Not comfortable with 15 month old sleeping over at in laws

[Reesy89]

Hi. I have a 15 month old daughter that co
sleeps with my partner and I. My mother and father in law are desperate to have her sleep over their house for the night. I’m not comfortable with this which is causing conflict between my partner and I. Yes I understand she’s getting a bit older and “needs to get used to being away from us”, but I’m so strict with my daughters routine. I also worry, my mother in laws physical health isn’t good and my father in law is a very loud snorer. I just don’t know how to say no, what if they roll on my daughter or she falls out of bed? Or suffocates. I just can’t cope with this stress and decision making.

No idea why a grandparent wants to have small child overnight unless for a specific reason / emergency etc. Ive got 6 GC and having the little ones overnight is exhausting. As for a baby who sleeps with parents - its a no from me.

our children never slept over at in-laws. They both smoked in the house and had a temperamental dog.

dh did mention it a few times but accepted my view,

if you don’t feel comfortable then you just have to say no.

A 15-month old is not necessarily too little. It depends on the child's character, how relaxed the parents are, and what trusted adults there are close to the family. There are primary children not confident enough to go on a school trip. In most cases, their parents have failed them.

Dear god, imagine how distressed the poor mite would be in a strange house, in a new bed, and without her mum and dad there. If she's anything like my toddler, she'd wake screaming and would be totally inconsolable.

DD slept at DM’s at 8 weeks old, but not co sleeping. She had her own cot next to DM. It’s the co sleeping I’d have an issue with.
It’s entirely up to you, if you feel it’s too soon that’s it.

Well ours from twins 2 up to the 16 yr old have all been sleeping at various family members since 3 months for a night here and there and that's why the older ones are so confident and happy because they have a huge extended happy family not just us the parents to have fun with and talk to.
The twins adore staying away just as much as they adore coming back. There's always a debate on weekends with the in-between ages 9 of them who wants to stay where for a night lol..anyway depends how clingy you want a child I guess and many forget there's more than your child's relationship to maintain hence why so many marriages fail

Mum knows best

Because some of us like a break

Both my children enjoyed a sleepover with grandparents, but not at that age. Eldest was about 5 and youngest the same, however he was never happy to sleep without me so at 15 if he wants a sleepover, I have to pack a bag and go along too 😂😂😂

I find it strange they'd want to have a child overnight that's co-sleeping. Child shouldn't be sharing a bed with others. DS1 was a good sleeper and stayed at DM's overnight from age 2 or so. By then I was pregnant with DS2 and wanted to prepare him for staying with grandma during the hospital stay. DS2 was terrible though and we'd never have inflicted the musical beds on anyone else!

I never co slept with mine. Wasn’t a thing then.
That’s the issue I think more than age, if mine were co sleeping I think I’d say no until they were in their own cot or bed.

It’s really not as formulaic as this. My DCs are not clingy at all and they very rarely slept over at relatives without us.

So please don’t try to push your experience as the only valid one for contributing to independent, confident children.

Agree. My DC are perfectly confident and never had any issues with school trips or later on going off to uni, and they spent the sum total of one night without either of us when we attended a wedding. There were other occasions when one of us was away for work etc, but the other parent was there. I can't understand why a grandparent whose health isn't great would want to look after a baby overnight anyway, and co sleeping with grandparents who are not used to it is completely inappropriate and potentially dangerous.

My DC never spent a night away from either myself or my DH their Father. I didn't trust anyone except my own husband with them for reasons l don't want to divulge .
They are your DC you do you @Reesy89.

I would not allow this to happen. What is it with grandparents being desperate for their DGC to stay over? They have had their turn at being parents!

Stay firm @Reesy89 , just keep saying no.

Id definitely say no to this as well. She's still so little. Id just say "yes we will let you know when she's older and she's ready" but honestly the pushiness is so off putting it makes you never want to let them go. It's hard that your husband isn't on your side.

Tell dh he can buy her a reborn doll but she isn't playing house with your dc.

Makes me sick people trying to ply babies away from their dm. Your dc simply doesn't need sleepovers.. Or need to be away from you.
Alternatively suggest she can have her 'baby' back and send dh on his way.

this is brilliant thank you 😂😂😂👏🏼👏🏼

My children still cosleep. I waited until my kids were 4 before they slept over by themselves with my parents. But we did have frequent ‘stayovers’ from 12 months where they spent the entire day with them. With my siblings they have had stayovers and playdates (unsupervised is only with my sister. I don’t trust them to be with the others) & we’ll probably plan a proper sleepover for some of the kids soon (the kids in question are 6 and 5!)

When comes to my mother in law I just don’t trust her as she’s a bit lazy & not very proactive & doesn’t speak English well. Eg when she’s had them afterschool they aren’t fed even when she makes and eats dinner for herself, she doesn’t lock the front door, and will ask them to do inappropriate things like heat stuff in the microwave for her and bring them to her. We went on holiday with her & husband convinced me to give her a second chance so we could have a drink only to then discover our kids wondering the hotel together because she fell asleep without locking the door. My husband doesn’t even dare to ask any more.

But this is me. My siblings have been letting their kids have cosleeping sleepovers since their kids were weeks old. Their in laws are also really reliable and great about childcare.

What is it with grand parents and this obsession with overnighting? What's wrong with taking her to the park for a few hours??!

No for goodness sake. Blimey. God !! No.

Babies don't need to learn to be away from their parents! They need to learn they're not going to be left by their parents to satisfy some weird desperation by their grandparents to sleep with them. And squish them probably.

Poor baby.
Your husband needs to grow up and do what's best by his child and not his mother 🙄🙄🙄🙄

Totally agree, there's no need for her to be sleeping over at 15 months old. You need to be firm, my SIL (DH's sister) kept going on and on about DD having a sleepover at her house, after making up excuses numerous times I was just blunt and honest, DD is not ready to sleep over and neither am I ready to let her, we'll let you know when we are. She's never mentioned it again

Weird thing to be insisting on.

DH needs to have your back and tell them that if you ever want or need them to have your child overnight, you will ask. Until then they need to shut up about it.

The most important part of this is that you recognise your MIL as a controlling bully more generally and that your DH is under pressure doing her bidding - and is happy to throw you and your DD under he bus so he doesn’t have to deal with her drama.

This is likely only one of many incidents in the past and many more to come. With these characters you need extra firm boundaries - think what a normal person would need and then double it to build in contingency / slack. Because they will always push, bulldoze and manipulate. Put her on an info diet - give her very little detail about your life - because she will just use it as ammunition to get what she wants. Never explain, defend or justify your choices as any detail is just another ‘in’ for her to undermine you.

“No that doesn’t work for us” (rinse and repeat twice - then silence)

“No. We’re busy / Not possible - we have plans”

It’s always the weirdos who want to reenact their own motherhood for their own selfish reasons. The child’s welfare is never considered - and they have no interest in understanding how childcare has moved on in 30-40 years or how you as parents want to raise your DC. They are rigid and self righteous in their thinking and behaviours.

Please don’t let this character pollute or derail your experience of motherhood. You owe her nothing. She’s had hers and I doubt very much she was accommodating of her own ILs.

Enjoy your DD and be alert to MIL and blunt with your DH who is only relieving his own discomfort with his own DM rather than considering your DDs needs.

Our DC did stay over with GPs occasionally at that age but not co-sleeping! That's dangerous. I hope I never put my DC under unnecessary pressure like this for my amusement.