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Original poster

Reasons to tell Vicar why I want DS's christened - any advice?

111 replies

Holymoly321 · 30/07/2008 09:09

DS1 is coming up to 3 and DS2 is 8mths. We've always wanted to get them christened and named the god parents long ago (esp DS1 godparents who have now been waiting for it to be made 'official' for over two years!). Well we can't put it off any longer, and we are going to see a church this week to talk to the vicar about organising a christening. Only thing is, I was never christened and we've never been to church. I'm sure the vicar will want us to give good reasons why we want the boys christened - what can we say? It's not anything to do with schools or anything - I would just love them to be properly christened.

OP posts:

unknownrebelbang · 30/07/2008 10:19

I don't see them as mugs Marina. Far from it. Agree with thefallenmadonna.

Marina · 30/07/2008 10:19

Smiling, you will be welcomed, I am sure . It is the wrong church for you if you aren't.
You didn't really mention starting a relationship with God or with faith in your OP though!
If you are interested in following it up, ask the vicar when you see him/her for some ideas for reading/useful website and see where that takes you.
If the vicar is a good one he/she will be used to couples not entirely sure what they want from infant baptism and will ask the right questions to help you decide.
Most families IME make it to church one Sunday in three and no-one judges them for not coming week in week out, if that helps allay your concern you will be expected to be there every week.

SSSandy2 · 30/07/2008 10:22

I think what Marina's (and others') posts show is that from the point of view of the Christian congregation of the church wehre your dc will be christened, this will not be "just some traditional ceremony". I think it's good to see that too and understand it. What is hard for Christians to swallow and they swallow a great deal in the course of everyday life is that the church is expected to provide everything people would like/require and at the same time be expected to take open derision.

I know at times when I see the name "Jesus" used on MN as a swear word, even in thread titles, it's like a slap in the face. I would find it hard to understand how someone would christen their dc say and then use the name of Christ as a swear word (not meaning anyone on this thread specifically) but it happens, personally that's something I would find hard to understand.

There is not just total committment to Christianity and open repudiation of it, a lot of us are somewhere or other along that path but at neither end. Christening your dc is one step on that path and I don't think it requires total understanding of and committment to the Christian faith however basic respect for it is necessary IMO.

I'm sorry (dunno who said it) I don't really agree that a christening is about a relationship with the church so much as institution (although of course it is that too), it is about a relationship with Jesus Christ (hence the term christening) and atm you have a vague belief in God but Christ I think you have not really "met". Maybe you want to think about that, how you feel about Christ and if he fits in your world view.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Families General parenting Philosophy & religion

unknownrebelbang · 30/07/2008 10:24

My DH attends church when his shifts allow - no one bats an eyelid. I rarely attend, but again no one bats an eyelid when I do (although the vicar did look rather shocked when I turned up for the 8 am service one morning).

And I've always found that children (well everyone really) is made welcome. One auld git did once complain about a child - he was soon told.

ComeOVeneer · 30/07/2008 10:24

I agree with Marina, your OP was lacking in any indication this was anything other than a one off event to get our children christened. If you are keen it making this more part of your and your children's lives then be open and honest with the vicar and I'm sure they will be more than pleased to assist you in decided what you want to do.

CarGirl · 30/07/2008 10:25

Some churches are ecstatic to do christenings/blessings/dedications so that you set foot inside a church and hear God's word.

TBH I have been to some very formal Saturday afternoon CofE christenings which were not part of any sort Sunday service, with families who do not have any sort of faith, they were very cringeworthy (to me as a believer) and then someone was stood outside the door on exit with an offering plate - urgh!

I do find it very comfortable to hear parents making promises to bring up a child in the faith when they admit they have no intention of doing so (this is with people I know), some sort of blessing/thanksgiving is far easier for me to enjoy/believe in IYSWIM

CarGirl · 30/07/2008 10:28

that should be ucomfortable to hear parents!

SSSandy2 · 30/07/2008 10:29

I did like your slip though We needed a laugh!

CarGirl · 30/07/2008 10:31

Yes it all gets a bit heated!!

