School reported daughter's dream to social services, should I complain?

[Maya2233]

Hi, I need some advice. My daughter, she just turned four, is in reception.We have a very loving and beautiful relationship i never even shouted at her. I love her so much. Never had any complaint in nursery or never anything of any sort. So what happened is I went to pick her up today and the head teacher, she called me on the side and it was during the carpet time that she mentioned that mummy hit me on the head. the teacher who was there, was not the class teacher. class teacher was absent. She was another teacher. So she took her to the office and there my daughter, she said the same thing and then she said that it was a dream. So what they did is they reported this to the social services. I am so cross at this as she did mention that it was a dream. And when I went to pick her up and I asked her, the first thing she said was that mummy, I saw a dream last night that you hit me on the head. So I am so unhappy about this, and I don't know how to take this forward, because how can you complain this thing to the social services? The social services didn't even contact me.I don't know why would they bother about a dream. But I am so upset about this. Do I have any rights to complain about the teacher? The class teacher came today she was also surprized and said i know you guys and i am so sorry about this and i will handle everything.

Honestly?

Your child said you hit them. Then when asked formally said it was a dream.

She is in reception. School dont know you or her that well.

Children who are abused often retract when asked more formally.

In your case its not true you are a good mum. In many other cases it is true.

Try and reframe that the school is proactive at safeguarding. Its not nice for you but as its not true there is nothing to worry about.

You can complain all you like, but hand on heart, do you really want your child at school with teachers who ignore kids who say their parents abuse them?

So imagine this isn't your daughter, but a child you don't know.
You don't know anything about the parent or their home life.
The child tells you that mummy hit them in the head.
Then when mummy shows up, the child backtracks and says it was just a dream.

What would you do?
What would you be concerned about if you decided to ignore it?
What could be the worst case scenario for that child?

They are doing their job.

I get why you're upset, but as @Mooselooseinmyhoose says, the school don't know your family, and even if you'd been around longer, they can't ignore the initial 'disclosure'. Don't worry too much. I'm afraid a good many parents do actually hit their children, and while it's noted in case in becomes part of a pattern, nothing much happens in a one-off incident. Especially one that didn't actually happen.

First post nails it.

What @Mooselooseinmyhoosesays!

Surely it’s as plain as the nose on your face that ‘it was a dream’, could be your child changing her story to protect you?

Absolutely! 💯

Don't complain at the school doing their job. Imagine if they had hadn't reported and your child was being hit. If social services can't find any other signs of abuse they will drop it. Yes it's not nice for you, but honestly your child could easily be dead if her mummy was hitting her on the head and it wasn't a dream. Be thankful they had taken it seriously rather than let a child die if it were true.

Suck it up, they did the right thing and were following safeguarding procedures.

Thing is it’s not the teachers job to decide if this is a legitimate safeguarding concern , it’s that teachers job to report it to the safe guarding lead , who then decides if it needs to be followed up/ investigated. They are doing their job. If everything is as you said then don’t worry . This instance may be innocent but many others won’t be. Think of it as you have to endure a mild inconvenience, embarrassment and a bit of indignation so that other kids ( like Sara sharif for example) stay safe.

Another example , you’re presumably not a terrorist but understand that you still have to have your bags searched at the airport . It’s much the same premise.

This sort of thing happens all the time in schools, they have to take it seriously as for every 50 referrals at least one will be needed. Wouldn’t you rather schools did this than dismiss something a child tells them. SS will do nothing, you’ll have a phone call and that will be that.

It's a safeguarding obligation and they would not be meeting their duty if they did not report this for social services to log or investigate.

Children at that age struggle with the concept of dreams anyway, so I don't think it is a reasonable reason for them not to report.

I know you're upset, and I completely understand why. However, as someone who works in a school, we have a duty to safeguard a child. If a child told me that Mummy hit her, I would be failing as a person if I didn't report that to the DSL. Staff are also bound by law to report concerns.

You have to remember that staff don't know you. Even if you were a parent who staff knows well, that's not enough reason, not to report a concern. It's hard for parents to understand that abuse happens, even to children, that go to our own child's school.

The school are proactive with safeguarding, and it's far better to be that way, than ignoring concerns, that could turn out to be legitimate ones. You've done nothing wrong, so therefore you have absolutely nothing to worry about.

The class teacher came today she was also surprized and said i know you guys and i am so sorry about this and i will handle everything.

She shouldn't have said this. Your DD is 4 and her teacher doesn't 'know' what goes on at home. Teachers are not given the option to 'handle' it themselves. It is a legal requirement to report to the safeguarding lead.

I don’t get at all why you would complain?

this is surely a good thing?!?

child raises a potential issue so they flag it up. Great, surely?

you cannot seriously be suggesting that protecting you from not being offended is more important than investigating a child that actually has been hit?

They aren't there to ascertain if your child is back peddling calling it a dream or if it genuinely was. They are just reporting what the child said. It will come to nothing. Ita just their job.
In reception my son told his teacher I threw him out the loft window and that was reported too even though he'd have been dead if I'd done that. Kids say daft things. Schools are used to it so are social services q

I agree, that teacher is the one I would he more worried about. No one ever properly "knows".

You're being silly. They have to act on such things and it's a good thing they do.

You should be angry at your child for being a liar and wasting the schools time.

This is just what they do- report any concerning behaviours or conversation. It’s perfectly normal and not for the school to decide it wasn’t important.

I can see why you’re upset- embarrassed, probably a bit wounded, but honestly, it’s one of those things you’ll have forgotten about in a year.

Officially under safeguarding it's not the teachers job to assess, it's their job to report, and it's escalated to people who have the full picture to decide.
The safeguarding file has every concern from any setting, and every a&e visit.
The teacher has no context.
The idea is that if a child has had an a&e visit due to falling over, and the child tells the school that it was actually due to an adult assaulting them, social services can join the dots.

What, a four year old? They have no idea what lying is!