So those of you who don't lie to your children...

[LynetteScavo]

..yes you; the parents who tell their children Father Christmas doesn't exist, how far does this truth telling go?

Do you tell them you really don't want to play game of Junior Monopoly for example. Or, like me would you smile and lie saying "Of course dear, I'd love to."

This doesn't apply to me, I lie quite happily but also often say "no, I'm not doing X with you because I dont want to".

Double strike!

I once was told I had lied to my ds's 'cos I made up a story about dh going to the moon.

Ooh you naughty thing Corporal.

My neighbour told a real lie funny to my dd (5). He said that he and his wife had been to local pond and seen some rats. (that part is true). He then said he had observed the rats chewing the leg off a man and he had been forced to summon the air ambulance!

dd loves a good joke/lie and does challenge me if she sniffs out a porky. I told her yesterday I had only had one of her sweets. She challenged me and said she knew I had had two (true) because it was taking so long to chew them.

My dh is entirely honest with the children at all times
from
'no darling it's a woman dressed up to look like the character Cinderella' (at Disneyland)
to
'I really don't enjoy playing that, but I'll play for 10 minutes in return for reading my paper for 10 minutes afterwards'
(almost any game)
and
'I'm so impressed that you're practicing but it sounds very screechy at the moment'
(DD asking for his opinion on her recorder playing!)

He is very hands on, always fair and unbearably honest!

glad to see i have inspired you lynette

I wonder the same thing Lynette ...

"mummy, a boy in school called me ugly today - am I ugly?"
"well yes you are dear, but I love you anyway"

"la la la la - do you like my singing mummy"
"no dear, it's absolutley awful, why don't you hum instead"

"mummy, I came bottom of the class in the spelling test today and X called me thick - am I thick?"
"well yes love, you're not very intelligent, but don't worry, there are plenty of jobs for unintelligent people out there when you get older ..."

As another poster said - honesty is truly over-rated

plonker rofl - i think that's called " BRUTAL HONESTY " lol

We believe in santa in this house but i never lie to the kids about other stuff.... i answer questions honestly and in childrens terms and am bluntly honest about reasons for things, ie; 'I don't want to play that game because i'm tired', 'Stop making that noise because it's irritating' or 'You're going to bed now becasue mommy wants her turn at sitting down and relaxing in front of the tv'

I aspire to be like anrypixie's dh but I fear I am falling short. I occaisionally try to suggest to my fairy-sparkly obsessed 4 yr-old dd that fairies are not actually real. To which she always replies very vehemently: Well I KNOW the tooth fairy's real! And I just lose momentum .........

rofl at plonker

brutal honesty is all very well as long as the statements it requires are not very...well, brutal. 'I don't want to play this game' is fairly low down on that scale

now tell me quite frankly- does my bum look big in this?

if i don't want to play I generally say so
I was never a board games type of mum. Loathe them. Lukcily DH lieks those things.

I thought I didn't lie to my children until my cat died.

cue MASSIVE "cat heaven Conspiricy!" in my house.

I prefer board games tomuch dd's beloved fairy-princes-witch games. It's enough to drive me to housework....

Yes, totally honest.

Fortunately I am a very soppy mother so I sometimes enjoy ds' screeching singing. When I really can't bear it, it's something along the lines of 'Sometimes I do, but right now I'd appreciate some silence.'

Seems to work for us so far (but ds only 2.5, so worst still to come!)

Do you honest people extend this honesty to everybody around you or just to your children?

"Sorry MIL but I'd rather pluck my finger nails out one by one than spend half an hour on the phone to you

"it isn't really that I have a headache, it's your balding head that I find a complete turn-off"

"no, SIL, I don't think your dd is a lovely girl really, I think she is a stuck-up little madam who will probably end in the gutter"

(all made-up examples btw, my MIL is charming, dh has a fine crop of hair and my nieces are universally charming)

It has taken me 30 years to recover from some honest remarks my mother made to my question of how my squint affected her. Very honest- but there are times you don't really want the truthful answer to your questions. Particularly not as a child.

I tend to be honest with everyone... even if it's honestly by ommision like saying 'Hmm, yeah' instead of 'Yes mother dear i'm sure your life really is worse than everyone elses in your mind but fgs you have pretty much brought it on yourself' or 'I know what you mean' instead of 'I know what you mean but i completely disagree with every word you've just said and now think you're a raving lunatic'

That's very much my strategy PinkTulips. In general, if people ask a question I think they should be prepared to accept the truthful answer - or else phrase their question more honestly as a plea for reassurance rather than truth.

I tend to be honest as I hate lying but there's ways of saying things rather than blunt honestly to spare people's feelings.

Sometimes lying makes for an easier life IME. I am honest with dd about her recorder playing (and my honesty comes back and smacks me in the gob with other mothers), but I would always try not to hurt dd's feelings.

I do try not to be too brutal about dd's singing..............

I think lying is in integral part of parenting!

Appropriate doses of fiction are an integral part of life in society. We need to know both how to use fiction and to interpret the fiction of others, accurately. Being brutally honest with your children at all times is a losing strategy

I think there's a vast difference between the kind of "lying" that creates a childhood fantasy such as father christmas and the tooth fairy, and real life things that have a real impact on a person...

We tell our children about father christmas because it's a fantasy, a bit of make-believe, and with time they grow up realizing that it can't possibly be true and that it was just a fantasy, something to be excited about, to make Christmas that bit more magical.

But you only have to watch the x-factor auditions to see the results of what happens when parents tell their children that "yes, your singing is lovely dear."

A child isn't going to be traumatised by finding out that father Christmas isn't real. But if we talk our children up by telling them that they're the most beautiful, most inteligent, most talented, it's going to be a really hard fall when they find out that's not the case.

We can be honest with our children in such a way as to not deliberately hurt their feelings, but it is imo important to be honest about the things that really matter..

There's honesty and honesty, even over Father Christmas. I have never told DS that Father Christmas exists, but he believes anyway and I've never told him that FC doesn't exist, either.

There's a distinction between lying and forcing the whole truth down someone's throat. "I can't talk now because I have some paint to watch dry that is far more important, and I would rather pluck my fingernails out one by one than listen to you anyway" can be usefully abbreviated to "I can't talk now" and each party can imagine their own end to the sentence.

I doubt very much that DS is ever going to labour under any illusions as to my fondness for Junior Monopoly.

I probably do lie to the DCs sometimes, though, even if I can't think of any instances at the moment. I definitely try not to if it can be avoided, though (Father Christmas strategy is an example of this, I suppose).