Shock horror my 3 youngest haven't even had a formal deciation ceremony I just take them nearly every week and pray for them daily, I look forward to them having believers baptisms when they're ready (I write that in faith!)

jellybeans · 30/07/2008 10:37

I think churches should be open to anyone and should welcome anyone to have weddings/christenings etc. I think more people will ultimately join the congregation that way than if the church is becoming exclusive or conditional. Should be there for when the community needs it. My DC are christened, I would call myself a liberal christian, but I don't go to church that often due to circumstances which are very complicated.

SqueakyPop · 30/07/2008 10:48

The Church is very willing to start a relationship with you, smiling. But the key word is relationship. Where is the relationship in showing up for baptism and then leaving again?

Baptism is a very serious thing to Christians. It is a promise to start a new life in Christ. The Church of England allows believing parents to make the promise on behalf of children who are too young to profess the Christian faith.

If you are serious about baptism, start by going to church, and get involved in the life of it. You will be welcomed with open arms.

If you are nervous about going to a service for the first time, Harvest Sunday, at the end of September is Back to Church Sunday this year.

SSSandy2 · 30/07/2008 10:49

Here's a brief explanation about baptism in the Church of England:here

As you can see, smiling, they will be used to families in a similar situation to yours. I think you'll find the talk with the vicar helpful. Let us know how you got on if you do go.

Gateau · 30/07/2008 11:23

I think it's really hypocritical to not go to church but get get your child christened.
So many people (I don;t know about you) just HAVE to have this big christening, well piss-up really. I often wonder who it's about - them or the baby? Not a hard one, really.
It's often just another competitive, showey stage in parenting.

TheFallenMadonna · 30/07/2008 11:26

It's about them and the baby surely? What's wrong with a celebration for the whole family (and friends)?

ComeOVeneer · 30/07/2008 11:29

Nothing is wrong with a celebration, but when you make false promises about bringing a child up in a christian community when you have no intention of doing so, that is wrong IMO.

Gateau · 30/07/2008 11:29

No it's not. It's usually an excuse for a good piss-up - and not much else.

TwoWashTutter · 30/07/2008 11:30

TheFallenMadonna · 30/07/2008 11:31

Well, that was a reply to gateau's point about it being about the parents not the baby.

But as I said earlier, whether or not the promises are made in good faith are a matter for the people making them, and not for me. Well, and God of course

ComeOVeneer · 30/07/2008 11:31

They why not forgo the actual christening ceremony and have a welcoming party for all the family and friends instead (that is what we did)?

ComeOVeneer · 30/07/2008 11:32

True, it is a matter for their concience, however I am entitled to my opinion on the matter

SqueakyPop · 30/07/2008 11:33

I think it can be, gateau, but I don't think this is the situation the OP is in. It sounds like she is seeking, and that should be encouraged and nurtured. I personally don't think the best way is to leap into a baptism as a first (and last) encounter with church.

FM, using the sacrament of baptism as an excuse for a family party doesn't seem right to me. Parties are good, and building relationships with extended family is to be enouraged, but in themselves have no connection with baptism. The gathering that takes place after baptism is a celebration of the start of a new life in Christ; the baptism should not be an excuse for a party.

zippitippitoes · 30/07/2008 11:34

i think it is really odd to leap from never having been to church to christening

doing anything at all with so little awareness would be strange but a religious ceremony i am really surprised

how can you have any idea you want it

the first step would be to attend local churches and see if you felt connected or wanted to become more involved

Gateau · 30/07/2008 11:34

And I don;t understan why people want to make a big party out of the 'blessing' either. I had my DS blessed when we were in one Sunday - simple, and to the point. No fuss..

Gateau · 30/07/2008 11:36

Yes, Sqeaky, I know what the OP was saying. I was just talking about christenings generally.

TheFallenMadonna · 30/07/2008 11:36

I'm not even sure why I'm arguing this really.

My children were baptised in the church I attend regularly. The vows were made in good faith by DH and me.

I would not make a vow that I did not at least intend to keep.

THat is my business. It is not my business to judge other people's motives for seeking baptism for their children. In fact, I think it is positively against my faith to do so.

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