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Original poster

Reasons to tell Vicar why I want DS's christened - any advice?

111 replies

Holymoly321 · 30/07/2008 09:09

DS1 is coming up to 3 and DS2 is 8mths. We've always wanted to get them christened and named the god parents long ago (esp DS1 godparents who have now been waiting for it to be made 'official' for over two years!). Well we can't put it off any longer, and we are going to see a church this week to talk to the vicar about organising a christening. Only thing is, I was never christened and we've never been to church. I'm sure the vicar will want us to give good reasons why we want the boys christened - what can we say? It's not anything to do with schools or anything - I would just love them to be properly christened.

OP posts:

reethi96 · 30/07/2008 09:18

Just explain your reasons. We had ds blessed as we are not regular church goers and I didn't feel that having him christened was right for us. I told the vicar that I wanted ds to make his own mind up when he was older but I wanted to have a thanksgiving blessing because I feel extremely thankful to god for blessing us with ds!

The vicar was fine but I did feel that perhaps he would have prefered it if we had him christened. My friend met with the same vicar and had her ds christened but she said that the vicar suggested that a blessing may be appropriate as they were not regular church goers. I am sure the vicar will be than happy to christen your boys just be prepared to explain your reasoning.

GooseyLoosey · 30/07/2008 09:20

Why would you love them to be christened - what appeals to you about it?

DisenchantedPlusBump · 30/07/2008 09:22

Perhaps you should start going to church first!
For a few months.

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Marina · 30/07/2008 09:25

Although most vicars will welcome you for baptism preparation, they will want you to have more clearly articulated reasons than you've given so far.
You say you've never been to church. Have the godparents? Are any of you aware of the importance of the promises you make during the rite of baptism? The vicar will want to know how you intend to bring the boys up to be Christians.

GooseyLoosey · 30/07/2008 09:28

If it helps, I considered a blessing for my children. I am an atheist and so is dh. The reasons that I considered a church ceremony is that I wanted something to welcome the dcs into the wider community that we live in and their "god parents" were a representation of that wider community. The church is the only recogniseable emmanation of the community. I wanted a ceremony that had cultural resonance and significance for me and the god parents and which has sufficient gravitas to mean something (tree hugging would not). I could not agree to bring the dcs up in the church though.

ComeOVeneer · 30/07/2008 09:28

I'm sorry but this sort of thing really annoys me. Non church goers/believers having church weddings and their children christened!

Why would you love them to be christened, just for the actual day or do you propose to bring them up in the faith?

reethi96 · 30/07/2008 09:31

The godparents will have to be christians. Another reason why we went for the blessing, with a blessing you have supportive friends instead of god parents and it is not compulsory for them to be christians. Perhaps a blessing may be more appropriate for you?

Original poster

Holymoly321 · 30/07/2008 09:33

I knew this would kick off! Ok, I believe that there is 'something' out there ad that that 'something' created evolution - am not a believer of Adam and Eve - I believe in dinosaurs - but that something incredible created them from nothing iykwim. I like the idea of a blessing as we are very thankful for our DS's and feel 'blessed' to have them. We didn't get married in a church, but see no reason why we can't have our children blessed in one. I mean, where else would you go to give thanks for two wonderful children?

OP posts:

amner · 30/07/2008 09:33

Well thats a very helpful christian view point ComeOver....

Children are always welcomed into the christian faith as far as I'm aware.

You may find you have to attend church for a few months beforehand.. but thats not a chore and at least it gives you the opportunity to see if its really what you want.

Original poster

Holymoly321 · 30/07/2008 09:35

Reethi - am liking the sound of a 'blessing' more and more. Ca you tell me a bit more about it? What did it entail?

OP posts:

trefusis · 30/07/2008 09:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Nagapie · 30/07/2008 09:35

Personally, I subscribe to the school of thought that no vicar/minister can refuse any religious rites...

