Not comfortable with 15 month old sleeping over at in laws

[Reesy89]

Hi. I have a 15 month old daughter that co
sleeps with my partner and I. My mother and father in law are desperate to have her sleep over their house for the night. I’m not comfortable with this which is causing conflict between my partner and I. Yes I understand she’s getting a bit older and “needs to get used to being away from us”, but I’m so strict with my daughters routine. I also worry, my mother in laws physical health isn’t good and my father in law is a very loud snorer. I just don’t know how to say no, what if they roll on my daughter or she falls out of bed? Or suffocates. I just can’t cope with this stress and decision making.

Why on earth does she NEED to get used to being away from you? What nonsense!!! You just say NO. It wouldn’t be appropriate for them to cosleep with her and she’d obviously be greatly distressed if she normally sleeps with you. You say no and you tell your DP to stop being such a twat.

Absolutely no way would I let my baby sleep over at that age, let alone if they bed share with you.
Could you maybe say that once baby is happy sleeping in her own crib then she can go for a sleepover, but at the moment she needs you next to her in your bed.
Just be firm about it. It can be awkward but it’s so much better to have a bit of awkwardness rather than saying yes and then something happen - especially if your MIL’s health isn’t good.

“No, she’s too young.” That’s it. And your husband has to support you.

Thank you for your response. I think they think babies need to get used to be staying with other people. I certainly don’t. It’s really hard when 3 people are against you and make me think I’m bent over protective lol. but I need to put my foot down.

They want to cosleep with your kid ?

dear God never heard of this before

there are so many red flags don’t even know where to start

your kid, isn’t it ? Always trust your instinct !

The critical point for me is about trust, which is something you feel - or not. My DD stayed overnight as a toddler with an elderly friend she had known all her life and whom I trusted absolutely. She had lots of grandchildren. They had a lovely time and remained firm friends until the friend died in her 90s. Conversely, a colleague offered to look after one afternoon when I had a work dilemma. On the face of it, the colleague, a member of my team, was an ideal babysitter - young, fit, female, personable. She had never done anything to make me not trust her but I didn't so I politely declined.

You have every right to say no. Please do!

It’s more so the MIL, she likes to be control of the family and I think she’s pressuring my husband and he’s pressuring me. I know she loves my daughter and wants to spend as much time as she can, but I’m happy for them to have her for the day but don’t understand the need to have her over night.

Why does she need to get used to being away from you? Huuuuuge red flag imo, why do they want her on her own?

They can have her for a day they don't need a sleepover. Your baby would prefer to sleep at home with you.
When she's 4 or 5 she'll be excited for a sleepover at granny's.

Mine is 22 months, we are just starting to think about over night stays without us, and that would be safe in a cot. My parents and the in laws have both put LO to bed when my partner and I have gone out for dinner, but we started with doing that at our own home, then at my parents, but always with us coming back that night so the wee could settle DC when they woke in the night, and be there to wake them in the morning. My parents and in laws have both offered to have LO for an overnight without us, and I think we will do that for one night soon so we can have a night away together. Sometimes I am away for work, sometimes my partner is, but I feel being at home with mum or dad is different from being away from both of us with grandparents.

She does not need to get used to being away from you. What crap.

Why are your in laws “desperate” to have her sleep over at theirs? Creepy.

You don’t have to accommodate your mil. She sounds like a bully. And odd.

Just say, “Sleepovers don’t work for us.” No apology. No explanation is necessary. Stand your ground. And make your h stand up for you too.

Your child, your choice.

There is no “need” for a sleepover until everyone: mum, dad, child and sleepover hosts is happy with the idea. As your child’s too young to have this a conversation it’s obviously something you won’t be considering soon!

YANBU. I was the same. My children (3 and 5) have never stayed anywhere but with me or their father.

Iv spent one night away from my almost 4 year old and thats when i was staying overnight at the hospital after having her sister, and her dad was with her. . Why does any child need to learn to be away from their PARENTS??

I’m with you OP. Our DS is nearly 2 and due to circumstances still in our bedroom (although his own cot). There’s been discussion about DH’s sister having him overnight when we’ve had opportunity to go out but I’m simply not comfortable with him sleeping in the same room as someone else. I can’t really explain why. We’re moving soon and he’ll have his own room, once he’s used to that then sure, he can sleep at theirs in the spare room or we can go away and they stay at ours, but for now, no.

No way would I have allowed this. The first time we were away from our son overnight he was 18 months and sleeping through the night. My mum stayed at our house and he was in his own cot/bedroom.

absolutely unacceptable that they would co sleep too.

your husband really needs to back you up here and stop being such a wet lettuce with his mother

and babies don’t need to learn to be away from their parents. That’s just a stupid line used by selfish entitled women like your MIL

She doesn’t need to get used to being apart from you and bottom line is if you don’t feel comfortable with it then it’s a no, end of. My inlaws were similar and wanted to have my daughter and I wasn’t ready and had to put my foot down. My husband was very supportive and understood and that helped but I know in their eyes it was me just being ott. I don’t care, she’s my child. She’s almost 3 and has stayed over with them around 3 times in total, most recently when I was having my 2nd baby. Every time it’s been a nightmare for us the next day with her sleep and behaviour cos she’s not slept well

Please show your husband the responses on this thread, this is a ridiculous position to put you in! Baby is far too young…

I've got 4 year old twins and the only nights they have spent not with me or their dad were when I was in labour (2 nights) and the only nights they have spent without me are when I've been in hospital post birth or during a hospital stay with the baby. There is no need for children to be away from their parents and yes they need to get used to sleeping away ready for leaving home at 18ish, but not at 1.

Bullshit, she doesn't need to get used to being away from you. I'm close to my sister but I wouldn't want to co sleep with my niece, even though I co slept with mine. Maybe now she's older, if she couldn't settle alone but certainly not at that age. Your mother in law needs to learn to back off. She had her say when she has a young family. Daytime at grandparents is plenty. She's in a routine with you, you're her world. Just say she's too young.

I think it’s weird, and I’m a granny. My granddaughter has only slept over when her parents have asked us to have her. And she slept in her own cot. Which is what she’s used to. If she was used to co sleeping, I would be saying I wasn’t happy to have her overnight until that phase was over.

@Reesy89
Grandmother here, almost 60, working full time, have DGS (22 months) one day a week and babysit quite a lot, DGS & I adore each other, hes never slept over at mine, my DD completely trusts me but is not ready so it's a non issue for me.
You're not ready, your baby, your rules.
Don't be pressured

Because families go wrong - death, illness, divorce. Then there are school trips, camping with Guides and Scouts, and, later, sport and orchestra trips. A child not able to spend a night away from their parents without it being a massive deal has not been served well by their parents.

There is a massive difference between a 15 month old sleeping away from their parents and a primary school child going away on a school trip!

Like hell would I have let my DC sleep away from me at this age for fun. She’s too little.