help at all with the party and it’s too much for one person to do as I have other commitments too. So I’ll have to hand this back to you, to re-delegate, sorry. “

You are being daft because you've got the hump that you aren't part of B's bridal party.

Remind B she's in charge of food, suggest she rings M&S or something to order platters she can collect that morning. You're far too busy to do it. End of.

Then concentrate on making the room look lovely for your best friend, so age can have a party she enjoys.

Stop getting your knickers in a knot that your best friend's sister doesn't want you as a bridesmaid. Not everyone gets to get a bridesmaid, that's perfectly ok.

Once you let that resentment go you'll be a lot happier.

How much in the way of planning does a baby shower need? It's just a bunch of women sitting around eating cake, drinking tea/coffee/wine and giving the mum-to-be some gifts, it's not rocket science.

I cannot as friend is going to fly out and she is pregnant. I am so torn 😩😩😩😩😩😩

B presumably has closer people she wants to be bridesmaids. She shouldn't have to ask you just because you are her sister's best friend or because you recommended a hall. If she is having a big hen do, it's a bit more surprising not to invite you, but presumably it's because she sees you more as A's friend.

In terms of the baby shower, you have said you are too busy and you want to arrange it all but have been advised not to. I think you need to take the emotion out of it and make a decision - either you don't have the time/energy to help, and then make that clear, or you are happy to help and then go ahead. You can say to A in a diplomatic way e.g. 'B will be busy with her hen, so I'm happy to sort the food etc, did you have a preference for X or Y?'

Ok you're being kind of silly now imo

You describe A as your best friend.

But you're going to sit back and let her baby shower be ruined by not telling her that her sister is being a dick?

As much as you want to say "this is Bs problem", what A will see is that you knew there was no food etc arranged and did nothing about it either!

Ffs if she's your best friend then tell her!

I would feel like a prize idiot turning up to my baby shower to find out that my sister hadn't bothered doing anything and my best friend didn't say anything because she was pissed off over something entirely unrelated.

Why can’t you? I don’t understand.

A, I was going to plan your baby shower with B but she is having her hen night the day before and expecting me to do it alone which I can’t commit to with a baby, I’m sorry-I think you’d better speak to her.

Bridal party is family in my world.

parents, siblings, not much more than that.

why would you expect to be in the bridal party?

I didnt expect for the whole thing to fall in my lap. The original plan was for B to come the day before and setup. She said she would come 2 hours before the party to set up everything after she went to church.
What's stopping me is her not being considerate at all and expecting me to sit at home doing everything alone. I am not doing this to hurt my bf. This has been such an emotional rollercoaster.

I totally understand she’s being really annoying and I wouldn’t want to do it all alone.

Why can’t you speak to her or her sister about it and say it’s too much to do it all alone? What’s stopping you doing that?

Im scared to start a fight and ruin both parties. If I wasn't so close with A, I would put B in my rear view and tell she can whatever the f she wants for the party.