Should I take my seven-year-old to a work colleague's funeral?

[Runnermumof2]

Do I bring my 7 year old to work mate's funeral ?
One of my work colleagues unexpectedly passed away recently and their funeral is next week. It's the school holidays and I don't have any family nearby to help with childcare. I have a toddler who I have booked in for an extra day at nursery for the funeral. But I'm stumped as to what to do with my 7 year old.
I won't be able to put her in a day club and pick her up in time. The funeral is at 3pm and I need to rush back to the nursery before they close to get my toddler, leaving no time to collect my older child from a club.
Do you think it would be appropriate for me to bring her with me ?
She is a mature 7 year old and has attended a couple of family funerals before, but that's because she was direct family. This is a colleague that she has never known or met.
Would it be inappropriate?
Any other suggestions of what I might be able to do ?

Completely inappropriate I’m afraid. I’m sorry for your loss.

Oh god no, it's not fair on your 7 year old or the grieving family.

That would not be in the best interests of your child.

True but we are all assuming

If it were me, I would appreciate the effort of showing face

No.

I wouldn't- it is different taking a child to a family member's funeral - inappropriate to take her to the funeral of someone she didn't know.

Yes, without thinking twice.

No way. It’s disrespectful to the grieving family as much as being completely unfair on your child.

No. If you can't get childcare, then you can't go. The deceased's family won't even know or notice the work colleagues.

There is a big difference between taking a child who was known to the deceased and whose presence might be of comfort to the bereaved (although this varies by families). Taking a child just because you can’t get childcare is really not on.

This is a question for your colleague’s family and absolutely not Mumsnet.

My husband died recently and I had a similar request.

I was absolutely happy to accommodate but that doesn’t mean everyone would be.

I don’t think it is. I think it would be the last thing they want to have to think about and puts them on the spot.

Completely inappropriate I’m afraid.

I’ve no issue with children at funerals of eg their grandparents. But someone they didn’t know? Where the family of the deceased will be thinking “who is that child over there??”. Plus they might be a family who don’t “do” children at funerals at all, so she might be there while children actually related to the individual are not.

I’ve found it interesting learning about the different cultural attitudes to funerals on MN, I think in Scotland and Ireland this wouldn’t be a big deal but in England people seem only to go to funerals of people very close to them? I’m sure this might vary by region in England too. But I understand in that context that bringing a child not known to the person might feel strange. I could see myself bringing a child if it felt really important to be there and there were no other options. If so I’d do plenty of prep about what would happen and answering child’s questions beforehand.

There were so many things to think about when organising my husband’s funeral and wake that one extra text made no difference at all.

No.
That is completely inappropriate.

You either pay a babysitter or ask if they can go and play round at one of their friend's houses (explain the circumstances and I'm sure someone would help you out), or you don't go.

I don’t think it’s appropriate. There must be someone you can ask - school friends’ parents ?

No I wouldn’t

I think it does depend on if you knew the work colleagues's family. If you did, then going and leaving shortly after the end would be appropriate I think, if all ways of finding someone to look after your child fail.

NO

Good lord no.

Not fair on the family and also not fair on your poor 7 year old.

Ask if one of her classmates can help out. I certainly would help if was asked.

No, not appropriate.

No, it’s not appropriate. Send your apologies.

I'm English but I always find English attitudes towards funerals a bit difficult to understand. I don't know whether it's because I have Irish heritage or because I've spent long periods living overseas, but I far prefer the more open and inclusive approach in Scotland and Ireland. I feel that English people are often very uptight about death in general, and it isn't necessarily healthy.

No, not appropriate at all. Send a card, some flowers, or a donation if that’s what they’re doing. But don’t take your child.