Lack of responses for 5th birthday party

[ExcitingTimes2023]

So my daughter has been asking for a party for her birthday basically she started reception and got her first party invite.

iv always been wary about having a party coz her birthday is in the summer holidays I was worried no one would come… anyway as she kept asked we decided to book one, nothing fancy. Just the local soft play and she invited all her class mates, so around 35.

so far we have only had one response. I’m already starting to feel very anxious no one will turn up and she will be upset. My number is on the invite that asks to let us know if they will be attending…. Is this the usual? Will people start to message over the next few weeks? the party isn’t until the first weekend of August.

She will be turning 5. I wasn’t expecting 30+ children to turn up but I was thinking at least 10 would respond.

Just feeling a bit anxious for her as she keeps talking about her party… x

It’s terribly rude not to reply like this but sadly fits with my experience. Everyone thinks “it’s only me” and then you get nothing! Could you message people to say you need to finalise numbers? Very stressful for you and your daughter.

Do you have a class WhatsApp? My kids’ parties have all been organised this way with the invite posted on the group for whole class parties. In my experience everyone is very good at responding but I’ve heard that’s not always the case!

I’d say this is very unusual, in 4 birthday parties for my daughter I’ve had lots of responses within an hour and most within a few days. I’ve chased the others a week or two before saying I need to confirm numbers.

was it a paper invite though? That’s significantly more faff as people have to type the number in rather than hit reply. Do you have a class WhatsApp group you can post in or get numbers to send individually to instead? Much more likely to get a quick response IMO.

also, middle of summer holidays is almost certainly an issue. My daughter has missed most of the holiday parties she’s been invited to as we’ve been away, and we are last minute people so I’ve often been slow to reply as unsure of plans. I’d recommend rearranging for September, and next year maybe doing it in July instead if your daughter doesn’t want to wait.

How long ago did you send out invites?

how did you invite?

did you put an rsvp date on the invitation?

Is there a class WhatsApp? If you invited the whole class then I’d drop a message on there along the lines …

”Hi everyone, I realised I forgot to put an rsvp date on Molly’s party invitation. If you could reply by end of term that would be really helpful so I can confirm numbers to the Softplay. Thanks!”

My DS's birthday is right at the end of July, when he was primary age we always had his party before school broke up for the holidays. But sadly the not RSVPing thing seems more prevalent now, as PP says everyone assumes that 'someone else' has responded so it doesn't matter if they do.

I had to chase for responses via whatsapp for a class party last year as pretty much everyone was very slow. Paper invites with rsvp. Invited 30 - and 30 confirmed in the end.

As it's during summer hols, people are probably not sure of their plans yet.

Send out a nicely worded reminder - "hey everyone, I know you've all got a lot on, but please let me know if you're able to come, would love to see you".

In my experience, some will have forgotten, so you do need to remind them. We had this - some said yes, then on the day there were roadworks, so I sent out a message to warn them, and two had clearly forgotten and made excuses there and then. If I'd not sent that message, they would have just been no shows. And this was an activity party for 10 which cost £20 a head. 😡 At least we knew not to wait around for them I suppose.

No that’s not usual. All DDs parties everyone has responded and the majority came, and same for everyone else’s class parties in reception and year1. It could be the time of year, all the birthdays that are in August in DDs year they always have the parties in July before the holidays start. Lots of people are away in the holidays or sort their schedules out months in advance.

People want to be able to keep their options open in the Summer holidays and might genuinely not know if they are going to be away or not. I wouldn’t push for responses just yet because it will force people to decline if they don’t know yet.

My dv had August birthdays so I know the pain of organising summer holiday parties. My advice would be to save yourself the stress and book future parties in term time.

I think it’s probably slow because it’s in the school holidays and as a PP said people aren’t sure of their plans yet. Someone posted a poll for RSVPs in our class WhatsApp for a birthday in the school holidays and numbers are much lower than usual. My DC’s birthday is over half term and I always delay it as I know we won’t get as many people over half term. Perhaps have it in July or September next year?

Ive got this now OP! Invites sent last week. It’s at a soft play too and I really need to know if people can come as it’s ltd numbers and I can invite other people if they can’t, but it’s getting late in the day now to be inviting others.

Last year I had a fair amount of people just not even bother to reply and turn up obviously and I think that’s really rude. I always RSVP within a few days of getting an invite.

This time of year anything sent home in bags likely gets misplaced and I always forget to reply until quite late and I remember it’s pinned on the fridge

WhatsApp groups are always best if you can set one up to chase people

that being said I’ve had decline about 4 parties this summer because we are away so summer holiday parties are always a risk

Might be too far away, daughters also a summer holiday birthday and it was awful seeing her attend her friends all year and then only a few being able to come to hers because many were away, not helped by small class sizes. I used to do a Halloween party which became a main event so she still had an annual party.

Sorry. I forgot to add there is no whatapp or Facebook group page as far as I’m aware…
Ill be heartbroken for her if no one turns up 😔

Can you move it to outside the school holidays? You’ll likely get more coming.

My twins are summer holiday born. We used to do their parties early July for this reason.

Well, take action, then. Do you have phone numbers for any of the parents?

There probably is a class WhatsApp, do you know any of the school parents? You can ask them if there's a class WhatsApp. It'll be an informal thing set up by a parent.
Also, you can ask a few if they got the invitation and if they can come. Then you'll get a general idea.
Don't go ahead with the party if you don't get any responses, that would be too upsetting. Better to cancel and arrange a playdate with the one who replied.

Unfortunately not. And she goes to breakfast and afterschool club no I am very rarely at the school gates. I have 2 mums numbers but they are both away and as far as they are aware there is no class WhatsApp either. There is a class WhatsApp for the other reception group but I don’t think there is for my daughters group x

There are always some who don’t reply unfortunately.
The summer holidays are tricky too and people might not know if they’re around yet either.
Are there any non-school friends or cousins etc you could invite just for some guaranteed numbers?

This happened to my son it put us off parties for life! He’s now 12 and we’ve not had a party since! Invited the whole class and three turned up but I had to pay for 12 minimum. Was a huge waste of money and time. I hope people start to reply soon and you get the 20 you are hoping for!

Will the class be the same next year? If so, could you try to set up a WhatsApp Group? Start adding the two mums you do know and ask them to add those they know. You should get a decent number soon enough. You must have some numbers from previous parties too if that’s how you RSVPd?

I would do that this morning and then ask people for replies by the end of next week so you can assess if it’s viable to hold a party in the school holidays or if you should wait until as soon as they restart school.

What date did you ask them to RSVP by @ExcitingTimes2023?

I would recommend speaking to parents face to face in the playground. I find this helps iron out all sorts of misunderstandings, eg expectations about siblings attending, dietary requirements, etc. Feels more personal to each child/family.