As far as I am aware, baptism is just a pledge by the godparents and parents to raise the child knowing Christ and the assembled congregants accept the children into the church.

Having two children, it is quite an ask to go to church regularly - churches often aren't child friendly, the kids don't want to be dumped in creche/Sunday school with children and adults they don't know ...

SSSandy2 · 30/07/2008 09:36

This won't be the first talk of this kind the vicar has held with parents and I would just tell him the truth, even if you feel you cannot articulate it very well. He may have a suggestion for you or be able to clear up for you what it means to him if parents christen their children in his church. If you don't know exactly why you want to do it but feel that it is important to both of you despite not having had a Christian upbringing yourself, why not just say so?

Possibly he will suggest that you prepare yourselves in some way by reading something, meeting with him over a few weeks and attending church. Then you'll ahve to discuss with dh how you both feel about it after the talk and how you want to proceed.

trefusis · 30/07/2008 09:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

GooseyLoosey · 30/07/2008 09:37

ComeOVeneer - the problem for many of us is that over the past 1000 years, the church has subsumed all our cultural traditions (many elements of a weeding ceremony are not derived from religious dictats but from much older traditions). This means that if you want a "traditional" ceremony, there is no option but to have a church ceremony, although I do agree that you should avoid promising things like bringing the children up in the church if you have no intention of doing so.

Original poster

Holymoly321 · 30/07/2008 09:38

exactly nagapie! We can't do church every week. and this really has nothing to do with schools - all the schools in my area are very good and none of the local ones are church schools anyway so that really has nothing to do with it.

OP posts:

nailpolish · 30/07/2008 09:41

"I believe in dinosaurs"

ROFL

ComeOVeneer · 30/07/2008 09:42

I'm sorry to unpset or ofend anyone, however I do tire of loads of people getting married in a church simply because they wantthe full on whitewedding, say their vows infront of God (whom they don't belve in) and then never go to church again. Also those who have their children christened godparents ho vow to invovle themselves inthe child's religious upbringing and then no mention of faith/church again (other than what they are taught at school). It just seems so hypocritical.

IMO they are other ways of celebration both marriage and the blessing of a child without using a faith you don't actually belive in in order to have a ceremony.

GooseyLoosey · 30/07/2008 09:43

But there is no sense of tradition or continuity behind any of the alternatives.

ComeOVeneer · 30/07/2008 09:44

Nagapie, the point is most parents and godparents don't bring the child up with any religious education. Plus what is the point in the congregation accepting the child into the community of the church when the child is never seen putting foot inside the door again?

nailpolish · 30/07/2008 09:44

i completely agree with you comoveneer

its VERY hypocritical

using the church for some pretty photos and a fun day out

amner · 30/07/2008 09:45

I can see your point now.

ComeOVeneer · 30/07/2008 09:45

But it is a tradition they don't actually believe in and the continuity is pointless if they don't continue in the church in any capacity.

nailpolish · 30/07/2008 09:45

and LYING

"oh yes we promise to bring our child up a christian in the body of the church"

Marina · 30/07/2008 09:47

You don't have to "do church" every week and Sunday Schools aren't places children are "dumped with strangers", they are run by CRB-checked volunteers, often busy parents themselves .
What an incredibly antagonistic attitude towards worship nagapie. Shop around and find a church more to your liking if the ones nearest you aren't child-friendly.
It seems to me the Church of England can't win, yet again. Ours is a genuinely welcoming place where the vicar willingly and helpfully prepares non-churchgoers for infant baptism and marries people she has never clapped eyes on before. We have a baptism team who take the trouble to arrange a home visit for the family if wanted and who undertake to pray for the children after they are done.
I help in the Sunday School and lots of children don't make it every week. Most parishioners don't. Even the vicar has a Sunday off once in a while!
They are still welcomed whenever they do attend and it is a small and happy band of children who do know each other.
All this is done out of Christian goodwill, but apparently to expect ANY kind of reciprocal commitment or involvement in return is unacceptable.

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