Lack of responses for 5th birthday party

[ExcitingTimes2023]

So my daughter has been asking for a party for her birthday basically she started reception and got her first party invite.

iv always been wary about having a party coz her birthday is in the summer holidays I was worried no one would come… anyway as she kept asked we decided to book one, nothing fancy. Just the local soft play and she invited all her class mates, so around 35.

so far we have only had one response. I’m already starting to feel very anxious no one will turn up and she will be upset. My number is on the invite that asks to let us know if they will be attending…. Is this the usual? Will people start to message over the next few weeks? the party isn’t until the first weekend of August.

She will be turning 5. I wasn’t expecting 30+ children to turn up but I was thinking at least 10 would respond.

Just feeling a bit anxious for her as she keeps talking about her party… x

I’d ask around to see if there is a WhatsApp group as they are pretty common. That’s the best way to chase them up.

@ExcitingTimes2023 use the numbers you have to reach out to people. Unfortunately it is fairly common to have to remind people, especially if you have a party during the holidays. Ask people for other parents numbers too.

I'm sure you will get a lot more responses if you do that and DD will have a wonderful party

August is very tricky as so many people have plans. It's even more tricky without a WhatsApp group. It wouldn't surprise me if there was a class WhatsApp group that you don't know about purely because you don't do drop off and pick up. Class WhatsApps usually get made by 1 busy body who seems to know 60% of the parents - either through siblings/ parents went to school together/ playgroups ect. They add the people they know, then tell those invited to add others. It generally snowballs with parents adding their school gate buddies until all the class are in it. Usually the stragglers (who don't do any pick up or drop off and don't really know any of the other parents) get added when the class WhatsApp is mentioned at a party. No-one has left them out intentionally, it's more no-one had your number to add you.

We have just had 2 parties come up for August in DDs class in the last 2 days. Numbers for both are very very low as almost everyone including us is away. 1 is August bank holiday weekend and if the weather is nice we will go away as DH has limited AL so we always use the bank holiday so he only needs to use 4 days or we go Friday to the Monday evening.

I really feel for the children, what makes it tricky is both children are new to reception at the school (almost the whole year group was in nursery together and most of the parent socialising/ parties happened last year and very few parties have happened this year). One of the new parents did comment to me at baby group a couple of weeks ago how closed off our cohort is and that everyone has their friends and is in established groups and there has been very little to get to know parents and it feels like if you weren't there last year you don't fit. She was a bit upset as her DS's party had very low attendance - unfortunate circumstance that she had it the Sunday of the England match and pretty much everyone had some kind of plans for watching the game that meant they were not attending a softplay party.

I’m glad you’ve had some responses.

just for the future, my DD has an August birthday so we always do her party first weekend back and that means less declines due to holidays and also it’s always been nice to get the kids back together when they’ve gone back to school. Her birthday is nearer the end of August though, if it was more towards the beginning of the summer , I’d do one of the last weekends of term.

also make sure you save any numbers, and then as years go on you can follow up invites with a digital copy and you’re more likely to have a reply.

Sadly summer parties are ones where you can tell if people want to come, they will come. Whereas if they are on the fence, they won't come. We know two children who have birthdays in summer and they never have an issue with attendance. Both families are extremely wealthy and the parties are usually all bells and whistles, think catering, bbq, staff, entertainment or in a really lovely restaurant with outdoor space, amazing food, games, prizes, animals etc. They make sure to cater for the parents too and nobody does drop offs.

The thing about a July/August party is that it often needs to be disguised as a summer fest for the whole family with siblings also welcome to make it appealing. A normal drop off party at a soft play feels slightly out of place in the middle of summer so many parents don't bother or make excuses. Heat might also be an issue, especially if the soft play does not have AC.

Mum of another summer baby here! We used to go earlier before the end of term but the actual birthday was last week in July. Obviously hindsight is a wonderful thing. in your situation I would explain the situation to the mums who have replied. One may be well connected and able to get you other numbers. If they cant, I would go with a smaller party or cancel. I know that is hard for your daughter but better than wasting a tonne of money and being anxious right up to the day. If she has asked an entire class she will
notice if only a handful come. Only other thought is to encourage siblings to attend or wider family if there are kids or neighbours.

I'm really surprised so many people are saying people don't send physical invites at their schools. My DD is in reception and has had loads of parties this year, and every single one was an invite in her school bag!
Kind of wished they weren't as she always knows they're in there, a what's app I could politely decline some 😆 (she had 3 in one weekend recently)..

I must have been lucky them as my sons is the 2nd September and both parties we have had I have had lots of responses and everyone who said they would come did. I must say I was weary before doing them with the party being at the end of the holidays but it was fine.

My daughter’s birthday is in summer holidays too and it’s always the same. Everyone is away. We have her party 2 weeks before they break up after trying to do it in the holidays and getting very few attendees.
Id recommend doing it earlier next year. If you can move it this year I’d do that.

Yeah I think it was just being in the middle of the holidays so people got last minute holidays etc - at the end they are back and getting ready for school

As well as chasing for rsvp's on Whatsapp, I would also send a reminder a couple of days before eg 'Amy is looking forward to seeing Oscar at her party at 3pm on Saturday' - otherwise some people who said yes will forget.

Argh going through this exact same thing at the moment OP. No WhatsApp group (definitely as ndn is in our class and they're not in it either) class of 30 and only 7 RSVPs and 2 of those were a we can't make it.

I'll absolutely not be doing this again next year 😂

You might as well learn how to head this one off now because it will become an annual issue. My daughter is a late August baby - often bday falls on the bank holiday w/e. After one hopeless attempt I tended to schedule her party for the first weekend of school. Almost no-one goes away then - and we always got a great turnout because of that, Trying to do it in the school holidays - unless it was a very small gathering was futile.

Did you put a date on the rsvp?
you you start to follow up text each parent if needed

An August child here too!

We always held his party the first weekend after school went back.

I would send the invites out the week that school broke for summer with my phone number on for people to RSVP and then when school returned I sent out little
reminder cards to the parents (via the children), even to those who had already replied, as obviously 6 weeks had passed since the initial invites.

I learnt the hard way that trying to hold big class parties during the summer holidays never works.

I’m really sorry you’re going through this, it’s heartbreaking for the children (and parents) 💐

Hi how have you got on. I had a similar issue last year when my dd was in Y5 last year. No one responded to the invite. Only 1 friend and the others I had text me the day before . But my DD had issues with friendships since Y4. I didn't have this issue with my older 2 children parent responded and kids turned up . Personally I think people and children are ruder to each other these days. Now a days it is like people can't be bothered.sad really.

Message the parents saying you need to confirm booking numbers so can they please let you know if their child is coming or not. If you don't have all their contact details & you're in a school group chat put the message in there.

Happy Birthday to your daughter for the weekend/last weekend op. I really hope the party went ahead with no drama and she had a lovely time 💐💐 @excitingtimes2023

Both my DC are summer born and we learned from experience to have their birthday parties before school broke up. It is a bit tough on summer borns.

OP I'd send out a reminder that just says: I know it's summer holidays so people might be away, but please RSVP so I can confirm numbers with the venue.

If no one responds, you have to tell DD that people are away because it is summer holidays, so she will have a birthday treat instead, and next year organise the party in July.