Should I take my seven-year-old to a work colleague's funeral?

[Runnermumof2]

Do I bring my 7 year old to work mate's funeral ?
One of my work colleagues unexpectedly passed away recently and their funeral is next week. It's the school holidays and I don't have any family nearby to help with childcare. I have a toddler who I have booked in for an extra day at nursery for the funeral. But I'm stumped as to what to do with my 7 year old.
I won't be able to put her in a day club and pick her up in time. The funeral is at 3pm and I need to rush back to the nursery before they close to get my toddler, leaving no time to collect my older child from a club.
Do you think it would be appropriate for me to bring her with me ?
She is a mature 7 year old and has attended a couple of family funerals before, but that's because she was direct family. This is a colleague that she has never known or met.
Would it be inappropriate?
Any other suggestions of what I might be able to do ?

Surely a play date with a friend is the solution? She presumably doesn't even know the person who died.

I would take your 7 year old OP particularly if it comes down to you either go or don’t get to go. I’m in Scotland and no one here would think it inappropriate or strange at all. Like others have said it’s traditional to go to funerals of people you haven’t even met but are close to a family member. It wouldn’t even cross my mind to wonder why someone brought their child. Sorry for your loss

Not appropriate.
Ask for a playdate though, most parents would be happy to accommodate especially if you say it is to attend a funeral.

@Runnermumof2 im English and find peoples attitudes to death and funerals very strange. If you can find a play date for your daughter then great but if not take her with you. Don’t miss the funeral, you can’t undo that and from what you’ve written would regret it.

Id see if she can go play at a school friends house for the afternoon and then return the favour another day

Is there a partner who can take a few hours off?

I agree with this.

Nobody’s a “random person” if someone has enough of a relationship with them to want to attend their funeral.

As we all know (from our own lives and reading MN threads) people can have abysmal relationships with very close family, and strong friendships with so called “random” people. Who’s the judge?

The OP knows the situation and her colleague/s, and trusts her daughter to behave, and presumably not be traumatised by this brief experience. There’s nothing inappropriate about any of that, as far as I can see.

Random to the child i meant - unless its a close relative to the child i wouldnt be taking them to a funeral.

I think you're missing the point. The OP, who had a relationship with the deceased, wants to attend the funeral. To do so, she has to take her child with her.

I’m amazed at the resounding ‘inappropriate’ remarks here. I’m not saying they’re wrong - I just didn’t realise that was the etiquette. Personally I think that as long as you’re confident that you’re child will be respectful (perhaps sat at the back reading a book) - this is absolutely fine.

It's very doubtful whether the presence or absence of a colleague will even be on the family's radar, unless the colleague was also a close friend.

It's not relevant, anyway, as the OP has said the deceased didn't have much of a family, and that most attendees at the funeral would be colleagues, like her.

I think it’s fine. I’ve lost both my parents in recent years and didn’t remotely police who came to the funerals. I’d have been quite touched that you felt that strongly about coming even though you couldn’t get childcare.

As for the child, it actually might be a good thing to experience a funeral for the first time without the upset/motion of having lost someone. It might make them less scary/taboo for them in the future. I was never allowed o go to a funeral as a child and found them pretty uncomfortable initially as a young adult.

I'm English and don't feel I am "uptight about death". I find that quite an offensive generalisation.

However I consider a funeral to be a time when people who knew the person that has died and were fond of them, come together to pay their respects and share memories of the person. I would have been quite weirded out by anyone who was a stranger to both my parents and to me turning up at either of my parents' funerals. More so a child. It isn't a show or a performance. It is a very personal and sad time, relieved by people speaking to you about their fond memories.

Yes, I would also go to the funeral if it were someone very close to me that had been bereaved - a good friend's dh or something - but there is no way in this world I would consider it appropriate for a colleague to bring a small child.

Where’s the kids dad? Can’t he help?