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Parents of adult children

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Original poster

Overheard conversation

99 replies

Greenhousecat · 17/05/2020 21:55

First of all I wasn’t intentionally eavesdropping but I was sat in the garden reading when I overheard dd on the phone. Windows open.
I did honestly move away pretty quickly but not before I overheard a few snippets that I wished I hadn’t which was personal to dd and her on/off bf. I feel sick about it now and I can’t say anything to her. She’s technically an adult but only just and quite frankly I’m a bit shocked. I want to give her some advice but how do I bring it up without being accused of spying on her? I’m not keen on bf either, and dd knows it, so things are even more awkward

OP posts:
rossKemp · 17/05/2020 21:57

You need to give us some context to what you overheard if you want advice

Teacaketotty · 17/05/2020 22:00

Agreed - no idea how you should approach it if we don’t know what it is?

Ajollygoodwrap · 17/05/2020 22:02

I would say it depends on the relationship you have with her and the seriousness of the situation. If you're close enough that she listens to you (doesn't necessarily have to do what you say but respects your opinion) and knows she can trust you not be judgy or unreasonable, then you can just tell what you wrote here and ask if she'd like a bit of advice which she's free to ignore. You overheard, you didn't eavesdrop.

If this isn't something you can do/not the type of relationship you have with her, then I'd leave it alone till she comes to you.

OceanOrchid · 17/05/2020 22:02

She hasn’t asked for advice so don’t offer any. Unless she’s in serious danger you need to just pretend you never heard.

wonderrotunda · 17/05/2020 22:02

Could you just be chatting to her about a hypothetical but totally different situation and maybe say how you would feel if that situation occurred? If you see what I mean!

Original poster
Greenhousecat · 17/05/2020 22:03

It was to do with her sex life so totally non of my business but a bit concerning to me but maybe not to other people. Wish I hadn’t heard it.

I’m a proper worrier so take everything to the extreme. I’m my own worst enemy. I probably just need to let it go.

OP posts:
HollowTalk · 17/05/2020 22:04

Do you feel she is being coerced into doing something she doesn't want to do?

Cosyblanky · 17/05/2020 22:08

Over the years I've heard/seen snippets of things I shouldn't have with my three. There's no way I would let on I know! If it sounded like bf is mistreating her then yes, have the conversation, if not stay out of it.

Original poster
Greenhousecat · 17/05/2020 22:09

I don’t know HollowTalk. Knowing her probably not but she’s so besotted with him who knows. I would like to say not. But it does just involve the two of them.

OP posts:
ssd · 17/05/2020 22:12

Hard to know what to advise you without details really.

MarylandMayhem · 17/05/2020 22:14

I'm guessing anal sex?

coronarona · 17/05/2020 22:14

How old is she op?

Cantdothis2020 · 17/05/2020 22:18

Yes if it’s to do with the sexual activities of dc this can be a tricky one.
It’s awful thinking about your dc having sex in the first place, never mind the specifics of it. It’s a bit like thinking of your parents doing it lol. I remember finding something in ds’s room when we cleared it out after he left home. I was unnerved let’s say but I’m a proper prude and things are so much different than in my youth.
If she’s not upset or distressed then try and leave it.

Original poster
Greenhousecat · 17/05/2020 22:24

Yes Maryland.

She’s 21 and no shrinking violet but I’m also a bit of a prude Cantdothis2020. Thing is you always look at them as your babies and it’s hard accepting that they are not.

OP posts:
imwellardme · 17/05/2020 22:32

Anal sex is just as common as PIV these days! Especially at that age. Unless she is being forced or coerced, there is really nothing for you to worry about or be concerned with.

titchy · 17/05/2020 22:32

I'm not sure I'd call a 21 yo 'only just' as adult...

Anyway, if what you heard sounded like she was reticent and wasn't into the idea but was being persuaded to, then a conversation along the lines of 'I wasn't listening in but overheard and just want to say....'

If she sounded ok then but (sorry!) out. Tbh I'd be surprised if a sexually active 21 yo hadn't tried anal, it's not that weird...

Original poster
Greenhousecat · 17/05/2020 22:35

Thank you imwellardme. I needed to hear that.

OP posts:
Original poster
Greenhousecat · 17/05/2020 22:38

titchy I’m a dreadful prude. I need to sort myself out.
It’s his preferred method apparently and it’s just so not my thing but everyone is different I know.

OP posts:
CallMeOnMyCell · 17/05/2020 22:48

Anal is only normal amongst young people because they watch porn. The men expect it and the women go along with it because they feel they have to. I wouldn’t want to be with a man whose preference was anal, it’s a degrading way for a women to have sex.

playparkrage · 17/05/2020 22:51

I'd prob try and find a way to start a general chat about women being pressured into doing things they don't want to do just to please partners.

2007Millie · 17/05/2020 22:52

21?
Christ, I'm glad you weren't my parent at 21, you would have been absolutely mortified. Blush

In all seriousness though, unless you're concerned about her safety, stay out and don't say anything. It's really not your place unless you're concerned.

Classicbrunette · 17/05/2020 22:53

If she’s trying anal then hopefully she won’t even like it, and won’t want to do it again.

playparkrage · 17/05/2020 22:53

And not being into anal sex doesn't mean you're a dreadful prude.

Susanna85 · 17/05/2020 22:53

I don't think bringing this up with her will achieve much. Does she know she can come to you with a problem?
Hopefully she also has good friends who she feels able to talk to. No one wants to discuss anal penetration with their DM, surely.

changedforthisoneta · 17/05/2020 22:58

If she is being pressured into it then I'd say you overheard just so she is aware she can say no.
Never in my life have I met a man who prefers anal sex with a woman.
I've NC as don't want it to be linked to my other name but me and my partner agreed we would try it because I wanted to. I enjoy it but it's not our preferred way.

But if he is pressuring her then maybe he should shove something up his own arse and tell her how much he likes it then?