Friend tried to ditch helping me with sister's shower party?

[Livinthedream11]

I apologize, I made a confusing post because I was super emotional.
I am friends with two sisters A and B. A is my best friend, but I am also close with B.
B is getting married and I am only a wedding guest (this is already confirmed). I vented to my grandma and she was shocked I was not in the bridal party. She watched all of us grow up together and saw how close we were.
A is having a baby shower hosted at my parents place. The idea was for us to work together and get everything ready.
B is having her bach party the day before and she was asking what she could contribute and pay for. Asking if I would be in charge of the menu and stuff. She would come help 2 hours before the party. I was not invited to the party the day before the shower. I would have been working alone doing everything with B strolling in right before the party.
I love A and I am contributing quite a bit with decor and a dessert she likes. A even told me that her sister and SIL were in charge of planning everything.

I think you're being spiteful because you're upset about not being in the bridal party.

Someone close to me didn't choose me as maid of honour, but on the day the MoH was late and not very helpful, so I stepped up and took care of the bride because I love them and want them to have a good wedding day.

You could have arranged the food in the time you've taken posting on here. You say your mom is a great party planner so she'll have some supplies. Order a banner and some cake toppers, job done.

Then just stick to that! When B arrives 2 hours beforehand, ask what she wants to do for food?! She’ll have to order something after all it is her sister.

Then there is no problem.

Are you this much of a drama llama about everything? So what if your best friend's sister didn't make you a bridesmaid? That's not your birthright, it's her wedding and her choice.

You're manufacturing problems because you're pissed off there's a hen do and you aren't invited. All this nonsense about cutting off Friend B - you are being childish and you aren't thinking about what matters.

@Livinthedream11 you need to separate your feelings about the two separate issues.
Not being in the bridal party of your best friend’s sister would be considered normal to most of us.
As for the baby shower, I’ve been to and thrown a few and I don’t get the stress. All of this stress because the sister might not come through with the food, even though you/ her can easily order a take away. Kindly, I think you need to give your head a wobble.

B will not be in a state to turn up to anything the day after her hen party!! You will be left to do everything!! They are both relying on your mum stepping in to help you! NEITHER sister is your friend let alone your best friend!!! Why can’t you see this!!! you need to tell A that B isn’t doing anything and you can’t and that this wasn’t the plan and that she needs to book afternoon tea somewhere instead

I'm not sure this situation merits 11 exclamation marks

It sounds to me like these women are using you as their skivvy.

You are putting too much on yourself, OP. You agreed to to deserts etc. just do what you agreed to, if B arrives and asks about other stuff, remind her of what you had agreed to do. She will just have to step up for her sister.

Unfortunately she is.

Then say, ‘it feels like I’m being expected to set up the baby shower alone and I can’t do that.’

God help you when you encounter an actual emotional roller coaster is all I can say, if not being a bridesmaid and having to order some food and throw up a couple of balloons for a tea party at your mother’s house is putting you in this much of a tailspin.

All this takes is basic communication to rectify.

The party takes place in a couple weeks, so yeah I cannot carnage the food rn. Plus party takes place in another city several hours away. Originally when bride asked my mom to use her house, she said her and SIL were taking care of all the food.

Two hours is more than long enough to set up a baby shower. In the UK most people only get access to the venue to set up parties an hour or two beforehand. You are being ridiculous about this. Put up some decorations and buy a couple of desserts as you offered. The rest is on A, her sister and her SIL.

For someone with a 5 month old baby you are creating extra stress for yourself over nothing. After the baby shower, stop speaking to B. Sounds like the only reason you are involved at all is because they want to use your mum's house. Half of the guests won't even come as they will be hungover from the hen party.

A doesn't care that much about you either as you weren't included when she asked your mum to host in her home.

I told A they could use my mom's house.

Can't you see you're making a big deal about something minor just because you are angry you aren't a bridesmaid?

I bet if you were going to the bachelor party (in the UK we call it a hen do) you'd find a way to make this work easily.

You say "think panda express" so I'm guessing your American (I googled and it's Chinese takeaway). There is no reason on god's green earth you couldn't place an order is you were REALLY worried the bride to be hasn't arranged food.

You are already doing decor and dessert, potentially food is the only hassle. Yes, B should honour her promise, but this is your best friend in the whole world, so half an hour booking takeout is hardly a burden.

You're pissed off and looking for reasons to justify it. Own it and move on.

What's a Bach party??

Bachelorette

Ah thanks. We call it a "hen do" in the UK :)

Sorry for the confusion

The biggest hurt is the fact that had this thing not transpired, I would have not even known that I was expected to do absolutely everything. Idk when she would have even contacted me about my duties for the party. I would have come the day before done dessert and put up decor, food would not be there. Im not angry about not being a bridesmaid, Im super hurt that she did not even want to set up with me. Btw I have not said anything to anyone related or part of the wedding party about me being excluded.

Why I am in the wrong here? Sister originally said she was bringing food for the party. Had she said nothing people would have come to a place with no food and that is tacky af.

Yes its her choice, her day whatever. Her wedding doesnt mean I cannot be hurt over this. Other then venting to close people and people on the internet, I have not said (or will say) anything to anyone related to the bride or the wedding.

You’re giving this far too much headspace. Decide what you’re going to do and then stop dwelling on it.

you can’t change that you’ve not been asked to be bridesmaid. I get that it’s hurtful, but you’re going to have to get over it.
you can’t change that you’re not invited to the bachelorette. Again, swallow the hurt and move on.
you can tell A that you’re not able to organise the whole shower on your own. Do it now so it’s doesn’t come as a surprise and there’s time to organise help.
you can’t change that B is a being flaky. Tell her that she needs to tell you guest numbers and what catering arrangements she’s made. Do it today.

the more you mope about this, the sulkier you’re coming across.
the sooner you address it, the quicker you’ll feel better. Also, if you speak up now, it won’t ruin either party. If you don’t speak up, both parties risk being dominated by the drama and everyone falls out.

i hate to say it, but it’s time to approach this with maturity.

Takeaway is not the norm

My mom keeps a super clean house. We are using disposable plates, cutlery and cups, no way I'm going to have my mom do all thr cleanup.