Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Original poster

Reasons to tell Vicar why I want DS's christened - any advice?

111 replies

Holymoly321 · 30/07/2008 09:09

DS1 is coming up to 3 and DS2 is 8mths. We've always wanted to get them christened and named the god parents long ago (esp DS1 godparents who have now been waiting for it to be made 'official' for over two years!). Well we can't put it off any longer, and we are going to see a church this week to talk to the vicar about organising a christening. Only thing is, I was never christened and we've never been to church. I'm sure the vicar will want us to give good reasons why we want the boys christened - what can we say? It's not anything to do with schools or anything - I would just love them to be properly christened.

OP posts:
TheFallenMadonna · 30/07/2008 11:37

But I reserve my rights to be judgey on other threads though

Gateau · 30/07/2008 11:37

If everyone was to say "It's MY business.." etc etc there would be AIBU thread. That is the point of it - to comment on other people's BUSINESS.

TheFallenMadonna · 30/07/2008 11:38

This isn't on AIBU...

And there hasn't been much advice given either. Sorry OP!

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Families General parenting Philosophy & religion
zippitippitoes · 30/07/2008 11:40

maybe tell him the actual reasons why you want a christening in his church

what are they

TheFallenMadonna · 30/07/2008 11:40

Look, if you are not a member of the church, be as judgey as you like. That's fine. But I don't think it's particularly in the spirit of the church to be judgey about peoples motives in this case.

SqueakyPop · 30/07/2008 11:41

But the congregation are entering part of the baptism too, and it is disappointing to be party to empty promises. It almost feels that we are being mocked.

On the plus side, the fee goes into the church coffers.

ComeOVeneer · 30/07/2008 11:42

I have a feeling the OP may well not be coming back.

nailpolish · 30/07/2008 11:43

i dont believe in god
so im as judgey as i want to be

we have the prettiest little church down the road

would look fab in photos

but wouldnt get married or christen my baby there

id be too embarrassed and feel REALLY guilty at making promises i didnt intend to keep.

TheFallenMadonna · 30/07/2008 11:43

Do you really feel mocked? I don't. And the promises I make aren't empty.

Gateau · 30/07/2008 11:43

Yes, even more right to be judgey if you're a church member if people are using the church

zippitippitoes · 30/07/2008 11:44

to me it would be like going to a sikh temple or a synagogue and asking to have a ceremony for a child

like nailpolish says embarrassing and strange

if you had never been in one at all before

TheFallenMadonna · 30/07/2008 11:45

Ah well, I'm Catholic (RC) so our churches rend to be pretty hideous. Mostly it's keeping the parents happy that brings non-churchgoers in. Or sometimes the twitch upon the thread.

SqueakyPop · 30/07/2008 11:45

OK, advice to the OP:

Start going to Sunday services. After a few weeks, approach the vicar to discuss a future baptism, and attend a baptism course (you and DH, with other couples, for about 6 sessions). During this time, take any opportunities to go to Newcomers' functions at church, mother & toddler group, etc. If a Christianity Explored or Alpha Course is starting, go along to it.

Have your baptism, and keep coming to church. It will transform your life.

jangly · 30/07/2008 11:55

Don't feel deflated over this, smiling. You might find it easier to approach one of the "lower" churches (for want of a better word!) such as Congregational or Methodist. They will welcome you with open arms, and you might even find it to be the start of a long-lasting and happy relationship!

thebecster · 30/07/2008 12:00

Or Unitarian. We won't mind if you never come to church again, and don't mind what you believe (we all believe different stuff in our Unitarian congregation anyway - from Buddhists to to Christian to Humanist). So there would be no need to think up things to say to the Reverend. But if you are secretly thinking about CofE schools admissions, Unitarian is not such a good choice!

Marina · 30/07/2008 12:04

Dd's godmother is a Unitarian thebecster

SqueakyPop · 30/07/2008 12:06

Baptism is in the name of the Father, Son and Holy Spirit though...

Elasticwoman · 30/07/2008 12:14

Smiling - it isn't all or nothing with churchgoing, you know. Seems a bit contradictory if you NEVER go to church, to get your dc christened, as the service contains promises to bring dc up Christian. Being a Christian does have some implications of public witness to the fact. But you don't have to go every week either. Even if you only go once a year on Easter Sunday, it would be showing your dc as they grow up, that this is the church you go to, and that you believe in the faith you are introducing them to.

KateF · 30/07/2008 12:16

Sorry, havn't read all the thread but just wanted to say that I think you and your family would be welcomed by the church but you do need to consider that you will be making promises and that the service clearly states that "this is our faith, the faith of the church". You are bringing your children into a Christian community and their godparents promise to help bring them up as Christians. I think willingness to go to church now and then is necessary.

Kewcumber · 30/07/2008 12:16

interesting becster I might consider a unitarian service as there's a unitarian church near me. ahve always been interested in them - are you very happy clappy or will a dyed in the wool cynic be welcome?

thebecster · 30/07/2008 13:05

It can vary Kewcumber, as so much depends on the personality of the Reverend, they really set the tone since there is so much freedom within Unitarianism. Ours isn't remotely happy clappy. At our church on Sundays we have hymns, a talk on a spiritual or topical subject which is sometimes a visit from a Rabbi or Buddhist teacher, or a talk from a charity about the work they're doing, or a talk about the Bible, or Islam, or about everyday life, then a few moments of quiet meditation and some music performed by a member of the congregation. For the children there is a children's story based on the topic of the service followed by children's chapel. I love going to church with DS on Sundays, I feel at home in Unitarianism. this link is quite good. It's probably worth dropping in to the church on a Sunday just to see if it has the right atmosphere for you, as I say, they can be quite different. For a specific ceremony such as christening or wedding you have to pick out all the readings and so on yourself - there's work involved but at least you can pick things you really believe in and that are meaningful to you.

nailpolish · 30/07/2008 15:24

becster that sounds really good. best kind of 'church' ive heard/read about in a long time.

ElfOnTheTopShelf · 30/07/2008 15:28

I got married in a Church. I had my DD Christened in Church.
I don't attend Church.
But I pray, I read DD Bible stories at night, I believe in God.
I dont think I have to go to Church every week to make my faith official.

MrsTicklemouse · 30/07/2008 15:30

have you thought about a naming ceremony its like a non religous christening at the registry office, my friend had one for her DD

MrsTicklemouse · 30/07/2008 15:33

if you google naming ceremony and your county you will probably get more relevant information!