Friend tried to ditch helping me with sister's shower party?

[Livinthedream11]

I apologize, I made a confusing post because I was super emotional.
I am friends with two sisters A and B. A is my best friend, but I am also close with B.
B is getting married and I am only a wedding guest (this is already confirmed). I vented to my grandma and she was shocked I was not in the bridal party. She watched all of us grow up together and saw how close we were.
A is having a baby shower hosted at my parents place. The idea was for us to work together and get everything ready.
B is having her bach party the day before and she was asking what she could contribute and pay for. Asking if I would be in charge of the menu and stuff. She would come help 2 hours before the party. I was not invited to the party the day before the shower. I would have been working alone doing everything with B strolling in right before the party.
I love A and I am contributing quite a bit with decor and a dessert she likes. A even told me that her sister and SIL were in charge of planning everything.

I don’t understand the problem. You have told B you can’t do more than originally agreed. Just leave it at that, or send a text to A as suggested.

No need for further drama.

I think you should tell A that you think it's might be better to reschedule her baby shower as B doesn't seem to have capacity to help out and while you've organised decorations, desert and are providing a venue you can't take on any more with a 5 month old.

Sorry B is being so hurtful, focus on protecting your friendship with A.

You’ve taken this waaaaay too personally.

For shower: Tell A that B is too busy to help and so you need help from A if she wants her party to be a success as you cannot handle it alone.

For B wedding: you are As friend, and Bs by association, that does not mean B has to have you as a bridesmaid.

For B in general: she is busy with her own stuff, has she let A down and put you in a tough spot, yes…but if you tell A you are struggling with it alone then that problem is solved, she can deal with B and whether or not she wants to be unhappy with her. Not your issue.

But you can’t, can you? You feel like you should but you actually can’t. You’re going to have to message her now to explain that unfortunately B can no longer help with food Perhaps her mum or sister can order enough pizza for guests and you are still happy to bring dessert. Think she needs to sort it out. Have you actually spoken to B? Can you ask her to order pizzas to be delivered to the venue? Some do giant sized ones called the beast! They are more economical too.

I can't because I made plans with my other friend not knowing that I would be doing the bulk of the party. Unfortunately her mom is not in the picture, so its up to SIL and her sister.

You’ll have to honest with A and just tell her that B isn’t available to help with any of it including the food. You’re still happy to sort the dessert and venue including decorations but can she please sort out the food? You have to give her a heads up otherwise she’s going to be surprised and upset.

B said she would get the food. I dont know if i should believe her though.

Baby shower was planned way before the bach party. I dont care what reason that is. I would never take attention away froma sibling or friend and would be there 100% planning and prepping for the party. B originally said she would come over the day before to set up so the bach party is last minute.

I've been to and arranged a fair few baby showers in my time and I've got to be honest I'm not sure what needs so much arranging, especially to have to start the day before. You're at your parents house so I wouldn't worry about decorations, maybe a few balloons here and there? Some sandwiches, cakes and a bit of party food. Surely that doesn't need 2 of you anyway?

Exactly. It's 2.30pm now and I reckon with a bit of help from Uber Eats groceries delivery I could have a decent baby shower ready to go by 5pm.
OP I assume by your use of "bach" "mom" and the dedication to baby showers you're not in the UK?
I think you're getting way too upset about this, using words like "terrified" and saying it's an emotional rollercoaster. Perhaps you're still in PP hormonal turmoil but try to get some perspective. It's just 20 people having a bit of food (which B can sort) and A opening some presents which others will bring. Put up a couple of balloons make a few pots of tea and chill the fuck out

I dont have experience throwing a baby shower, but I have hosted parties. I am not doing complicated decor, just something special. In our culture we have a whole spread of usually home made food or take out (think panda express). Mu family friend cooked a lot of cultural dishes for my baby shower, I was really touched. I am stunned by total lack of communication regarding the baby shower. Plus the only name on the invite is B's name for rsvp and hostess stuff.

If getting a takeaway is normal in your culture why are you so worried about the food? Just pick up a takeaway shortly beforehand or get something delivered and get B to pay you afterwards. We don’t have panda express in the UK so no idea if they deliver

Genuinely, OP, your style of communication is so confused I'm not surprised this all sounds full of misunderstandings. I'm assuming you are all still in your teens, with all that juvenile friendship dynamics, churchgoing and parents and grandparents stuff. I will assume you've still go a lot going on with postpartum hormones, otherwise I'd say this is the original mountain out of a molehill.

As far as it's possible to disentangle all the verbiage, you're annoyed you aren't B's bridesmaid and are deflecting the anger onto arrangements for A's baby shower, which you feel stuck with doing a disproportionate amount of the prep for.

Just use your words. You can't do any more for the baby shower than whatever minor stuff you'd specifically committed to. A and B will have to figure it out between them. It's really not that 'emotionally draining'.

I agree…B is a problem

I cannot see what the problem is? Just get on with it! Order some food and drink to be delivered, put up a few decorations (are they even needed?!) and you’re done.

B is an idiot to have booked her Hen party the day before her sisters baby shower, but that’s not your problem. Just concentrate on A and making sure she has a lovely day. Ask your mum to step up and help you and cancel the plans you made with a friend to see your baby (why would you arrange that when you’re sorting a party for A?).

A baby shower is just a bunch of women sitting around eating sandwiches and cake, while the mum to be opens a few gifts. I really don’t know why you’re making this into such a big deal. And I’m struggling to see why it’s such an emotional rollercoaster.

Forget about the bridesmaid thing. B is choosing her friends, not friends of A to be in the bridal party.

Perhaps she didn't realise that ordering Chinese to someone else's mom's house was a two day long activity

What the bloody hell is going on here

your not part of a bridal party but you’re not family and someone is having a bach party(you mean hen do I’m guessing) and you’re organising it???

why are you emotional?

I am not organizing the hen do. I am expected to set up the baby shower by myself.

Just say sorry you’re taking the piss I need some help or I’m not doing it

end of

no drama

I told the bride to be I am only doing dessert and decor.

Thought you said B was going to come 2h before it starts and help you set it up?
How long does it take two (I presume) adult women to put up a few decorations and order a Chinese takeaway

I would even agree to that

their do they get caterers in or whatever or help you - they sound self centred and entitled leaving all this to you.

The one I feel sorry for is your mum. She is the one whose house is going to be turned upside dow, who will have all the upheaval of prepping the house for the event, and clearing up afterwards. Who is offering to help her with the tidying, cleaning, and putting everything back again afterwards?

And this is why baby showers and hen nights need to be outlawed.

Chavtastic nightmares, both of them.

Are you getting your mums house cleaned and tidied, sorting out the tables and chairs, deep cleaning the bathroom, hoovering the stairs, scrubbing down the kitchen, mopping the floors? And putting everything away again afterwards?